I once saw an ad in a newspaper.
"One half of a marriage bed, for free, to the first person who comes and gets it.
Rarely used.
" I was stunned, then I burst out laughing.
But what this person did is no laughing matter, and it so was smart.
A friend of mine, when he and his wife split, he totally redecorated the bedroom, painted the walls a fire engine red.
Then he bought incense and herbs and performed a "spiritual cleansing.
" Now, I'm not saying you should go as far as the stranger with the ad or my friend with the paintbrush, but I would recommend that you take a page from their book.
Almost everyone struggles at one time or another with the question of how to get over someone.
This struggle is especially painful for the person who was left, but it can also be surprisingly difficult for the person who did the leaving.
Both parties will be stunned at the depth of the ties that bind them, at the amount of minutia that evokes painful memories.
Now, grieving the end of a relationship is normal and understandable.
But too many people make mistakes that only worsen their pain.
When trying to get over someone, they: 1.
Cling to gifts their ex gave them.
2.
Revisit places they went to with their ex.
3.
Listen to songs they danced to with their ex 4.
Reread old letters and/or emails, play old voice messages from their ex 5.
Hold on to old ticket stubs, airplane boarding passes, vacation pictures 6.
Talk about their ex with new people they are dating 7.
Idealize their ex It seems obvious that these are the wrong things to do, but you would be surprised how many people do them.
It's just about impossible to get over someone when you surround yourself with things that remind you of them.
But people in pain don't see that.
They'll tell you, "I can't get over my ex," and not seem to realize that the hours they spend reading old emails or looking at old photographs could be the reason why.
If the above list tells you what you should not do when trying to get over someone, then it also indicates what you should do.
I'll sum it up in one sentence: Set aside the old and focus on the new.
Get rid of the gifts, the letters, the emails, the voice messages, the tickets stubs, boarding passes, and the like.
Delete the digital mementos; box or bag the rest.
When you go out with someone new, concentrate on that person.
Allow yourself a one-sentence of explanation about your now ended relationship and then turn the conversation to something else.
That's right, just one sentence.
Practice it and learn to say no more.
Think "bad" thoughts about your ex.
I'm not telling you to drum up bad feelings toward them; I am telling you to reflect on their bad qualities and therefore develop a more realistic picture of them.
Who knows? You might end up thinking that the breakup was the best thing that could've happened.
Short of that, you'll feel better; you'll get on with your life.
You'll rediscover the happiness to be had.
Still thinking you want your ex back? That's understandable.
Ironically, the best way to get them back - is to get over them.
That puts you in a position of strength.
So the faster you get over them, the better your chances of getting them back.
"One half of a marriage bed, for free, to the first person who comes and gets it.
Rarely used.
" I was stunned, then I burst out laughing.
But what this person did is no laughing matter, and it so was smart.
A friend of mine, when he and his wife split, he totally redecorated the bedroom, painted the walls a fire engine red.
Then he bought incense and herbs and performed a "spiritual cleansing.
" Now, I'm not saying you should go as far as the stranger with the ad or my friend with the paintbrush, but I would recommend that you take a page from their book.
Almost everyone struggles at one time or another with the question of how to get over someone.
This struggle is especially painful for the person who was left, but it can also be surprisingly difficult for the person who did the leaving.
Both parties will be stunned at the depth of the ties that bind them, at the amount of minutia that evokes painful memories.
Now, grieving the end of a relationship is normal and understandable.
But too many people make mistakes that only worsen their pain.
When trying to get over someone, they: 1.
Cling to gifts their ex gave them.
2.
Revisit places they went to with their ex.
3.
Listen to songs they danced to with their ex 4.
Reread old letters and/or emails, play old voice messages from their ex 5.
Hold on to old ticket stubs, airplane boarding passes, vacation pictures 6.
Talk about their ex with new people they are dating 7.
Idealize their ex It seems obvious that these are the wrong things to do, but you would be surprised how many people do them.
It's just about impossible to get over someone when you surround yourself with things that remind you of them.
But people in pain don't see that.
They'll tell you, "I can't get over my ex," and not seem to realize that the hours they spend reading old emails or looking at old photographs could be the reason why.
If the above list tells you what you should not do when trying to get over someone, then it also indicates what you should do.
I'll sum it up in one sentence: Set aside the old and focus on the new.
Get rid of the gifts, the letters, the emails, the voice messages, the tickets stubs, boarding passes, and the like.
Delete the digital mementos; box or bag the rest.
When you go out with someone new, concentrate on that person.
Allow yourself a one-sentence of explanation about your now ended relationship and then turn the conversation to something else.
That's right, just one sentence.
Practice it and learn to say no more.
Think "bad" thoughts about your ex.
I'm not telling you to drum up bad feelings toward them; I am telling you to reflect on their bad qualities and therefore develop a more realistic picture of them.
Who knows? You might end up thinking that the breakup was the best thing that could've happened.
Short of that, you'll feel better; you'll get on with your life.
You'll rediscover the happiness to be had.
Still thinking you want your ex back? That's understandable.
Ironically, the best way to get them back - is to get over them.
That puts you in a position of strength.
So the faster you get over them, the better your chances of getting them back.
SHARE
