I want my ex back now! Right now! I do not want to wait, I do not want to think, I just want what I want, and I want it right now, right this minute! I've been there, I've felt that way, and man, I've messed things up! Read that first paragraph again.
Is this how you feel? If so, you are right there where many of us have been before.
And if so, you are in danger of ruining any chances of getting your ex back.
These feelings of urgency and desperation are quite common following a breakup.
You may feel helpless, like you have no control over anything.
This leads to a sense of urgency, which leads to desperation.
But desperation will not lead you anywhere good.
When we feel like we have no control, we may sometimes try to fix everything immediately.
We want to take control back, and we don't know how.
This leads to acting without thinking, which is most certainly NOT the way to get your ex back.
Acting out of this need to "fix things right now" presents several problems.
Chief among these is that you have no plan.
If your goal is ultimately to get back together with your ex, then you must have a plan.
Which means you must take time to think.
Which, of course, means you cannot be acting out of desperation.
In addition to the lack of planning problem, let's be honest: desperate neediness is just plain unattractive.
I am not trying to be harsh, just honest.
Your ex is not going to find it appealing.
In fact, it will most likely have the opposite effect, and drive your ex further away.
Your chances of saving your relationship are dependent on you not doing further damage at this point.
You are likely a whirlwind of confused emotions right now.
Emotions are a huge part of any relationship, and are usually the primary component immediately following a breakup.
But emotions during this painful time cannot be trusted to guide your actions.
Don't get me wrong - saying these emotions cannot be trusted does not mean they are not real.
They are very real and you feel them very deeply.
But you don't want to act from them.
Instead, you want to act from a place of calm and careful thought.
Right now, that just may not be possible.
So, don't act right now! With regards to your ex, that is.
Give yourself some time.
I am not trying to placate you with some catchy phrase you don't want to hear right now ("time heals all," etc,) But you need time before you act.
This is difficult, I know.
But if your goal is get back with your ex, you really need to give yourself some time to at least let your emotions settle a bit.
How much time? This is obviously going to vary with each situation.
There is no hard fast rule here.
Here's a quick tip, though.
Read that first paragraph again.
If there is still any hint of this desperation, it has not been long enough! What should you do with this time? I think one of the more obvious things would be to lessen this desperation some.
I'm not saying you should try to bury your emotions.
You just need to calm the whirlwind a bit.
Especially during your worst moments, when you feel the most like you need to act right now! There are many different ways to help give yourself at least some temporary calm.
Try something simple, such as taking a long walk.
Exercise of any sort has an amazing effect, not just on the body, but on your emotional state as well.
The endorphins released during exercise have a mood lifting effect.
The physical effort can help relax and calm you.
Perhaps you'd prefer a long hot bath or shower.
Again, something this simple can help you to relax and feel a bit more at peace.
Fill a hot bath and add a little scented oil such as lavender to promote calm.
Use bubbles.
And guys, yes, this is OK if you want to do it.
You don't have to tell your buddies about it! Leave out the bubbles or oil if it makes you feel better about it.
Or if you prefer, stand under a steaming shower for a while.
Let the warm water relax your muscles and soothe your nerves.
Very simple, yet very effective.
Numerous other methods can be used to calm yourself and clear your head.
Meditation, relaxation therapy, a hobby you enjoy, and mindless sitcom on TV, and any number of other distractions can be useful.
The main point here is that you need to relax, to clear your head a bit, and to take some time before you do something you will regret.
If you feel like you simply HAVE to call or see or text your ex right now, that is a good indication that you should not! If you do contact our ex in this state, your ultimate goal of working things out with your ex is going to be severely compromised.
Is this how you feel? If so, you are right there where many of us have been before.
And if so, you are in danger of ruining any chances of getting your ex back.
These feelings of urgency and desperation are quite common following a breakup.
You may feel helpless, like you have no control over anything.
This leads to a sense of urgency, which leads to desperation.
But desperation will not lead you anywhere good.
When we feel like we have no control, we may sometimes try to fix everything immediately.
We want to take control back, and we don't know how.
This leads to acting without thinking, which is most certainly NOT the way to get your ex back.
Acting out of this need to "fix things right now" presents several problems.
Chief among these is that you have no plan.
If your goal is ultimately to get back together with your ex, then you must have a plan.
Which means you must take time to think.
Which, of course, means you cannot be acting out of desperation.
In addition to the lack of planning problem, let's be honest: desperate neediness is just plain unattractive.
I am not trying to be harsh, just honest.
Your ex is not going to find it appealing.
In fact, it will most likely have the opposite effect, and drive your ex further away.
Your chances of saving your relationship are dependent on you not doing further damage at this point.
You are likely a whirlwind of confused emotions right now.
Emotions are a huge part of any relationship, and are usually the primary component immediately following a breakup.
But emotions during this painful time cannot be trusted to guide your actions.
Don't get me wrong - saying these emotions cannot be trusted does not mean they are not real.
They are very real and you feel them very deeply.
But you don't want to act from them.
Instead, you want to act from a place of calm and careful thought.
Right now, that just may not be possible.
So, don't act right now! With regards to your ex, that is.
Give yourself some time.
I am not trying to placate you with some catchy phrase you don't want to hear right now ("time heals all," etc,) But you need time before you act.
This is difficult, I know.
But if your goal is get back with your ex, you really need to give yourself some time to at least let your emotions settle a bit.
How much time? This is obviously going to vary with each situation.
There is no hard fast rule here.
Here's a quick tip, though.
Read that first paragraph again.
If there is still any hint of this desperation, it has not been long enough! What should you do with this time? I think one of the more obvious things would be to lessen this desperation some.
I'm not saying you should try to bury your emotions.
You just need to calm the whirlwind a bit.
Especially during your worst moments, when you feel the most like you need to act right now! There are many different ways to help give yourself at least some temporary calm.
Try something simple, such as taking a long walk.
Exercise of any sort has an amazing effect, not just on the body, but on your emotional state as well.
The endorphins released during exercise have a mood lifting effect.
The physical effort can help relax and calm you.
Perhaps you'd prefer a long hot bath or shower.
Again, something this simple can help you to relax and feel a bit more at peace.
Fill a hot bath and add a little scented oil such as lavender to promote calm.
Use bubbles.
And guys, yes, this is OK if you want to do it.
You don't have to tell your buddies about it! Leave out the bubbles or oil if it makes you feel better about it.
Or if you prefer, stand under a steaming shower for a while.
Let the warm water relax your muscles and soothe your nerves.
Very simple, yet very effective.
Numerous other methods can be used to calm yourself and clear your head.
Meditation, relaxation therapy, a hobby you enjoy, and mindless sitcom on TV, and any number of other distractions can be useful.
The main point here is that you need to relax, to clear your head a bit, and to take some time before you do something you will regret.
If you feel like you simply HAVE to call or see or text your ex right now, that is a good indication that you should not! If you do contact our ex in this state, your ultimate goal of working things out with your ex is going to be severely compromised.
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