What should you do if you notice your partner looking at an attractive man or woman? This is an interesting question that pops up in nearly every relationship at one time or another and it's a much bigger deal for some people than it is for others.
There are all kinds of possible answers to this question of what to do when you "catch" your partner looking at someone else and here are just a few...
For example, you could say nothing, be silent and pretend it never happened (again).
You could make a big deal out of it and create a "scene.
" You could sulk and withdraw.
Heck, you could even try to punish them or withhold something from them that you think might get their attention and try to get them to change their ways.
If you really think about it, there are an unlimited number of things you might do when you "catch'" your partner noticing someone else.
And the most important question that ever needs to be answered about this issue is this -- Will your response be one that moves you closer to or further from what you want? Painfully, we must say that if your response to your partner is like most people's response when this happens, then you're probably creating what you don't want instead of what you do want.
Most of the time you're probably doing this without even realizing what you're doing.
Here's what we've discovered about "noticing" other people and "attraction" that may be helpful to you or someone you know...
Attraction is a normal part of being human.
Unless you're dead or lying, almost every one of us would have to admit to "noticing" an attractive person from time to time.
It's normal and natural.
While all of this attraction is normal, it can certainly get you (and your partner) into hot water in your relationship if you aren't paying attention.
It's been our experience that it's what happens next after someone "notices" an attractive (or even average looking) person that isn't their partner that makes the difference in your relationship and your life.
Here's what we mean...
When this happens, one of the first things you have to figure out is...
"Is he or she just simply 'noticing' or appreciating another person's beauty, attractiveness, presence, or other gifts or is there something really harmful going on? After all...
in most cases when this happens, what you're really concerned about is the fact that this other person appears to be getting your partner or friend's attention that you want.
Isn't it? We think it's perfectly OK for you (or your partner) to notice or look at someone else who is attractive or interesting but in our opinion, here's where the problems begin...
It's when whatever is going on--either real or imagined--gets in the way of your connection and your relationship.
If your partner seems to be truly attracted to someone else and it is interfering with your relationship, here are some ideas for you to consider...
1.
Take some time alone and decide what you want in your relationship.
It's not good enough to merely think--"I just want him/her to stop flirting" or "I just want him/her to come home at a decent hour.
" You have to decide what you want in this relationship.
Do you want more time together? How do you want to connect with your partner? Do you want more attention, kindness, or anything else? 2.
Chances are that if you have felt your partner being attracted to other people or activities to the detriment of your relationship, you've told him or her about it--and there's probably been denial.
Take a different tactic and instead of "pushing against," talk about what you'd like in your relationship and tell them how much you want to be with them.
Don't ignore what you think is happening if you get a feeling about it.
Get it out in the open but also shift your focus to making your relationship better.
3.
Open your heart to listening to what your partner wants and ask that your partner listen to what you want in your relationship.
Is there an opening for each of you to strengthen your relationship? 4.
Until your partner is honest about the attraction--with himself or herself and with you--it can linger there, even if you set a boundary and it's honored.
Take a positive step toward what's happening and remember it doesn't mean that you are lacking in some way.
It just means that you both need to be honest about what's going on and decide what you want for your relationship.
In the course of relationships, attractions to others can happen.
It's what you do with them that make the difference between whether your relationship with your partner is alive and growing or it loses its passion and love.
There are all kinds of possible answers to this question of what to do when you "catch" your partner looking at someone else and here are just a few...
For example, you could say nothing, be silent and pretend it never happened (again).
You could make a big deal out of it and create a "scene.
" You could sulk and withdraw.
Heck, you could even try to punish them or withhold something from them that you think might get their attention and try to get them to change their ways.
If you really think about it, there are an unlimited number of things you might do when you "catch'" your partner noticing someone else.
And the most important question that ever needs to be answered about this issue is this -- Will your response be one that moves you closer to or further from what you want? Painfully, we must say that if your response to your partner is like most people's response when this happens, then you're probably creating what you don't want instead of what you do want.
Most of the time you're probably doing this without even realizing what you're doing.
Here's what we've discovered about "noticing" other people and "attraction" that may be helpful to you or someone you know...
Attraction is a normal part of being human.
Unless you're dead or lying, almost every one of us would have to admit to "noticing" an attractive person from time to time.
It's normal and natural.
While all of this attraction is normal, it can certainly get you (and your partner) into hot water in your relationship if you aren't paying attention.
It's been our experience that it's what happens next after someone "notices" an attractive (or even average looking) person that isn't their partner that makes the difference in your relationship and your life.
Here's what we mean...
When this happens, one of the first things you have to figure out is...
"Is he or she just simply 'noticing' or appreciating another person's beauty, attractiveness, presence, or other gifts or is there something really harmful going on? After all...
in most cases when this happens, what you're really concerned about is the fact that this other person appears to be getting your partner or friend's attention that you want.
Isn't it? We think it's perfectly OK for you (or your partner) to notice or look at someone else who is attractive or interesting but in our opinion, here's where the problems begin...
It's when whatever is going on--either real or imagined--gets in the way of your connection and your relationship.
If your partner seems to be truly attracted to someone else and it is interfering with your relationship, here are some ideas for you to consider...
1.
Take some time alone and decide what you want in your relationship.
It's not good enough to merely think--"I just want him/her to stop flirting" or "I just want him/her to come home at a decent hour.
" You have to decide what you want in this relationship.
Do you want more time together? How do you want to connect with your partner? Do you want more attention, kindness, or anything else? 2.
Chances are that if you have felt your partner being attracted to other people or activities to the detriment of your relationship, you've told him or her about it--and there's probably been denial.
Take a different tactic and instead of "pushing against," talk about what you'd like in your relationship and tell them how much you want to be with them.
Don't ignore what you think is happening if you get a feeling about it.
Get it out in the open but also shift your focus to making your relationship better.
3.
Open your heart to listening to what your partner wants and ask that your partner listen to what you want in your relationship.
Is there an opening for each of you to strengthen your relationship? 4.
Until your partner is honest about the attraction--with himself or herself and with you--it can linger there, even if you set a boundary and it's honored.
Take a positive step toward what's happening and remember it doesn't mean that you are lacking in some way.
It just means that you both need to be honest about what's going on and decide what you want for your relationship.
In the course of relationships, attractions to others can happen.
It's what you do with them that make the difference between whether your relationship with your partner is alive and growing or it loses its passion and love.
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