If there is one thing I have learned it's that with age the demands that are placed on my time and attention can often feel overwhelming.
It is a rarity to find time for myself whether it be to invest in a hobby or simply sit back and relax.
So the thought of quieting my mind and reflecting on who I am as an individual can seem more like a pipe dream than a reality.
But the truth is that taking the time to be introspective is like any other priority...
you have to make the time in order for it to happen.
Once you do though you'll be surprised to learn what the most common and influential aspects of your life might be and how to effectively navigate them so that they don't compromise the personal values you strive to live by.
I can clearly remember the day my parents dropped me off at college.
As they left my mother reminded me that, "everything I needed was right there," (as she pointed to my heart).
Any time I felt lost, unsure or conflicted all I needed to do was to look within myself and the answer would be there.
Talk about some pretty powerful words to live by! In retrospect, she was right.
My parents did a wonderful job of instilling within me a strong set of principles that have guided me throughout my life, sort of like my very own North Star.
And, when I lost sight of those core values I felt adrift.
Luckily I always managed to re-center my focus but not without a few bumps and bruises here and there.
Through the years as I have become engulfed in corporate America, a blended family, a marriage and motherhood I have certainly struggled to keep those words my mother told me in focus.
I think this is a common dilemma for all us.
Life moves at such an incredible pace that the saying, "so much to do, so little time," has become more of an epidemic than a metaphor.
The truth is that it is incredibly easy to lose ourselves among all of today's tasks and to-dos.
Isn't there a little seed of fear living within each of us that one day we will look back on how we conducted our lives and it will appear unrecognizable, not at all what we envisioned as young adults starting out in the world.
So how do we keep a hold of our core principles and values in order to look back in 30,40, 50 years and feel pride in, "doing it our way?" Before looking ahead I think it's always helpful to look around first.
What influences are impacting our daily lives and our own sense of autonomy? Many of our social institutions have a significant impact on how we conduct ourselves as individuals and how closely we adhere or not to our personal values.
1) Our social circles are often made up of people with differing backgrounds and varied belief systems which in and of itself isn't a bad thing.
But you have heard the old saying, "you are only as good as the company you keep.
" This may not be true in the sense that our friends and acquaintances don't define who you are as an individual but their beliefs and behaviors can certainly rub off on us in ways that may initially go unnoticed.
Maybe you have that friend that always has something negative to say about everyone around them and one day you catch yourself falling into that same judgmental trap.
2) Many of us spend the majority of our waking hours at work which can also have a strong influence on our autonomy.
It's not uncommon today to find corporate cultures that reward ulterior motives over meritocracy leaving many employees in a tough position.
I, myself, have observed many successful executives that seemed to have sacrificed their, "morals," in order to move ahead in their career.
Although their intentions were pure, like wanting to provide for their family, the manner in which they got there wasn't guided by what you'd call, "wholesome," values.
3) Perceived expectations can also be a powerful force in our daily lives.
Between the media, society at large, our peers and even our own personal expectations of ourselves the pressure to succeed or attain perfection can be suffocating.
And while the reasonable side of us recognizes that many of these expectations simply aren't realistic we may still find ourselves struggling to meet them, sacrificing our personal values in the process.
Taking the time to step back and acknowledge these powerful influences in our lives gives you the power to define a clear set of boundaries that you can begin sticking to.
What principles are most important to you? If someone were to ask a close friend of yours what you stand for, what would you want their answer to be? What values do you want to pass onto your children? Put together a list, even if its just a mental one, of the values and principles that you want to guide your life as a partner, a professional, a friend, a human being, etc.
And then, decide what boundaries you can create in your life so that those principles remain intact.
For example: 1) Create an inspiration board using images, words, quotes or any content you want that represents your core values and can act as a visual reminder of, "who you are.
" 2) Write out your list of core values and place it somewhere that you'll see frequently.
3) Make a list of projects or goals you'd like to do that not only exude the core values you want to live by but will also ensure that they remain an integral part of your life.
These are just a few examples that may inspire you to think of other habits that can consistently keep your personal values top of mind.
And, if you get started and stumble along the way, be gently with yourself.
Remember that it takes up to 90 days to form a new habit.
You may sit down one day and begin thinking about the values that you want to continue guiding your life but then you think nothing of it for a week or even a month, so be it.
Change takes time and if you can focus first on recognizing the influences in your life that may be threatening your principles you will naturally become more in-tune with how you can protect your own, "North Star.
