We often find ourselves involved in personal relationships that lack clarity and definition.
The most common causes of these 'gray' bondings tend to stem from assumed, unspoken, and undefined expectations.
Unless you are ambivalent and don't have expectations of any sort, try asking for clarity within your personal relationships in the same way and with the same level of expectation as you would from your employer regarding your job responsibilities.
What do you desire and/or expect of me? And, here is what I desire and/or expect of you.
The three types of 'involvement': The definitions that follow are composites and may differ slightly depending on cultural influences and/or religious beliefs.
The objective in identifying the three levels of involvement is to establish a better understanding as to just how they differ from each other so that you may be better able to make clear and timely decisions regarding your desired level of involvement.
Definitions: Platonic - a non-sexual affectionate relationship not subject to gender pairings and including close relatives Romantic - a very close relationship between friends who are physically and/or spiritually attracted to each other; words of deep affection and passion are spoken frequently, and interaction often involves a degree of physical closeness such as holding hands and cuddling, but not necessarily including sexual contact.
Intimate - a particularly close relationship defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment.
Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, like and/or love, and those we are comfortable sharing sexual relations and passionate expression with.
Platonic relationships are simple enough to manage and seldom become complicated; they grow and are carried along by a respectful, continuous, and mutual choice to share the uncomplicated joy of another's company.
Before engaging in romantic or intimate behaviors, take the time to be certain that you and your friend are of like-mind.
While intimacy and romance sound very similar in their connotations, - and are often intertwined - the expectations for each and the levels of trust desired or needed may be very different from person to person.
Many lengthy relationships have seemingly survived on romance alone; and, the same can be said - although much less often - of those sharing intimacy.
The likelihood is that those relationships that have endured continue to observe and appreciate the simple joys and the respect found primarily in platonic relationships.
Misunderstandings - created by differing wants or needs or by differing interpretations - happen often and easily and can damage the trust that is the foundation of your relationship.
Those wants or needs should be expressed early, often, and clearly to ensure that mutual relationship desires have been identified and agreed upon.
The three levels of 'affection': Like, Love, and Lust are clearly very different levels of affection and should be foremost in your thought process when building relationships.
Do not assume that your desires are either understood or mutual; and, at no time and under no circumstance should expectations be created without first verbally identifying your desired level of affection.
Definitions: Like - to find agreeable or enjoyable Love - a deep affection or fondness; to greatly cherish Lust - a strong sexual desire Let's say that you have an (intimate) involvement that begins as a mutually lusty tryst (known as visceral sex) and is subsequently driven primarily by physical attraction.
The intimate participants would be wise to acknowledge 'that' (lust) fact early on before ever-changing romantic sensibilities have a chance to rewrite the story and misrepresent the true genesis of the relationship.
In time, a very respectful, committed, and emotion-based partnership (known as relational sex) may certainly evolve.
What is the caveat of a lust-born or visceral relationship? Make sure that it is not being offered or accepted as a substitute for real intimacy; and, remember that deepening feelings for one may NOT be shared or returned in the same way.
What is important is to appreciate the differences between the levels of affection and to understand that LIKE and - ultimately - LOVE, together, offer the greatest chance at long-term happiness.
Elaine and G.
William Walster - in their book 'A new look at love' - remind us that the affection of love can appear in two very different forms: passionate love and companionate love.
Passionate love can be a wildly emotional state; a confusion of feelings: tenderness and sexuality, elation and pain, anxiety and relief, altruism and jealousy.
Companionate love, on the other hand, is lower-keyed.
It is an abiding and friendly affection as well as a deep attachment to someone.
This is the type of love that forms the basis of long-lasting relationships
The most common causes of these 'gray' bondings tend to stem from assumed, unspoken, and undefined expectations.
Unless you are ambivalent and don't have expectations of any sort, try asking for clarity within your personal relationships in the same way and with the same level of expectation as you would from your employer regarding your job responsibilities.
What do you desire and/or expect of me? And, here is what I desire and/or expect of you.
The three types of 'involvement': The definitions that follow are composites and may differ slightly depending on cultural influences and/or religious beliefs.
The objective in identifying the three levels of involvement is to establish a better understanding as to just how they differ from each other so that you may be better able to make clear and timely decisions regarding your desired level of involvement.
Definitions: Platonic - a non-sexual affectionate relationship not subject to gender pairings and including close relatives Romantic - a very close relationship between friends who are physically and/or spiritually attracted to each other; words of deep affection and passion are spoken frequently, and interaction often involves a degree of physical closeness such as holding hands and cuddling, but not necessarily including sexual contact.
Intimate - a particularly close relationship defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment.
Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, like and/or love, and those we are comfortable sharing sexual relations and passionate expression with.
Platonic relationships are simple enough to manage and seldom become complicated; they grow and are carried along by a respectful, continuous, and mutual choice to share the uncomplicated joy of another's company.
Before engaging in romantic or intimate behaviors, take the time to be certain that you and your friend are of like-mind.
While intimacy and romance sound very similar in their connotations, - and are often intertwined - the expectations for each and the levels of trust desired or needed may be very different from person to person.
Many lengthy relationships have seemingly survived on romance alone; and, the same can be said - although much less often - of those sharing intimacy.
The likelihood is that those relationships that have endured continue to observe and appreciate the simple joys and the respect found primarily in platonic relationships.
Misunderstandings - created by differing wants or needs or by differing interpretations - happen often and easily and can damage the trust that is the foundation of your relationship.
Those wants or needs should be expressed early, often, and clearly to ensure that mutual relationship desires have been identified and agreed upon.
The three levels of 'affection': Like, Love, and Lust are clearly very different levels of affection and should be foremost in your thought process when building relationships.
Do not assume that your desires are either understood or mutual; and, at no time and under no circumstance should expectations be created without first verbally identifying your desired level of affection.
Definitions: Like - to find agreeable or enjoyable Love - a deep affection or fondness; to greatly cherish Lust - a strong sexual desire Let's say that you have an (intimate) involvement that begins as a mutually lusty tryst (known as visceral sex) and is subsequently driven primarily by physical attraction.
The intimate participants would be wise to acknowledge 'that' (lust) fact early on before ever-changing romantic sensibilities have a chance to rewrite the story and misrepresent the true genesis of the relationship.
In time, a very respectful, committed, and emotion-based partnership (known as relational sex) may certainly evolve.
What is the caveat of a lust-born or visceral relationship? Make sure that it is not being offered or accepted as a substitute for real intimacy; and, remember that deepening feelings for one may NOT be shared or returned in the same way.
What is important is to appreciate the differences between the levels of affection and to understand that LIKE and - ultimately - LOVE, together, offer the greatest chance at long-term happiness.
Elaine and G.
William Walster - in their book 'A new look at love' - remind us that the affection of love can appear in two very different forms: passionate love and companionate love.
Passionate love can be a wildly emotional state; a confusion of feelings: tenderness and sexuality, elation and pain, anxiety and relief, altruism and jealousy.
Companionate love, on the other hand, is lower-keyed.
It is an abiding and friendly affection as well as a deep attachment to someone.
This is the type of love that forms the basis of long-lasting relationships
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