There I was...
back on the locked mental health floor from cardiac intensive care.
I was in cardiac icu because of all of the drugs I was placed on for 7 years by 2 doctors in one(1) practice.
Just to recap, the drugs were Oxycontin, Vicodin, Morphine, Methadone, Norco, Fentanyl Patches, Fentanyl Tablets, Ativan, Trazodone, Lyrica, and Percocet (amonst a few scattered others).
The lethal cocktail of drugs I was given cause serious cardiac arrhythmias (irregular heartbeats), dehydration, and a critical imbalance of my fluids and electroyltes.
I can remember being so very sick.
This was a "sick" unlike anything I'd ever known or could even imagine.
I didn't have my drugs for days now and the withdrawal was horrific.
The hallucinations were raging, the diarrhea was from hell, and those imaginary rats that were crawling all over every inch of my body, were making me feel deathly frightened and extremely victimized.
My mind was shattered in a million tiny pieces and I just prayed to God that He would put the pieces all back.
I didn't know what to expect during detox because no one told me.
I had been a nurse for so many years but didn't know the things that addiction and drug withdrawal could do to one's mind...
one's sanity.
It's pure evil.
No matter what you think or think you know about drugs, if you're using drugs, you will eventually go through what I went through.
I survived to tell my story; most don't.
Only 5% survive.
Cancer has a much much higher survival rate.
Addiction is treated as "dirty" and "criminal", so awareness is just about non-existent.
If it wasn't for some of the reality and talk tv shows that are now on regarding addiction, no one would know and no one would tell.
It's all been kept in the darkness too long.
People...
even kids..
..
are suffering and dying every single day from all types of drug addiction,but, more from Prescription Drug Addiction than anything else.
In my despair and pain, I was told that I was expected to come to the nurse's station at designated hours.
If I didn't come, I wouldn't get any of my meds...
not even those for my high blood pressure and heart irregularities.
Many patients missed their meds on a regular basis.
There were no alarms, no wake-up help.
All there was, was one's inner clock.
I was told when and how I could do my laundry (even though I came in with just one set of ripped bloody clothes).
My dressings for my wounds were changed only once that I can recall, although I could be wrong about that...
but, don't think I am.
Although I could hardly walk (or function to any degree), I was forced to carry my food trays by myself without help, or I wouldn't be permitted to eat.
When another patient tried to help me, they would be admonished and told that I'd have to do it myself.
My belongings, in a small paper bag, were rifled through at least half a dozen times each day.
I was constantly being walked in on, by staff, while taking care of business in the bathroom.
There were no counseling sessions...
absolutely no support; only 1 meeting with a psychiatrist and several other unidentified staff members to "discuss" my detox...
at the beginning of my stay.
I only saw the psychiatrist again, the day before I was told I was going to be discharged.
I was being punished with humiliation and Nazi tactics in order to help(?) me.
I was at "Prison Boot Camp"...
all because I trusted 2 doctors in one(1) practice.
I remember nothing much else except for the part of my 2 week stay that truly mattered.
God never left me...
not even for a heartbeat.
The way He took my hand on the remote road I crawled on, bleeding and weeping in despair & fear (please see my former articles to understand), was the way we have walked together until now...
and always will.
His hand and mine have been joined ever since.
Jesus spoke to me through The Bible that one of my daughters "stole" from the hospital chapel for me.
He showed me the Scripture in 2Timothy 1:7 which says...
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of Power and of Love and of a Sound Mind".
I knew, once I read this, that my shattered mind would be given back to me by my Father who created me...
better than before.
I knew that my memory would soon return and that I would be totally healed.
My Father did what He said He would do; His promises are always fulfilled.
To avoid dragging this out any further, after 2 weeks...
despite the obstacles before me...
I made it through with a vow to God and myself that I would NEVER...
not ever...
do this again.
I made it through as a brand new woman of God with both a renewed spirit and brand new relationship with my Savior and Lord...
Messiah Jesus.
There's a song that says, "Through the darkness I found You.
"Through the darkness You found me too".
(Thank you Jesus for delivering my mind and my body from drug addiction and for delivering my soul from death.
I plead for You to use me in any and every way possible, to show others that it is only You who rescues and heals Forever, without ever having to look back upon the darkness.
Turn every eye upon You who reads this, for courage and inspiration that You will get them through as you did me.