"
It is a rarity to find time for myself whether it be to invest in a hobby or simply sit back and relax.
So the thought of quieting my mind and reflecting on who I am as an individual can seem more like a pipe dream than a reality.
But the truth is that taking the time to be introspective is like any other priority...
you have to make the time in order for it to happen.
Once you do though you'll be surprised to learn what the most common and influential aspects of your life might be and how to effectively navigate them so that they don't compromise the personal values you strive to live by.
I can clearly remember the day my parents dropped me off at college.
As they left my mother reminded me that, "everything I needed was right there," (as she pointed to my heart).
Any time I felt lost, unsure or conflicted all I needed to do was to look within myself and the answer would be there.
Talk about some pretty powerful words to live by! In retrospect, she was right.
My parents did a wonderful job of instilling within me a strong set of principles that have guided me throughout my life, sort of like my very own North Star.
And, when I lost sight of those core values I felt adrift.
Luckily I always managed to re-center my focus but not without a few bumps and bruises here and there.
Through the years as I have become engulfed in corporate America, a blended family, a marriage and motherhood I have certainly struggled to keep those words my mother told me in focus.
I think this is a common dilemma for all us.
Life moves at such an incredible pace that the saying, "so much to do, so little time," has become more of an epidemic than a metaphor.
The truth is that it is incredibly easy to lose ourselves among all of today's tasks and to-dos.
Isn't there a little seed of fear living within each of us that one day we will look back on how we conducted our lives and it will appear unrecognizable, not at all what we envisioned as young adults starting out in the world.
So how do we keep a hold of our core principles and values in order to look back in 30,40, 50 years and feel pride in, "doing it our way?" Before looking ahead I think it's always helpful to look around first.
What influences are impacting our daily lives and our own sense of autonomy? Many of our social institutions have a significant impact on how we conduct ourselves as individuals and how closely we adhere or not to our personal values.
1) Our social circles are often made up of people with differing backgrounds and varied belief systems which in and of itself isn't a bad thing.
But you have heard the old saying, "you are only as good as the company you keep.
" This may not be true in the sense that our friends and acquaintances don't define who you are as an individual but their beliefs and behaviors can certainly rub off on us in ways that may initially go unnoticed.
Maybe you have that friend that always has something negative to say about everyone around them and one day you catch yourself falling into that same judgmental trap.
2) Many of us spend the majority of our waking hours at work which can also have a strong influence on our autonomy.
It's not uncommon today to find corporate cultures that reward ulterior motives over meritocracy leaving many employees in a tough position.
I, myself, have observed many successful executives that seemed to have sacrificed their, "morals," in order to move ahead in their career.
Although their intentions were pure, like wanting to provide for their family, the manner in which they got there wasn't guided by what you'd call, "wholesome," values.
3) Perceived expectations can also be a powerful force in our daily lives.
Between the media, society at large, our peers and even our own personal expectations of ourselves the pressure to succeed or attain perfection can be suffocating.
And while the reasonable side of us recognizes that many of these expectations simply aren't realistic we may still find ourselves struggling to meet them, sacrificing our personal values in the process.
Taking the time to step back and acknowledge these powerful influences in our lives gives you the power to define a clear set of boundaries that you can begin sticking to.
What principles are most important to you? If someone were to ask a close friend of yours what you stand for, what would you want their answer to be? What values do you want to pass onto your children? Put together a list, even if its just a mental one, of the values and principles that you want to guide your life as a partner, a professional, a friend, a human being, etc.
And then, decide what boundaries you can create in your life so that those principles remain intact.
For example: 1) Create an inspiration board using images, words, quotes or any content you want that represents your core values and can act as a visual reminder of, "who you are.
" 2) Write out your list of core values and place it somewhere that you'll see frequently.
3) Make a list of projects or goals you'd like to do that not only exude the core values you want to live by but will also ensure that they remain an integral part of your life.
These are just a few examples that may inspire you to think of other habits that can consistently keep your personal values top of mind.
And, if you get started and stumble along the way, be gently with yourself.
Remember that it takes up to 90 days to form a new habit.
You may sit down one day and begin thinking about the values that you want to continue guiding your life but then you think nothing of it for a week or even a month, so be it.
Change takes time and if you can focus first on recognizing the influences in your life that may be threatening your principles you will naturally become more in-tune with how you can protect your own, "North Star.
"
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