In this country, 10,000 people retire a day, most of them woefully unprepared for the astounding changes in daily life.
Oh, perhaps they have their company pension or IRAs all figured out but statistics show they haven't given sufficient thought to the most critical aspects of retirement: what are you doing the rest of your life? Of course you need good financial advice but any advisor worth his salt will want to know about your non-financial retirement perspective.
Who will you be that first day you wake up and don't have to go to the office? For untold numbers of retirees, failure to think through these aspects of the retirement lifestyle leads to boredom, depression, and even physical failure.
The average age of retirement is 58 and we're living into our late 80s and early 90s.
That's thirty years of life left, folks.
What's your plan? Let's look boldly at the other side of retirement, and start talking about the factors that truly make the difference between happiness and wasted time.
#1: "The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.
" Abe Lemans Leisure isn't fun if it's all you do.
Most of our working lives we suffer this delusion about golf, or gardening or some other hobby we plan to do non-stop.
We construct a fantasy of "playing" or doing nothing seven days a week.
This might be wonderful for a while; the typical "honeymoon" period of retirement lasts an average of eighteen months.
But at some point playing golf or tennis every day or endlessly pursuing that which gave us joy and relief in our working world itself becomes just another job.
The definition of leisure is an activity that gives us respite from our normal course of work.
If you plan to pursue leisure activities every day of retirement you will undoubtedly find yourself in a big fix: bored and restless with the very life you envisioned in your daydreams for years.
A healthy retirement lifestyle involves plenty of diverse activities, often including more work, volunteer jobs, creative pursuits and your "leisure" activities.
#2: "The harder you work the harder it is to surrender.
" Vince Lombardi If you define yourself by what you "do," retirement can be suffering.
There's the very sad story of George Eastman, founder of Eastman Kodak.
Shortly after retiring from the giant he founded, Mr.
Eastman took his own life.
"What else is there?" he queried.
Surely you know someone (or are someone) whose self esteem is centered on productivity in "work.
" Folks who do that find themselves lost once they leave the boardroom, courtroom, cubicle, or classroom.
It is absolutely essential that you examine right now the amount of power you place in the job you do.
If you consider yourself defined by your job you may find that you are no one when you leave.
Again, imagine that first morning, waking up and not having to go to work.
Who are you now? #3: "The best time to start thinking about retirement is before the boss does.
" Unknown Author Most people give more thought and planning to a week's vacation than they do retirement, which might span three decades.
And often this "planning" doesn't even begin until crunch time: the company is planning your party, the house is for sale, your spouse is ready for you to retire.
Panic sets in, not necessarily of a financial nature, but an emotional and psychological fear that shakes you to your roots.
Planning for retirement ought to begin in our 20s, 30s, and no later than our 40s.
As often as you contribute to your 401(k) or IRA you must be thinking about the life and lifestyle you want to create when you are no longer bound by the strictures of traditional work.
Spouses need to dream collectively, friends need to talk about retirement - even the "dark side" of boredom and loneliness.
The sad truth remains that we are so obsessed with financial security that we remain blind to the most critical factors that build happiness in this huge life transition.
#4: "Cessation of work is not accompanied by cessation of expenses.
" Cato When the dust settles, of course, you need to feel financially secure.
This is a given but it's not - as we assume - the most critical factor.
How can a financial expert help you plan for the next thirty years if you don't know what your life will look like? For the first year of my "pretirement" we lived in a 300 square foot cabin on a ranch in Colorado.
We had no running water, electricity (solar power only) or indoor plumbing.
It was fun and very cheap let me tell you.
If I'm going to spend a decade in subsistence living, do I need a million dollars? Dig deep and think about the color of your actual retirement life first.
Then schedule an appointment with a financial planner.
Don't put the money cart before the lifestyle horse.
#5: "I don't plan to grow old gracefully.
I plan to have face lifts until my ears meet.
" Rita Rudner Physical changes are coming, folks.
How many of us really think about how we're going to stay healthy in retirement? Studies show that when folks retire to an inactive lifestyle, they grow "old" quicker.
When you start to create your Personal Retirement Mission Statement you must incorporate very concrete ways of staying active and healthy.
Then you can grow old gracefully, while feeling great and having fun.
Our parents retired and went from the office to the rocking chair.
Chances are you know retired people who watch television all day.
This is not an awful fate; it's a choice based on lack of preparation.
Start to envision a retired life where you are stronger and healthier than ever.
#6: "Half of life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have risked through life trying to save.
