Who hath written such logger-headed motions? He is a mome and a noddy, deserving to be baffled. Mayhap he thought twould be a cherry-pit, plausive to the childness, but wherefore he deracinated and clouted my Romeo and Juliet to do so? Zounds! It is an imfosthume on the playhouse. Tis unfit to be ycleped so like my own play. It has bemoiled and beslubbered its name and addition.

It is lubberly, malapert and skains-mate! It is pestiferous, dirt-rotten, backbitten, and reechy. I am sick when I do look on it. To quote mine own self, it has no more brain than I have in mine elbows. My Romeo and Juliet is hearted and bewitching, ought to Petrarch. Gnomeo and Juliet hangs upon my bum. Verily, if I may speak mine own words, Gnomeo and Juliet art a boil, a plague-sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.

Verily, mine poet's pen hath both skill and argument! Ha ha!be ycleped so like my own play.

I hath written for commodity in my salad days. I stole from motions, and authors, and one Christopher Marlowe. But this abuses beyond the mark of thought. Is honor no longer so arrant, so dear? Prithee, is subscription so easily granted to baggage? Can you answer me, Master Statham? What about thee, Master McAvoy or Mistress Blunt? 'Sfoot, tell my thy reason for giving office to this sheep-biter and not to me?

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