)
back on the locked mental health floor from cardiac intensive care.
I was in cardiac icu because of all of the drugs I was placed on for 7 years by 2 doctors in one(1) practice.
Just to recap, the drugs were Oxycontin, Vicodin, Morphine, Methadone, Norco, Fentanyl Patches, Fentanyl Tablets, Ativan, Trazodone, Lyrica, and Percocet (amonst a few scattered others).
The lethal cocktail of drugs I was given cause serious cardiac arrhythmias (irregular heartbeats), dehydration, and a critical imbalance of my fluids and electroyltes.
I can remember being so very sick.
This was a "sick" unlike anything I'd ever known or could even imagine.
I didn't have my drugs for days now and the withdrawal was horrific.
The hallucinations were raging, the diarrhea was from hell, and those imaginary rats that were crawling all over every inch of my body, were making me feel deathly frightened and extremely victimized.
My mind was shattered in a million tiny pieces and I just prayed to God that He would put the pieces all back.
I didn't know what to expect during detox because no one told me.
I had been a nurse for so many years but didn't know the things that addiction and drug withdrawal could do to one's mind...
one's sanity.
It's pure evil.
No matter what you think or think you know about drugs, if you're using drugs, you will eventually go through what I went through.
I survived to tell my story; most don't.
Only 5% survive.
Cancer has a much much higher survival rate.
Addiction is treated as "dirty" and "criminal", so awareness is just about non-existent.
If it wasn't for some of the reality and talk tv shows that are now on regarding addiction, no one would know and no one would tell.
It's all been kept in the darkness too long.
People...
even kids..
..
are suffering and dying every single day from all types of drug addiction,but, more from Prescription Drug Addiction than anything else.
In my despair and pain, I was told that I was expected to come to the nurse's station at designated hours.
If I didn't come, I wouldn't get any of my meds...
not even those for my high blood pressure and heart irregularities.
Many patients missed their meds on a regular basis.
There were no alarms, no wake-up help.
All there was, was one's inner clock.
I was told when and how I could do my laundry (even though I came in with just one set of ripped bloody clothes).
My dressings for my wounds were changed only once that I can recall, although I could be wrong about that...
but, don't think I am.
Although I could hardly walk (or function to any degree), I was forced to carry my food trays by myself without help, or I wouldn't be permitted to eat.
When another patient tried to help me, they would be admonished and told that I'd have to do it myself.
My belongings, in a small paper bag, were rifled through at least half a dozen times each day.
I was constantly being walked in on, by staff, while taking care of business in the bathroom.
There were no counseling sessions...
absolutely no support; only 1 meeting with a psychiatrist and several other unidentified staff members to "discuss" my detox...
at the beginning of my stay.
I only saw the psychiatrist again, the day before I was told I was going to be discharged.
I was being punished with humiliation and Nazi tactics in order to help(?) me.
I was at "Prison Boot Camp"...
all because I trusted 2 doctors in one(1) practice.
I remember nothing much else except for the part of my 2 week stay that truly mattered.
God never left me...
not even for a heartbeat.
The way He took my hand on the remote road I crawled on, bleeding and weeping in despair & fear (please see my former articles to understand), was the way we have walked together until now...
and always will.
His hand and mine have been joined ever since.
Jesus spoke to me through The Bible that one of my daughters "stole" from the hospital chapel for me.
He showed me the Scripture in 2Timothy 1:7 which says...
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of Power and of Love and of a Sound Mind".
I knew, once I read this, that my shattered mind would be given back to me by my Father who created me...
better than before.
I knew that my memory would soon return and that I would be totally healed.
My Father did what He said He would do; His promises are always fulfilled.
To avoid dragging this out any further, after 2 weeks...
despite the obstacles before me...
I made it through with a vow to God and myself that I would NEVER...
not ever...
do this again.
I made it through as a brand new woman of God with both a renewed spirit and brand new relationship with my Savior and Lord...
Messiah Jesus.
There's a song that says, "Through the darkness I found You.
"Through the darkness You found me too".
(Thank you Jesus for delivering my mind and my body from drug addiction and for delivering my soul from death.
I plead for You to use me in any and every way possible, to show others that it is only You who rescues and heals Forever, without ever having to look back upon the darkness.
Turn every eye upon You who reads this, for courage and inspiration that You will get them through as you did me.
)
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