" Will Rogers Traditional work offers much that is very hard to replace, first and foremost being a way to structure your day.
When you need to be at the office by 9:00 a.
m.
and there are meetings and obligations throughout the work day your time is planned out for you.
Remove that structure, and the time management rug is pulled out from under you.
Many people, terrified by the prospect of unstructured days, quickly fill them with idle busyness, planning "projects" that are meaningless or acting "busy" in empty ways.
A Zen teacher once told me that boredom is the key to enlightenment.
Just try being bored for a day! After years of work, work, work it can be excruciating to sit still and do nothing.
How will you manage your time when retired? Will you rush to fill the hours with meaningless activity? Take a job at Wal-Mart just to stay sane? Schedule lunch dates until you gain too much weight? Work functions to give us something to do with our time.
We must expend plenty of energy planning what we are going to do with endless unfilled hours.
This is where your retirement turns into the silent suffering of boredom or blossoms into creative liveliness.
#7: "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
" R.
C.
Sheriff ...
And promptly forget about him.
Aside from meticulous time management, work also functions to give us "friends" or at least a social setting where we fit in on a daily basis.
Even with our office nemesis, we know where we stand and what to expect.
Often our colleagues become our very best friends, until we retire and they don't.
They backslap us happily, joking about golf, and send us off into neverland.
They never call, we never see them again.
Aside from time management, purpose, and a paycheck, traditional work also provides us with a social venue.
How do you intend to replace that sometimes intense bond you have developed over the years? The house, your life, can seem mighty empty devoid of all your coworkers.
After working in the same place for years, sometimes decades, it may seem onerous to start over building friendships.
This is one of the many reasons it's so important to start planning the non-financial aspects of retirement early.
We need to nurture friendships outside of work.
These are the folks who will sustain us when our office mates give us the gold watch and the good-bye.
If you haven't created any such friendships and rely exclusive on "work friends" for social stimulation you will have to devote time, thought, and energy to finding a new social stratum.
Relying on your old work partners to continue to feed you socially is a recipe for disaster.
#8: Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens.
A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement.
" Arthur E.
Morgan Begin planning for your old age in your teens! Sounds preposterous but it is the seed of a successful retirement.
Studies show that the more meaning a retiree has in her life the happier and healthier she becomes.
If your life has been devoid of purpose and meaning for decades, it might be difficult - though not impossible - to find and animate that purpose in your sixties.
All the money in the world will not bring purpose to your existence.
Similarly, endless rounds of golf simply will not fulfill you.
This is the message I would give to young folks: yes, it's important to contribute to your 401(k) or IRA but at the same time you must be envisioning a life of purpose.
You must start thinking how can I use the time and energy I will have at retirement to make myself a better person and the world a better place? We don't ask these questions often or early as we should.
So, for all the information out there about financial retirement plans I would say this tenet trumps all: how are you preparing to lead a life of meaning in retirement? #9: "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
" Chi Chi Rodriguez We've all heard stories about women who go crazy when their husbands retire.
Suddenly he's "around" all day long, following her through her daily routine, asking questions, being a pest.
There's another unspoken dark side to retirement: marriages undergo great stress at this time and few people are willing to talk about it.
My own husband is a retired Army colonel, a former JAG attorney and a leader of men to say the least.
What was he to do when the kids and troops were gone? Who was left to "order around" but me? That doesn't work out well, folks, and couples need help in making this difficult change.
Men in particular seem to suffer silently when the work rug has been pulled out from underneath them.
Spouses need to communicate honestly about how this will look: how will they spend their together time, their "alone" time? What will it feel like to be finished with the daily grind? Will they become bored and overbearing parents and grandparents? Or will they cultivate new adventures and share new enthusiasm with their families and communities? Retirement is full of choices, mostly based on perceptions and attitudes and not available finances.
We are so consumed with money that we forget that our attitude determines our attitude.
The world's most generous pension cannot penetrate a crusty, self-centered attitude.
Couples need to work - early and often - in constructing a vision of their collective retirement that creates happiness rather than suffering.
#10: "A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams.
" John Barrymore Your perception of aging will determine whether you retire successfully or miserably.
Our parents retired to the television and rocking chair.
Will you? With nearly three decades ahead of you will you be consumed by regret or on fire with passion? When the financial dust settles, this is what an expert money planner is trying to help you see: what is your dream? How can we make it come true? Retirement can be a very scary transition.
We are called on to find parts of our inner selves that might have been dormant for decades.
