There was really no reason to get my teenage son a new bed.
Sure, he complained that his bed was too small and uncomfortable.
True, it was the same bed he's slept in since he was 6.
But also true was that the bed sat in the middle of his room.
A foul cesspool that we call: The Hole.
In The Hole, things move on the floor.
Clothes stick to the wall (and I don't want to know why).
Pets defecate.
Ants construct mini-cities around the remnants of doughnuts and potato chips.
This is my son's room.
The Hole.
Why on earth would we want to put a brand new bed in the middle of it? Well, as parents often do, my wife and I caved to his demands, naively thinking that maybe a new bed may in itself motivate him to fumigate, clean and de-fungify that place called The Hole.
So we ordered a new bed for him.
Other parents of teenage boys will recognize The Hole.
But whether you've got kids or not, you're going to recognize the next part of this story.
It's about what happened after we decided to buy my son a new bed.
The furniture store had an excellent selection.
Very nice staff.
Reasonable prices.
We bought the bed and were happy with the purchase.
We paid up front.
We were told that we would be called when the bed was delivered to the store and we could setup delivery from there.
We actually felt bad for the delivery guys.
We paid extra for the hazmat suits they needed to enter The Hole.
And sure enough, a few days later, we got the call from the store to schedule delivery.
Penny pinchers, know what's coming next? "Would you be available next Thursday?" I was asked.
"Sure," I said.
And then I asked a silly question.
"Can you come by at 10?" Dead silence.
"Hello?" I said again.
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't confirm a time.
" Excuse me? "We just need to know the day you're available and then we'll call you the night before to give you a window of time for when the delivery truck will arrive.
" Excuse me? It took a few seconds for this to sink in.
The nice girl was asking me to keep next Thursday, the entire day, completely free and clear.
Then the night before they'll give me a "window" when they'll be coming by.
I was being asked to rearrange my life for them.
And worse, for a bed likely to be covered in mold within a few weeks of arriving at The Hole.
Of course the store had lots of good reasons for this policy.
The nice girl explained them to me.
They have many delivery trucks to schedule.
Their computer system won't let them lock in a date until the day before.
That's because it works out the most efficient ways to schedule these trucks.
These are all good reasons.
For the furniture store.
For its profits.
For its shareholders.
Hooray for them.
But what about me? The customer? Don't I have a life? Don't I have a job? I'm going to rearrange my whole schedule so I can accommodate them? And, for God's sake, all because of a new bed for The Hole? The nice girl on the phone didn't seem to care too much about this.
Not her fault.
She was just following policy.
Good penny pinchers don't have policies like these.
They wouldn't treat their customers this way.
Penny pinchers put their customers' satisfaction first before their own internal systems and profit margins.
They are grateful, especially in these times, when a customer makes a significant purchase.
They do everything possible to accommodate their customers' schedules.
They work hard to give them the best experience possible from the time they walk in the door to the time they complete a survey at the end.
They realize that getting paid up front for a delivery doesn't mean the customer has relinquished all control over when their product gets delivered.
Penny pinchers are always looking to improve their systems.
They're not tied down by their own technology.
If customers are frustrated then they try to figure out how they can use their software to reduce that frustration.
I have many clients, roofers and window cleaners and landscapers, who seem capable of scheduling their service guys two or three weeks in advance.
Some use software to do this.
Others put it all on a big white board.
Whatever.
These penny pinchers just make sure their customers are happy first.
Penny pinchers also think of creative ways to service their customers and still profit.
For example, maybe the management gurus at the furniture could come up with new delivery pricing schedule.
For those high maintenance customers who insist on specific times of delivery, they may pay a premium.
The rest can pay a standard charge.
Wouldn't this compensate for any potential profit loss? Customers like having options.
Penny pinchers know this, too.
I gave up, of course.
I re-arranged my schedule to accommodate them.
It irks me to admit this.
I got my revenge in the end though.
I didn't warn the delivery guys about The Hole.
And they all came down with some sort of flesh eating skin affliction which caused them to miss a few weeks of work.
What a headache for their delivery operation! They learned more than one lesson that day: Don't forget your hazmat suit when entering The Hole.
