If you believe that your needs come before your partner's or before your relationship, you are creating distance.
What law states that your needs come first? If you believe your partner should make you happy, you are creating distance.
Where is it written that your partner is responsible for your happiness? If you believe it is your responsibility to point out your partner's flaws to make him/her over into a better person, you are creating distance.
Your partner is aware of her/his flaws and your harping on them creates resentment and distance.
If you believe that if your partner doesn't change the behaviors you don't like, you will be miserable, you are creating distance.
Choosing misery is your decision and not based on what your partner does or doesn't do.
If you believe that your way is the only right way to do things, you are creating distance.
Additionally, if you believe your way is the best and only way, and others should do it your way, you are creating distance.
If you believe that the way your family did it is the only right way to do it, you are creating distance.
Once you form a partnership with another person, you now have a new family.
Both of your families had valid (and invalid!) ways of doing things.
Conversely, if you want to create distance and disharmony in your relationship (for some unfathomable reason), here's how to do it: oInsist that it's "My way or the highway.
" oChoose misery if your partner doesn't do it your way, or better yet, threaten divorce if s/he doesn't straighten up oCriticize your partner's habits that you don't like to make him/her into a better person oIf your partner doesn't do it your way, rage or give your partner the silent treatment oBlame your partner for your unhappiness (the unhappiness you have chosen) It's your choice.
Keep the beliefs that create misery and distance from the people who are most important to you, or let go of these beliefs.
I hope you create new, helpful beliefs that bring you closer to the people you care about.