Staying on top of the many legal, financial, and insurance coverage issues you are facing is essential in making sure your aging parent is being cared for.
It also can be quite complicated and, therefore, we urge you to consider talking with the appropriate professional when possible.
It is likely you'll meet resistance from your parent as you take on more responsibility.
Remember, although your intentions are good, it is your parent's life.
Unless declared incompetent, he or she has the final say regarding how to deal with assets, what kinds of insurance coverage to carry, and, especially, how much and what kinds of medical treatment is desired.
You can try to influence, you can cajole, or you can even demand that you or someone else be involved in the decision-making.
But never lose sight of your parent's autonomy.
That said, there are definitely some other things you need to do to make sure your parents' basic needs are being met, that they are maintaining as much independence as possible given their medical and physical condition, and, essentially, that the quality of their lives is as good as it can possibly be.
To do so means you must use all of your investigative prowess, being careful not to step on their sense of independence and autonomy.
That's a fine line to walk.
There will likely be times you step too far, and times when you don't step far enough.
Both have their consequences.
Go too far and the relationship with your parent is likely to be strained or, if more serious, broken.
In addition, the more you "take over", the easier it will be for your parent to become totally dependent on you.
The burden will become increasingly severe, and your parents' ability to take care of themselves will diminish.
That will likely have an effect on their health.
The level of your involvement would then have to increase, and could continue to spiral until your parents have lost all ability to take care of even the most minor things.
On the other hand, if you don't take on enough responsibility, the effects could be far worse.
They can even be harmful.
It is our opinion, therefore, that erring on the side of too much involvement is the safer road.
Your parents will often tell you when you've gone too far (at least mine did, quite emphatically in fact).
At the same time, we urge you to be blatantly honest about your intentions.
Many seniors, women especially, have not had the responsibility of paying bills, and then have to do so after their spouse dies.
It can be difficult sometimes to make sure the cash flow is handled well and that all the bills are paid properly.
If your parent is one that obviously needs assistance in this area, or if you've noticed that she's bounced a check or two, you'll naturally want to be able to inspect her checkbook to see if you can prevent other checks from bouncing.
Instead of just going through your mother's purse to find her checkbook, it's a good idea to involve her with this task.
You may say to her, for example, that you would like to see her checkbook, "because I know you've had a bit of difficulty balancing the checkbook and I just want to make sure all the checks have been recorded.
" As a general rule, the more observant you are, the better off your parent will be.
That means paying close attention and keeping a keen ear and eye when visiting and speaking on the phone.