Once we've said our goodbyes and returned each other's CD's there comes a period of recognition and acceptance that the relationship is finally over.
We know that the person is not in our life anymore but how do we face the facts and come to terms with the grim realisation that we are truly over.
How to face the facts that we are over: - We may have felt the pressure to be what they wanted us to be, but then gradually realised that the relationship has become increasingly false.
Often difficulties in a relationship bring with them a time of negotiation, a period of 'if only I could be more like they want me to be we will survive'.
This mindset implies that in some way, the other person's opinions and needs are more valid than our own.
After a divorce there can be a strong sense of failure, as if we were in some way not good enough.
Coming to terms with the end of our relationship can mean facing the fact that in order to be happy we have to be able to be ourselves.
- Part of healing and acceptance can involve acknowledging that sometimes people grow and develop in different ways.
This can be especially true when a couple get together at a young age.
Sometimes we start with a joint dream for our future together but it can become modified and amended over the years.
If our partner discovers new priorities and interests we may end up with two completely different, non-complementary philosophies and goals.
Sometimes the end of our relationship means accepting that fact.
- The very things that drew us together can ultimately push us apart.
The qualities that we once found appealing may start to repel us.
We may have found their ambition and single-mindedness attractive, but over time it may start to appear materialistic or superficial.
Different life experiences influence and affect our goals and values.
This is a fundamental fact of life.
- Facing the facts can mean appreciating the role that the relationship has played in our life.
Every experience has its own value and brings important lessons about ourselves and other people.
Acknowledging what we have experienced and learned throughout the relationship can mean that the healing process is a positive experience.
We have valued the time together and how it has contributed to our journey through life.
Each step teaches us so much, introduces us to new people, interests, experiences, situations from which we can learn and grow.
- 'It's their loss' is the best way to face the end of our relationship.
I read somewhere that the ultimate revenge is indifference and I like the notion of being so completely over the other person that it doesn't matter what they do.
It's of no consequence to us.
We wish them no harm, are pleased at their success, but remain unaffected by their activities.
- Looking forward to a positive future is the most constructive way to face the fact that our relationship is over.
By using the divorce as a fresh start, a time to focus on what we want to do next, perhaps using it as an opportunity to revitalise ourselves, our home, maybe overhaul our image, lose a little weight, retrain in new skills, we can start to look forward with excitement to what lies ahead.
Every experience brings new lessons into our lives.
Sometimes they may be lessons that we don't want to learn, but valuing each step moves us along our path, another step closer to our destination.
Once we have faced the facts that our relationship is over, tried to learn from the experience and healed our wounds, only then are we ready to move onto the next stage of our journey.
We know that the person is not in our life anymore but how do we face the facts and come to terms with the grim realisation that we are truly over.
How to face the facts that we are over: - We may have felt the pressure to be what they wanted us to be, but then gradually realised that the relationship has become increasingly false.
Often difficulties in a relationship bring with them a time of negotiation, a period of 'if only I could be more like they want me to be we will survive'.
This mindset implies that in some way, the other person's opinions and needs are more valid than our own.
After a divorce there can be a strong sense of failure, as if we were in some way not good enough.
Coming to terms with the end of our relationship can mean facing the fact that in order to be happy we have to be able to be ourselves.
- Part of healing and acceptance can involve acknowledging that sometimes people grow and develop in different ways.
This can be especially true when a couple get together at a young age.
Sometimes we start with a joint dream for our future together but it can become modified and amended over the years.
If our partner discovers new priorities and interests we may end up with two completely different, non-complementary philosophies and goals.
Sometimes the end of our relationship means accepting that fact.
- The very things that drew us together can ultimately push us apart.
The qualities that we once found appealing may start to repel us.
We may have found their ambition and single-mindedness attractive, but over time it may start to appear materialistic or superficial.
Different life experiences influence and affect our goals and values.
This is a fundamental fact of life.
- Facing the facts can mean appreciating the role that the relationship has played in our life.
Every experience has its own value and brings important lessons about ourselves and other people.
Acknowledging what we have experienced and learned throughout the relationship can mean that the healing process is a positive experience.
We have valued the time together and how it has contributed to our journey through life.
Each step teaches us so much, introduces us to new people, interests, experiences, situations from which we can learn and grow.
- 'It's their loss' is the best way to face the end of our relationship.
I read somewhere that the ultimate revenge is indifference and I like the notion of being so completely over the other person that it doesn't matter what they do.
It's of no consequence to us.
We wish them no harm, are pleased at their success, but remain unaffected by their activities.
- Looking forward to a positive future is the most constructive way to face the fact that our relationship is over.
By using the divorce as a fresh start, a time to focus on what we want to do next, perhaps using it as an opportunity to revitalise ourselves, our home, maybe overhaul our image, lose a little weight, retrain in new skills, we can start to look forward with excitement to what lies ahead.
Every experience brings new lessons into our lives.
Sometimes they may be lessons that we don't want to learn, but valuing each step moves us along our path, another step closer to our destination.
Once we have faced the facts that our relationship is over, tried to learn from the experience and healed our wounds, only then are we ready to move onto the next stage of our journey.
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