You've found your dream woman or man.
Now what happens once you find that special someone? How can you be sure to make your relationship a healthy, happy and lasting one? In looking at the relationships that work and last lifetimes, there are 5 identifiable characteristics that are present that make a relationship last: 1) Contentment.
Happy couples are content to just sit with each other.
Namely, they enjoy each other's company.
They want to do things together and they are happy when they do.
Now, sometimes you just want to be alone and that is okay, but this speaks mostly to the quality of time spent together.
If it is spent arguing and bickering, there is likely not a lot of contentment in spending time with each other.
2) Mutual Respect.
Lasting couples are proud to be with their partner and in general, respect their partner's choices and decisions.
The number one danger to relationships (I saw this a lot in my family counseling days) is being disrespectful in your interactions and communication.
This includes constant negativity, put-downs, name-calling, empty threats, etc.
Often this happens when couples are angry and fighting but being emotional does not give you the right to be a jerk.
Couples who play dirty when they fight have failing relationships.
3) Shared Experiences.
Doing things together, namely, experiencing things together provides intimacy and some good stories to reminisce about.
It is important to provide consistent opportunities to have new experiences together whether it be trying a new restaurant or taking an exotic vacation.
This does not include 'family time' with the kids.
Couples that would come into my office seeking counseling had neglected to spend time with each other as a couple, even though they spent a lot of time together with their children.
As a result, the intimacy was lost and the romance was shot.
4) Reciprocity.
I strongly believe that each person needs to be responsible for their part in the relationship, however relationships in which one person is constantly giving and the other always taking (and not by consent), is a dead end one.
Many couples aren't aware of the imbalances in their relationship or ignore their needs for the sake of its survival.
This neglect reveals itself in built up resentment and unhappiness.
5) Communication.
Couples that communicate with each other, and do so well (more on what 'well' is in a future article), have the happiest relationships.
First off, if there is an issue, these couples address it right away-that DAY.
Not after three days of a disgruntled 'I'm fine' and hoping the other will read their mind from the silent treatment.
Healthy couples also check-in with each other to see how they can make each other happier.
There are too many people who start their relationship and then let it go on auto-pilot.
When is the last time you asked your partner if they were happy in your relationship? Have you had a 'check in', in which you look at what is working and what isn't working in your relationship? If you want a lasting, happy and healthy relationship you want to look and see if the above 5 characteristics exist.
Furthermore, ask your partner if they think these 5 aspects are present in your relationship.
If some are missing, it is no reason to panic and end the relationship.
Instead, take action and address these issues with your partner and if you are both committed to the relationship, there are many resources to assist you such as couples counseling, relationship retreats and coaching.
Now what happens once you find that special someone? How can you be sure to make your relationship a healthy, happy and lasting one? In looking at the relationships that work and last lifetimes, there are 5 identifiable characteristics that are present that make a relationship last: 1) Contentment.
Happy couples are content to just sit with each other.
Namely, they enjoy each other's company.
They want to do things together and they are happy when they do.
Now, sometimes you just want to be alone and that is okay, but this speaks mostly to the quality of time spent together.
If it is spent arguing and bickering, there is likely not a lot of contentment in spending time with each other.
2) Mutual Respect.
Lasting couples are proud to be with their partner and in general, respect their partner's choices and decisions.
The number one danger to relationships (I saw this a lot in my family counseling days) is being disrespectful in your interactions and communication.
This includes constant negativity, put-downs, name-calling, empty threats, etc.
Often this happens when couples are angry and fighting but being emotional does not give you the right to be a jerk.
Couples who play dirty when they fight have failing relationships.
3) Shared Experiences.
Doing things together, namely, experiencing things together provides intimacy and some good stories to reminisce about.
It is important to provide consistent opportunities to have new experiences together whether it be trying a new restaurant or taking an exotic vacation.
This does not include 'family time' with the kids.
Couples that would come into my office seeking counseling had neglected to spend time with each other as a couple, even though they spent a lot of time together with their children.
As a result, the intimacy was lost and the romance was shot.
4) Reciprocity.
I strongly believe that each person needs to be responsible for their part in the relationship, however relationships in which one person is constantly giving and the other always taking (and not by consent), is a dead end one.
Many couples aren't aware of the imbalances in their relationship or ignore their needs for the sake of its survival.
This neglect reveals itself in built up resentment and unhappiness.
5) Communication.
Couples that communicate with each other, and do so well (more on what 'well' is in a future article), have the happiest relationships.
First off, if there is an issue, these couples address it right away-that DAY.
Not after three days of a disgruntled 'I'm fine' and hoping the other will read their mind from the silent treatment.
Healthy couples also check-in with each other to see how they can make each other happier.
There are too many people who start their relationship and then let it go on auto-pilot.
When is the last time you asked your partner if they were happy in your relationship? Have you had a 'check in', in which you look at what is working and what isn't working in your relationship? If you want a lasting, happy and healthy relationship you want to look and see if the above 5 characteristics exist.
Furthermore, ask your partner if they think these 5 aspects are present in your relationship.
If some are missing, it is no reason to panic and end the relationship.
Instead, take action and address these issues with your partner and if you are both committed to the relationship, there are many resources to assist you such as couples counseling, relationship retreats and coaching.
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