Do you remember being an idealistic teenager? Did you have a mission, a plan, a dream for your self, your children, or the world? Dreams get derailed when we're consumed with the demands of work and family but in retirement we will have the time, energy, and money to finally create what we have always desired.
The cultivation of wisdom as we age and transition into retirement is perhaps the most important task before us.
When we are no longer a taskmaster, when our time is no longer dictated by the company's needs we have the psychic space to finally develop the skills that bring us happiness.
Think of your retirement as a class in Wisdom 101.
How many mistakes have you made by speaking, spending, and acting impulsively? Now is the time to seek a change in our way of being that relieves our personal stress and makes us more generous.
In this reincarnation, we become more pleasant to be around, more fun and more giving.
The opposite can take root as well.
When we retire we can become bitter, bored, sarcastic, restless, and generally miserable.
Surely you know someone like this.
Don't let it be you.
Start envisioning your retirement as a time when you will give before you die, and that doesn't mean just money.
As The Beatles and The Bible have said, in giving we receive and in the end "the love you take is equal to the love you make.
" Now having the time to cultivate love and generosity of spirit, focus on using it wisely.
Maybe you wanted to open a bakery, or volunteer as a mentor for teens.
Perhaps you wanted to learn more about the history of the Roman Empire, or how to play the violin.
Maybe the Peace Corps has beckoned you for years.
All this, plus golf, tennis, gardening, new friendships, and the cultivation of wisdom and great health make retirement an unparalleled adventure.
Don't be seduced into the fear around financial planning for retirement.
Instead, focus on your hopes and dreams for those last decades of your life.
Think and plan carefully about how you will replace the functions of work in a productive and healthy way.
Talk to your friends in the same situation or work with a certified retirement coach.
Check in your area for programs to help retired folks in transition.
The University of North Carolina, for instance, has a wonderful program called the Center for Creative Retirement (www.
unca.
edu/ncccr).
This is not a solo journey though you may feel alone and adrift at times.
Retirees can be this country's most valuable resource, millions of people with wisdom, time, and energy.
Think about that and about the useless waste of this resource when people fade away into obscurity or endless rounds of golf.
What meaning and purpose can you bring to your life that will fill your days with joy rather than boredom? It's a critical question we need to ask now, and remember: "Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.
" William A.
Ward Amen to that, brother Bill.
Oh, perhaps they have their company pension or IRAs all figured out but statistics show they haven't given sufficient thought to the most critical aspects of retirement: what are you doing the rest of your life? Of course you need good financial advice but any advisor worth his salt will want to know about your non-financial retirement perspective.
Who will you be that first day you wake up and don't have to go to the office? For untold numbers of retirees, failure to think through these aspects of the retirement lifestyle leads to boredom, depression, and even physical failure.
The average age of retirement is 58 and we're living into our late 80s and early 90s.
That's thirty years of life left, folks.
What's your plan? Let's look boldly at the other side of retirement, and start talking about the factors that truly make the difference between happiness and wasted time.
#1: "The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.
" Abe Lemans Leisure isn't fun if it's all you do.
Most of our working lives we suffer this delusion about golf, or gardening or some other hobby we plan to do non-stop.
We construct a fantasy of "playing" or doing nothing seven days a week.
This might be wonderful for a while; the typical "honeymoon" period of retirement lasts an average of eighteen months.
But at some point playing golf or tennis every day or endlessly pursuing that which gave us joy and relief in our working world itself becomes just another job.
The definition of leisure is an activity that gives us respite from our normal course of work.
If you plan to pursue leisure activities every day of retirement you will undoubtedly find yourself in a big fix: bored and restless with the very life you envisioned in your daydreams for years.
A healthy retirement lifestyle involves plenty of diverse activities, often including more work, volunteer jobs, creative pursuits and your "leisure" activities.
#2: "The harder you work the harder it is to surrender.
" Vince Lombardi If you define yourself by what you "do," retirement can be suffering.
There's the very sad story of George Eastman, founder of Eastman Kodak.
Shortly after retiring from the giant he founded, Mr.
Eastman took his own life.
"What else is there?" he queried.
Surely you know someone (or are someone) whose self esteem is centered on productivity in "work.
" Folks who do that find themselves lost once they leave the boardroom, courtroom, cubicle, or classroom.
It is absolutely essential that you examine right now the amount of power you place in the job you do.
If you consider yourself defined by your job you may find that you are no one when you leave.
Again, imagine that first morning, waking up and not having to go to work.
Who are you now? #3: "The best time to start thinking about retirement is before the boss does.
