Updated June 08, 2015.
This story is an example of how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helped Joel to quit compulsive sex with strangers. While the characters and the story are fictitious, the characteristics and circumstances described are often seen in people who come for treatment for sex addiction. Joel’s story is presented for illustrative purposes, to help readers understand how CBT can help people quit compulsive sex. Click here to share your own CBT story.
Joel was a sex addict, who compulsively seduced then rejected strangers. Joel estimated that he has had sex with over 300 women, although he had never had sex with anyone more than once, and typically refused to see anyone after he had had sex with them, lying and giving false personal information to avoid future contact.
Andy, Joel's cognitive behavioral therapist, guided Joel in recording the thoughts and feelings he experienced before, during and after sex. By analyzing the thoughts and feelings Joel had around sex, they came to understand that Joel had become addicted to sex because of his tendency to discount all of the positive human interactions he has each day, including any he might have with sexual partners after each sexual conquest, because the feelings aren’t as intense or pleasurable as having sex with a stranger, and the powerful feelings that come with manipulating another person.
Andy explained to Joel that discounting the positive aspects of his non-sexual interactions would always lead to shallow, manipulative and unsatisfying interactions with others, particularly women.
Rather than obsessing about how to trick the next woman into bed, he could be getting to know who she is, and developing some interest in her as a person. Although to begin with, it was difficult for Joel to resist the urge to seduce women at every opportunity, he was motivated to do so because he genuinely wanted a "real" relationship.
With practice, Joel was able to overcome the urge to lie to every woman he met, and to spend more time being with others without an agenda. It became especially difficult when he met Moira about three months into therapy, a woman with whom he shared a strong mutual attraction. With Andy’s help, Joel was able to explain his problem with compulsive sexual behavior to Moira, and they agreed to start with dating and move towards establishing intimacy before having sex.
During the six months that Joel and Moira were dating, Joel found it easier to resist seducing other women, and started to enjoy the positive aspects of his interactions with them. He befriended several women at work whom he had not previously slept with. After about six months, Joel and Moira were able to establish a loving sexual relationship, which Joel was able to commit to without having sex with other women.
This story is an example of how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helped Joel to quit compulsive sex with strangers. While the characters and the story are fictitious, the characteristics and circumstances described are often seen in people who come for treatment for sex addiction. Joel’s story is presented for illustrative purposes, to help readers understand how CBT can help people quit compulsive sex. Click here to share your own CBT story.
Joel was a sex addict, who compulsively seduced then rejected strangers. Joel estimated that he has had sex with over 300 women, although he had never had sex with anyone more than once, and typically refused to see anyone after he had had sex with them, lying and giving false personal information to avoid future contact.
Andy, Joel's cognitive behavioral therapist, guided Joel in recording the thoughts and feelings he experienced before, during and after sex. By analyzing the thoughts and feelings Joel had around sex, they came to understand that Joel had become addicted to sex because of his tendency to discount all of the positive human interactions he has each day, including any he might have with sexual partners after each sexual conquest, because the feelings aren’t as intense or pleasurable as having sex with a stranger, and the powerful feelings that come with manipulating another person.
Andy explained to Joel that discounting the positive aspects of his non-sexual interactions would always lead to shallow, manipulative and unsatisfying interactions with others, particularly women.
Rather than obsessing about how to trick the next woman into bed, he could be getting to know who she is, and developing some interest in her as a person. Although to begin with, it was difficult for Joel to resist the urge to seduce women at every opportunity, he was motivated to do so because he genuinely wanted a "real" relationship.
With practice, Joel was able to overcome the urge to lie to every woman he met, and to spend more time being with others without an agenda. It became especially difficult when he met Moira about three months into therapy, a woman with whom he shared a strong mutual attraction. With Andy’s help, Joel was able to explain his problem with compulsive sexual behavior to Moira, and they agreed to start with dating and move towards establishing intimacy before having sex.
During the six months that Joel and Moira were dating, Joel found it easier to resist seducing other women, and started to enjoy the positive aspects of his interactions with them. He befriended several women at work whom he had not previously slept with. After about six months, Joel and Moira were able to establish a loving sexual relationship, which Joel was able to commit to without having sex with other women.
- Does this sound like your story? What was your experience of cognitive behavioral therapy?
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