How is it that you can be so successful as an executive or leader and feel like a failure in your own home? Why do you have the respect of so many in your realm of work but lack the respect of those you love the most? It seems all too frequently a successful man or woman struggles with conflicts and disappointments in his or her marriage and/or family and feels clueless about how to resolve the problems.
You are smart and capable and know how to be a leader at work, but when it comes to the home front your heart is aching and you are frustrated and angry.
Things fall apart in people's relationships for various and complex reasons but often it is because of the way we and those we love respond to stress.
Those in positions of leadership have special demands to work long hours, travel extensively, and keep multiple stakeholders happy.
When we ignore our limits and push ourselves too hard for too long something has to give.
In the process we also ignore the limits of those we care about the most.
Subconscious psychological or motivational factors may drive us and those we love to behave in hurtful ways for reasons we don't understand.
Sometimes circumstances beyond our control create overbearing stress.
When things break down, there are six critical things to do to get your marriage back on track.
1.
Face the truth.
Whatever program you might look into, admitting that there is a problem and naming that problem is always the first step.
We tend to hope that if we ignore a problem it will go away.
That seldom works and things just get more complicated.
2.
Get help now.
Typically when we find ourselves under stress we try harder.
The problem is we do more of what we are already doing and know how to do, which of course only digs a deeper hole.
At this point it is critical to swallow your pride and realize you can't do it alone, and you don't have to - help is available.
It may be best to work on yourself first or you may need help as a couple.
Seek out professionals and communities that will support you in your journey.
3.
Open your eyes.
As you get help and support you will be challenged to see things in new ways.
Be open to new perspectives because insight is a foundational element of real and lasting change.
4.
Focus on Changing Yourself.
It is natural to assume that things would be fine if your partner would just change.
However, you must shift the focus to changing yourself, which is all you can really control anyway.
Changing your responses to your partner can be difficult but learning a systematic approach can help to reduce complexity.
The way we live in our marriage is based on habits we have acquired over time on multiple levels, whether we are aware of these habits or not.
For example, the system I use in coaching emphasizes letting go of self-defeating habits and instituting habits of success.
It includes: a.
Changing thought habits b.
Changing behavioral habits c.
Changing emotional habits d.
Changing spiritual habits 5.
Assume the responsibilities of partnership.
Being a marriage partner does not necessarily mean being equally involved in all aspects of your family life.
For most executives and business leaders that in not realistic.
However, partnership does mean that each contributes his or her strengths and energy in ways that are mutually agreeable and sustainable.
6.
Commit to see it through.
When you seek out help for a particular issue, there is a temptation to quit when the initial pain subsides.
Sometimes that may be appropriate but sustainable change requires ongoing adaptation and practice of new habits.
So be persistent and keep working on your relationship and your own personal maturity until you have really grown to a higher level in your life.
Don't waste a good crisis! These tips and ideas can steer you back on track if you follow them.
Please take action now before it is too late.
To your success and well-being!