In a letter written in 1782, Thomas Jefferson (1743 -1826), the third President of The United States of America wrote:" Let what will be said or done, preserve your sang-froid immovably, and to every obstacle, oppose patience, perseverance and a soothing language.
" (Schur, Norman, 1000 Most Important Words, 1982, 203).
Although this was not a letter written by Jefferson to all true lovers, this writer believes all those involved in romantic relationships should pay heed to this beautiful advice.
I regard this as an indispensable ingredient in the diplomacy of love.
And, although, Jefferson may have known very little about the Qur'an at the time, the advice of this great man remains relevant to true lovers even after the passage of two centuries.
Indeed, his advice appears to be in conformity with a similar one given to believing women in the Holy Qur'an: "Ye shall certainly be tried and tested In your possessions and in yourselves; And ye shall certainly hear much that Will grieve you...
but if ye persevere Patiently, and guard against evil, - then That indeed is a matter of great resolution.
" (Qur'an, Chapter 3,Verse 186).
In the preceding verse, the Arabic word Sabr implies many shades of meaning, which is impossible to comprehend in one single English word.
It implies (1) patience in the sense of being thorough, not hasty; (2) patient perseverance, constancy, steadfastness, firmness of purpose; (3) systematic as opposed to spasmodic or chance action; (4) a cheerful attitude of resignation and understanding in sorrow, defeat or suffering, as opposed to murmuring or rebellion; but saved from mere passivity or listlessness.
When all these qualities are inherent in any romantic relationship, they would certainly save it from going down the drain.
Our battles against the vicissitudes of life - having wealth and possession (and the lack of them), are all too well the means of our trial.
In our personal relationships, the color of our skin, our talents, our knowledge, the opportunities available to us - and their opposites - indeed everything that happens to us and makes up our personalities is a means of our testing.
To be sure, our Faith in God, our love for a particular woman or man from a different racial or cultural background is a means of our testing.
If lovers are unable to address each other with a soothing language; and can't oppose obstacles that threatens to dissolve their relationship with patience; and can't afford to accept racial slurs (because a dark-skinned man is married to a white lady or Chinese lady) with a degree of sang-froid; then mutual hatred develops.
If one begins to wonder why he/she even fell in love with "that" white man or woman or "that" Chinese man or woman, then lovers begin to distance themselves from each other - due to societal pressure - the love that existed between them turns into a breeze that wafts it's way through the window out of the marital home - as if it had never existed! In the diplomacy of love, the nature and quality of interactions between lovers indicate the intensity of the existing love between them.
We are prisoners of love.
Sometimes we are held hostage to loveless relationships to which we have not contributed.
At different stages in our lives, we all have to face the real world of romance - that could be unfair and unkind.
One of the best ways to overcome these is to be diplomats in our romantic affairs - determining who gets what, when and how in this relationship.
References: Schur, Norman.
1000 Most Important Words.
New York: Ballantine Books, 1982.
" (Schur, Norman, 1000 Most Important Words, 1982, 203).
Although this was not a letter written by Jefferson to all true lovers, this writer believes all those involved in romantic relationships should pay heed to this beautiful advice.
I regard this as an indispensable ingredient in the diplomacy of love.
And, although, Jefferson may have known very little about the Qur'an at the time, the advice of this great man remains relevant to true lovers even after the passage of two centuries.
Indeed, his advice appears to be in conformity with a similar one given to believing women in the Holy Qur'an: "Ye shall certainly be tried and tested In your possessions and in yourselves; And ye shall certainly hear much that Will grieve you...
but if ye persevere Patiently, and guard against evil, - then That indeed is a matter of great resolution.
" (Qur'an, Chapter 3,Verse 186).
In the preceding verse, the Arabic word Sabr implies many shades of meaning, which is impossible to comprehend in one single English word.
It implies (1) patience in the sense of being thorough, not hasty; (2) patient perseverance, constancy, steadfastness, firmness of purpose; (3) systematic as opposed to spasmodic or chance action; (4) a cheerful attitude of resignation and understanding in sorrow, defeat or suffering, as opposed to murmuring or rebellion; but saved from mere passivity or listlessness.
When all these qualities are inherent in any romantic relationship, they would certainly save it from going down the drain.
Our battles against the vicissitudes of life - having wealth and possession (and the lack of them), are all too well the means of our trial.
In our personal relationships, the color of our skin, our talents, our knowledge, the opportunities available to us - and their opposites - indeed everything that happens to us and makes up our personalities is a means of our testing.
To be sure, our Faith in God, our love for a particular woman or man from a different racial or cultural background is a means of our testing.
If lovers are unable to address each other with a soothing language; and can't oppose obstacles that threatens to dissolve their relationship with patience; and can't afford to accept racial slurs (because a dark-skinned man is married to a white lady or Chinese lady) with a degree of sang-froid; then mutual hatred develops.
If one begins to wonder why he/she even fell in love with "that" white man or woman or "that" Chinese man or woman, then lovers begin to distance themselves from each other - due to societal pressure - the love that existed between them turns into a breeze that wafts it's way through the window out of the marital home - as if it had never existed! In the diplomacy of love, the nature and quality of interactions between lovers indicate the intensity of the existing love between them.
We are prisoners of love.
Sometimes we are held hostage to loveless relationships to which we have not contributed.
At different stages in our lives, we all have to face the real world of romance - that could be unfair and unkind.
One of the best ways to overcome these is to be diplomats in our romantic affairs - determining who gets what, when and how in this relationship.
References: Schur, Norman.
1000 Most Important Words.
New York: Ballantine Books, 1982.
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