" Unknown Author Most people give more thought and planning to a week's vacation than they do retirement, which might span three decades.
And often this "planning" doesn't even begin until crunch time: the company is planning your party, the house is for sale, your spouse is ready for you to retire.
Panic sets in, not necessarily of a financial nature, but an emotional and psychological fear that shakes you to your roots.
Planning for retirement ought to begin in our 20s, 30s, and no later than our 40s.
As often as you contribute to your 401(k) or IRA you must be thinking about the life and lifestyle you want to create when you are no longer bound by the strictures of traditional work.
Spouses need to dream collectively, friends need to talk about retirement - even the "dark side" of boredom and loneliness.
The sad truth remains that we are so obsessed with financial security that we remain blind to the most critical factors that build happiness in this huge life transition.
#4: "Cessation of work is not accompanied by cessation of expenses.
" Cato When the dust settles, of course, you need to feel financially secure.
This is a given but it's not - as we assume - the most critical factor.
How can a financial expert help you plan for the next thirty years if you don't know what your life will look like? For the first year of my "pretirement" we lived in a 300 square foot cabin on a ranch in Colorado.
We had no running water, electricity (solar power only) or indoor plumbing.
It was fun and very cheap let me tell you.
If I'm going to spend a decade in subsistence living, do I need a million dollars? Dig deep and think about the color of your actual retirement life first.
Then schedule an appointment with a financial planner.
Don't put the money cart before the lifestyle horse.
#5: "I don't plan to grow old gracefully.
I plan to have face lifts until my ears meet.
" Rita Rudner Physical changes are coming, folks.
How many of us really think about how we're going to stay healthy in retirement? Studies show that when folks retire to an inactive lifestyle, they grow "old" quicker.
When you start to create your Personal Retirement Mission Statement you must incorporate very concrete ways of staying active and healthy.
Then you can grow old gracefully, while feeling great and having fun.
Our parents retired and went from the office to the rocking chair.
Chances are you know retired people who watch television all day.
This is not an awful fate; it's a choice based on lack of preparation.
Start to envision a retired life where you are stronger and healthier than ever.
#6: "Half of life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have risked through life trying to save.
" Will Rogers Traditional work offers much that is very hard to replace, first and foremost being a way to structure your day.
When you need to be at the office by 9:00 a.
m.
and there are meetings and obligations throughout the work day your time is planned out for you.
Remove that structure, and the time management rug is pulled out from under you.
Many people, terrified by the prospect of unstructured days, quickly fill them with idle busyness, planning "projects" that are meaningless or acting "busy" in empty ways.
A Zen teacher once told me that boredom is the key to enlightenment.
Just try being bored for a day! After years of work, work, work it can be excruciating to sit still and do nothing.
How will you manage your time when retired? Will you rush to fill the hours with meaningless activity? Take a job at Wal-Mart just to stay sane? Schedule lunch dates until you gain too much weight? Work functions to give us something to do with our time.
We must expend plenty of energy planning what we are going to do with endless unfilled hours.
This is where your retirement turns into the silent suffering of boredom or blossoms into creative liveliness.
#7: "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
" R.
C.
Sheriff ...
And promptly forget about him.
Aside from meticulous time management, work also functions to give us "friends" or at least a social setting where we fit in on a daily basis.
Even with our office nemesis, we know where we stand and what to expect.
Often our colleagues become our very best friends, until we retire and they don't.
They backslap us happily, joking about golf, and send us off into neverland.
They never call, we never see them again.
Aside from time management, purpose, and a paycheck, traditional work also provides us with a social venue.
How do you intend to replace that sometimes intense bond you have developed over the years? The house, your life, can seem mighty empty devoid of all your coworkers.
After working in the same place for years, sometimes decades, it may seem onerous to start over building friendships.
This is one of the many reasons it's so important to start planning the non-financial aspects of retirement early.
We need to nurture friendships outside of work.
These are the folks who will sustain us when our office mates give us the gold watch and the good-bye.
If you haven't created any such friendships and rely exclusive on "work friends" for social stimulation you will have to devote time, thought, and energy to finding a new social stratum.
Relying on your old work partners to continue to feed you socially is a recipe for disaster.
#8: Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens.
A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement.
" Arthur E.
Morgan Begin planning for your old age in your teens! Sounds preposterous but it is the seed of a successful retirement.
Studies show that the more meaning a retiree has in her life the happier and healthier she becomes.
