The feeling of guilt seems to hover over us at times.
This is especially true when caring for a loved one whether in your home or theirs.
You want to meet their needs as much as possible.
You want them to be comfortable and content.
You may feel prepared for the task and do quite well until their health and mental condition begin to fail and you cannot help.
Guilt can show up quickly, for instance, when an elderly mother begins to realize she is losing her freedoms and has fears concerning her future.
Watching her health and well-being deteriorate each day while in your constant care can seem unbearable.
My elderly mother deserved the best of care and I was determined she would have it.
Fortunately I had the health and energy to care for her physical needs.
I had friends who offered help on occasion so I could rest.
I had the mental ability and experience to handler her financial needs and record keeping.
I could not, however, keep her from aging or make her happy every day.
I began to feel guilty that I was not able to do more, and I felt alone.
Perhaps you will find what I learned on my journey to be helpful to you.
#1 Realize you are not alone.
As I begin to read articles and talk with other caregivers, I found my feelings were a natural part of caring.
One of the best ways to shake those feelings and get a new perspective is to read about others in your situation or visit with other family caregivers.
#2 Recognize your feelings are normal.
The guilt will continue to pile up as long as you are afraid to honestly admit how things are going for you.
We learn to express our love in doing for others; when we feel our "doing" is not enough, we will naturally feel guilty for not having met more needs.
#3 Find out if you have reason to feel guilty.
Are you personally doing all you know how to do? Is there a better solution? Are you needing help and unwilling to ask for or accept it? Identify the specific problem that seems to keep you feeling guilty; then fix it, and move on.
#4 If you do not find any specific area to fix (see question #4), then the underlying cause of your frequent feelings of guilt may simply be lack of rest and sleep.
Often those feelings occur when we become overly tired and burnt out.
You are only human, not super-woman.
Allow yourself time to rest, time to cry, time to get in touch with reality.
#5.
Forgive yourself.
Not all guilty feelings are superficial; we do make mistakes.
I do not always do things the best way for those I in my care or for the rest of the household.
Forgiving ourselves is difficult, but necessary for freedom from guilt.
Above all, spend time with the One who gives us rest and peace and calms our storms.
Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven lade, and I will give you rest.
"
This is especially true when caring for a loved one whether in your home or theirs.
You want to meet their needs as much as possible.
You want them to be comfortable and content.
You may feel prepared for the task and do quite well until their health and mental condition begin to fail and you cannot help.
Guilt can show up quickly, for instance, when an elderly mother begins to realize she is losing her freedoms and has fears concerning her future.
Watching her health and well-being deteriorate each day while in your constant care can seem unbearable.
My elderly mother deserved the best of care and I was determined she would have it.
Fortunately I had the health and energy to care for her physical needs.
I had friends who offered help on occasion so I could rest.
I had the mental ability and experience to handler her financial needs and record keeping.
I could not, however, keep her from aging or make her happy every day.
I began to feel guilty that I was not able to do more, and I felt alone.
Perhaps you will find what I learned on my journey to be helpful to you.
#1 Realize you are not alone.
As I begin to read articles and talk with other caregivers, I found my feelings were a natural part of caring.
One of the best ways to shake those feelings and get a new perspective is to read about others in your situation or visit with other family caregivers.
#2 Recognize your feelings are normal.
The guilt will continue to pile up as long as you are afraid to honestly admit how things are going for you.
We learn to express our love in doing for others; when we feel our "doing" is not enough, we will naturally feel guilty for not having met more needs.
#3 Find out if you have reason to feel guilty.
Are you personally doing all you know how to do? Is there a better solution? Are you needing help and unwilling to ask for or accept it? Identify the specific problem that seems to keep you feeling guilty; then fix it, and move on.
#4 If you do not find any specific area to fix (see question #4), then the underlying cause of your frequent feelings of guilt may simply be lack of rest and sleep.
Often those feelings occur when we become overly tired and burnt out.
You are only human, not super-woman.
Allow yourself time to rest, time to cry, time to get in touch with reality.
#5.
Forgive yourself.
Not all guilty feelings are superficial; we do make mistakes.
I do not always do things the best way for those I in my care or for the rest of the household.
Forgiving ourselves is difficult, but necessary for freedom from guilt.
Above all, spend time with the One who gives us rest and peace and calms our storms.
Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven lade, and I will give you rest.
"
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