Whether you are thinking about filing for custody or have already filed but have not yet agreed to an order, you need to educate yourself about what works, what does not work, and what to look out for.
Making a mistake at the start could rob you of the most important thing in the world.
Spending time with your child.
If you are in the beginning stages of a child custody case you have the opportunity right now, to set yourself up for success.
Many people make the mistake of trying to please the other parent by giving in to their demands early on in the process.
If that describes you and you are thinking that they will come around and see that their way is not what is best for the child, well think again.
Unless you and the other parent agree on how child custody and visitation should be handled, you need to protect your child NOW! In my opinion, the biggest mistake parents make is giving in to the other parent and agreeing to a temporary order that makes no sense.
Parents may agree because they expect a mediator, evaluator, or judge to talk some sense into the irrational parent.
But that seldom happens.
You see mediators, evaluators, and judges experience the high emotions and drama dozens of times each day.
They easily weed out the drama from the issue.
So getting in front of these people and claiming the other parent is off their medications, is on drugs or some other explanation of why they are irrational, does not address the issue.
At this point you are left with a he said, she said, argument with no clear way out.
So the first best thing you do is do not agree to a temporary order that does not work for you.
The next biggest trap parents fall into is false allegations.
The most difficult allegation to get out of is the one based on a partial truth.
For instance, if the two of you had agreed to find a counselor to help you negotiate an agreement and they interviewed 6 counselors and then told you they had found someone they thought could help.
Next they setup a meeting and you both attend.
Later on, they tell the evaluator that they went to 6 counselors until you agreed to use one and then you still missed the first meeting.
This completely misrepresents what happened but is mathematically accurate.
This is a very mild version for an example but you should get the idea.
The way you avoid this trap is documentation.
From the moment you start this process, document everything you do associated with your child.
Email the other parent with a clarifying statement that you can use later if needed.
Imagine if you had an email that stated, "Thank you for finding counselor Smith for us to work with.
I will be at the first appointment Monday @ 2:00 pm".
If they alleged that you did not show up or involved, you could show a confirmation based on truth.
This shows that you are involved and truthful.
It also shows they cannot be trusted.
Always think of what the long term consequences of your actions are and document everything you do about and with your child.
If you do, you are much more likely to have the outcome you deserve.
Making a mistake at the start could rob you of the most important thing in the world.
Spending time with your child.
If you are in the beginning stages of a child custody case you have the opportunity right now, to set yourself up for success.
Many people make the mistake of trying to please the other parent by giving in to their demands early on in the process.
If that describes you and you are thinking that they will come around and see that their way is not what is best for the child, well think again.
Unless you and the other parent agree on how child custody and visitation should be handled, you need to protect your child NOW! In my opinion, the biggest mistake parents make is giving in to the other parent and agreeing to a temporary order that makes no sense.
Parents may agree because they expect a mediator, evaluator, or judge to talk some sense into the irrational parent.
But that seldom happens.
You see mediators, evaluators, and judges experience the high emotions and drama dozens of times each day.
They easily weed out the drama from the issue.
So getting in front of these people and claiming the other parent is off their medications, is on drugs or some other explanation of why they are irrational, does not address the issue.
At this point you are left with a he said, she said, argument with no clear way out.
So the first best thing you do is do not agree to a temporary order that does not work for you.
The next biggest trap parents fall into is false allegations.
The most difficult allegation to get out of is the one based on a partial truth.
For instance, if the two of you had agreed to find a counselor to help you negotiate an agreement and they interviewed 6 counselors and then told you they had found someone they thought could help.
Next they setup a meeting and you both attend.
Later on, they tell the evaluator that they went to 6 counselors until you agreed to use one and then you still missed the first meeting.
This completely misrepresents what happened but is mathematically accurate.
This is a very mild version for an example but you should get the idea.
The way you avoid this trap is documentation.
From the moment you start this process, document everything you do associated with your child.
Email the other parent with a clarifying statement that you can use later if needed.
Imagine if you had an email that stated, "Thank you for finding counselor Smith for us to work with.
I will be at the first appointment Monday @ 2:00 pm".
If they alleged that you did not show up or involved, you could show a confirmation based on truth.
This shows that you are involved and truthful.
It also shows they cannot be trusted.
Always think of what the long term consequences of your actions are and document everything you do about and with your child.
If you do, you are much more likely to have the outcome you deserve.
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