If your life has been devoid of purpose and meaning for decades, it might be difficult - though not impossible - to find and animate that purpose in your sixties.
All the money in the world will not bring purpose to your existence.
Similarly, endless rounds of golf simply will not fulfill you.
This is the message I would give to young folks: yes, it's important to contribute to your 401(k) or IRA but at the same time you must be envisioning a life of purpose.
You must start thinking how can I use the time and energy I will have at retirement to make myself a better person and the world a better place? We don't ask these questions often or early as we should.
So, for all the information out there about financial retirement plans I would say this tenet trumps all: how are you preparing to lead a life of meaning in retirement? #9: "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
" Chi Chi Rodriguez We've all heard stories about women who go crazy when their husbands retire.
Suddenly he's "around" all day long, following her through her daily routine, asking questions, being a pest.
There's another unspoken dark side to retirement: marriages undergo great stress at this time and few people are willing to talk about it.
My own husband is a retired Army colonel, a former JAG attorney and a leader of men to say the least.
What was he to do when the kids and troops were gone? Who was left to "order around" but me? That doesn't work out well, folks, and couples need help in making this difficult change.
Men in particular seem to suffer silently when the work rug has been pulled out from underneath them.
Spouses need to communicate honestly about how this will look: how will they spend their together time, their "alone" time? What will it feel like to be finished with the daily grind? Will they become bored and overbearing parents and grandparents? Or will they cultivate new adventures and share new enthusiasm with their families and communities? Retirement is full of choices, mostly based on perceptions and attitudes and not available finances.
We are so consumed with money that we forget that our attitude determines our attitude.
The world's most generous pension cannot penetrate a crusty, self-centered attitude.
Couples need to work - early and often - in constructing a vision of their collective retirement that creates happiness rather than suffering.
#10: "A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams.
" John Barrymore Your perception of aging will determine whether you retire successfully or miserably.
Our parents retired to the television and rocking chair.
Will you? With nearly three decades ahead of you will you be consumed by regret or on fire with passion? When the financial dust settles, this is what an expert money planner is trying to help you see: what is your dream? How can we make it come true? Retirement can be a very scary transition.
We are called on to find parts of our inner selves that might have been dormant for decades.
Do you remember being an idealistic teenager? Did you have a mission, a plan, a dream for your self, your children, or the world? Dreams get derailed when we're consumed with the demands of work and family but in retirement we will have the time, energy, and money to finally create what we have always desired.
The cultivation of wisdom as we age and transition into retirement is perhaps the most important task before us.
When we are no longer a taskmaster, when our time is no longer dictated by the company's needs we have the psychic space to finally develop the skills that bring us happiness.
Think of your retirement as a class in Wisdom 101.
How many mistakes have you made by speaking, spending, and acting impulsively? Now is the time to seek a change in our way of being that relieves our personal stress and makes us more generous.
In this reincarnation, we become more pleasant to be around, more fun and more giving.
The opposite can take root as well.
When we retire we can become bitter, bored, sarcastic, restless, and generally miserable.
Surely you know someone like this.
Don't let it be you.
Start envisioning your retirement as a time when you will give before you die, and that doesn't mean just money.
As The Beatles and The Bible have said, in giving we receive and in the end "the love you take is equal to the love you make.
" Now having the time to cultivate love and generosity of spirit, focus on using it wisely.
Maybe you wanted to open a bakery, or volunteer as a mentor for teens.
Perhaps you wanted to learn more about the history of the Roman Empire, or how to play the violin.
Maybe the Peace Corps has beckoned you for years.
All this, plus golf, tennis, gardening, new friendships, and the cultivation of wisdom and great health make retirement an unparalleled adventure.
Don't be seduced into the fear around financial planning for retirement.
Instead, focus on your hopes and dreams for those last decades of your life.
Think and plan carefully about how you will replace the functions of work in a productive and healthy way.
Talk to your friends in the same situation or work with a certified retirement coach.
Check in your area for programs to help retired folks in transition.
The University of North Carolina, for instance, has a wonderful program called the Center for Creative Retirement (www.
unca.
edu/ncccr).
This is not a solo journey though you may feel alone and adrift at times.
Retirees can be this country's most valuable resource, millions of people with wisdom, time, and energy.
Think about that and about the useless waste of this resource when people fade away into obscurity or endless rounds of golf.
What meaning and purpose can you bring to your life that will fill your days with joy rather than boredom? It's a critical question we need to ask now, and remember: "Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.
" William A.
Ward Amen to that, brother Bill.
SHARE