And pay a little more attention to the needs of your customers.
Sure, he complained that his bed was too small and uncomfortable.
True, it was the same bed he's slept in since he was 6.
But also true was that the bed sat in the middle of his room.
A foul cesspool that we call: The Hole.
In The Hole, things move on the floor.
Clothes stick to the wall (and I don't want to know why).
Pets defecate.
Ants construct mini-cities around the remnants of doughnuts and potato chips.
This is my son's room.
The Hole.
Why on earth would we want to put a brand new bed in the middle of it? Well, as parents often do, my wife and I caved to his demands, naively thinking that maybe a new bed may in itself motivate him to fumigate, clean and de-fungify that place called The Hole.
So we ordered a new bed for him.
Other parents of teenage boys will recognize The Hole.
But whether you've got kids or not, you're going to recognize the next part of this story.
It's about what happened after we decided to buy my son a new bed.
The furniture store had an excellent selection.
Very nice staff.
Reasonable prices.
We bought the bed and were happy with the purchase.
We paid up front.
We were told that we would be called when the bed was delivered to the store and we could setup delivery from there.
We actually felt bad for the delivery guys.
We paid extra for the hazmat suits they needed to enter The Hole.
And sure enough, a few days later, we got the call from the store to schedule delivery.
Penny pinchers, know what's coming next? "Would you be available next Thursday?" I was asked.
"Sure," I said.
And then I asked a silly question.
"Can you come by at 10?" Dead silence.
"Hello?" I said again.
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't confirm a time.
" Excuse me? "We just need to know the day you're available and then we'll call you the night before to give you a window of time for when the delivery truck will arrive.
" Excuse me? It took a few seconds for this to sink in.
The nice girl was asking me to keep next Thursday, the entire day, completely free and clear.
Then the night before they'll give me a "window" when they'll be coming by.
I was being asked to rearrange my life for them.
And worse, for a bed likely to be covered in mold within a few weeks of arriving at The Hole.
Of course the store had lots of good reasons for this policy.
The nice girl explained them to me.
They have many delivery trucks to schedule.
Their computer system won't let them lock in a date until the day before.
That's because it works out the most efficient ways to schedule these trucks.
These are all good reasons.
For the furniture store.
For its profits.
For its shareholders.
Hooray for them.
But what about me? The customer? Don't I have a life? Don't I have a job? I'm going to rearrange my whole schedule so I can accommodate them? And, for God's sake, all because of a new bed for The Hole? The nice girl on the phone didn't seem to care too much about this.
Not her fault.
She was just following policy.
Good penny pinchers don't have policies like these.
They wouldn't treat their customers this way.
Penny pinchers put their customers' satisfaction first before their own internal systems and profit margins.
They are grateful, especially in these times, when a customer makes a significant purchase.
They do everything possible to accommodate their customers' schedules.
They work hard to give them the best experience possible from the time they walk in the door to the time they complete a survey at the end.
They realize that getting paid up front for a delivery doesn't mean the customer has relinquished all control over when their product gets delivered.
Penny pinchers are always looking to improve their systems.
They're not tied down by their own technology.
If customers are frustrated then they try to figure out how they can use their software to reduce that frustration.
I have many clients, roofers and window cleaners and landscapers, who seem capable of scheduling their service guys two or three weeks in advance.
Some use software to do this.
Others put it all on a big white board.
Whatever.
These penny pinchers just make sure their customers are happy first.
Penny pinchers also think of creative ways to service their customers and still profit.
For example, maybe the management gurus at the furniture could come up with new delivery pricing schedule.
For those high maintenance customers who insist on specific times of delivery, they may pay a premium.
The rest can pay a standard charge.
Wouldn't this compensate for any potential profit loss? Customers like having options.
Penny pinchers know this, too.
I gave up, of course.
I re-arranged my schedule to accommodate them.
It irks me to admit this.
I got my revenge in the end though.
I didn't warn the delivery guys about The Hole.
And they all came down with some sort of flesh eating skin affliction which caused them to miss a few weeks of work.
What a headache for their delivery operation! They learned more than one lesson that day: Don't forget your hazmat suit when entering The Hole.
And pay a little more attention to the needs of your customers.
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