Relationship problems can stem from perfectionism.
Perfectionism may not show up in the way you might think.
You might hold your partner to a higher standard than you hold yourself to.
For example, if you want a clean house, do you blame your partner if it is not clean, or do you pitch in and help? Perfectionists often sit back and observe what is wrong with the world instead of doing something about it.
They see problems and ask why, they assign blame, and think if I were in charge things wouldn't be this way.
Perfectionism in this way might manifest as laziness, inability to set plans and follow through.
Both the act of seeing what is wrong in the relationship and placing blame on your partner and the failure to follow through is deadly to relationships.
Perfectionism might also be an excuse to avoid getting into a relationship.
The perfectionist sees every possible problem at the beginning and fails to give proper weight to the benefits of a relationship and so he never enters in.
ABC used to promote their Olympic Games coverage with the phrase "The Thrill of Victory and The Agony of Defeat.
" The same is true in relationships; there is the Thrill of Victory, the thing to shoot for.
And like the Olympic athletes you grow by working toward the win in the games.
In a relationship you grow if you are truly working toward the win in the relationship.
It doesn't mean that you always win or always make the right choice going forward.
It means that the effort and the journey and what they do for you makes you a participant in life.
A perfectionist cannot see this, the perfectionist would rather stay home unless he has the assurance that the game is stacked in his favor and that he will win.
The fact is just showing up for the game and participating already makes him a winner.
It is only a matter of how big the win will be.
Perfectionism also leads to judging: pronouncing your verdict and blame over any situation.
People cannot grow in such an environment.
Always being afraid to hear someone's opinion and the judgment just makes others want to get away from you.
Your relationship partner deserves better.
They may not be perfect but neither are you and here is the kicker: if you are a perfectionist and judging others then you are also sitting as a harsh judge of yourself.
I would venture that you dislike yourself - if you can't love or at least like yourself, who can you love.
If you are a perfectionist, your life and relationships are totally screwed until you get past it.
Begin to work on yourself by holding an awareness of the problem in mind.
Then instead of letting he judgment work within you and realize that it is life's imperfections that make it beautiful.
For example, Marilyn Monroe's mole or Johnny Cash who couldn't sing in the classical sense and yet was one of the greatest singers in the world: leave perfectionism behind.
Perfectionism may not show up in the way you might think.
You might hold your partner to a higher standard than you hold yourself to.
For example, if you want a clean house, do you blame your partner if it is not clean, or do you pitch in and help? Perfectionists often sit back and observe what is wrong with the world instead of doing something about it.
They see problems and ask why, they assign blame, and think if I were in charge things wouldn't be this way.
Perfectionism in this way might manifest as laziness, inability to set plans and follow through.
Both the act of seeing what is wrong in the relationship and placing blame on your partner and the failure to follow through is deadly to relationships.
Perfectionism might also be an excuse to avoid getting into a relationship.
The perfectionist sees every possible problem at the beginning and fails to give proper weight to the benefits of a relationship and so he never enters in.
ABC used to promote their Olympic Games coverage with the phrase "The Thrill of Victory and The Agony of Defeat.
" The same is true in relationships; there is the Thrill of Victory, the thing to shoot for.
And like the Olympic athletes you grow by working toward the win in the games.
In a relationship you grow if you are truly working toward the win in the relationship.
It doesn't mean that you always win or always make the right choice going forward.
It means that the effort and the journey and what they do for you makes you a participant in life.
A perfectionist cannot see this, the perfectionist would rather stay home unless he has the assurance that the game is stacked in his favor and that he will win.
The fact is just showing up for the game and participating already makes him a winner.
It is only a matter of how big the win will be.
Perfectionism also leads to judging: pronouncing your verdict and blame over any situation.
People cannot grow in such an environment.
Always being afraid to hear someone's opinion and the judgment just makes others want to get away from you.
Your relationship partner deserves better.
They may not be perfect but neither are you and here is the kicker: if you are a perfectionist and judging others then you are also sitting as a harsh judge of yourself.
I would venture that you dislike yourself - if you can't love or at least like yourself, who can you love.
If you are a perfectionist, your life and relationships are totally screwed until you get past it.
Begin to work on yourself by holding an awareness of the problem in mind.
Then instead of letting he judgment work within you and realize that it is life's imperfections that make it beautiful.
For example, Marilyn Monroe's mole or Johnny Cash who couldn't sing in the classical sense and yet was one of the greatest singers in the world: leave perfectionism behind.
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