When my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, my mother seemed to conveniently choose not to deal with it.
Don't get me wrong, she and my father lived in their own home when he was diagnosed.
She decided that she did not and would not place him in a nursing facility.
But she also refuse to accept the fact that he had a disease.
She was in denial.
So dealing with her issues was much harder than dealing with my fathers illness.
Not only did her being in denial add more stress to the whole situation, she felt that she should handle the whole thing on her own without outside help, placing a lot of the burden on us.
She did not want strangers coming into her home to help her with the care of her husband.
Since they were my parents, and raised and took great care of me, I knew that I had to help her and my father.
So, your own life, and needs go on hold.
Just trying to figure out what to do and how to do it as far as care was concerned was overwhelming.
Also making sure that they were both safe was a major concern.
My father was quickly losing mobility.
My mother could not lift him or move him.
So it was up to us.
Knowing that the state of his health was important, and soon it would be hard to get him to go to the doctor, I knew that I needed to find a physician that made house calls.
That was the best decision I ever made.
First, now there was a person available to us for any medical needs or in case of emergency.
Secondly, it made my mother slowly realize and understand Alzheimer's Disease and its progression.
It allowed her to let people in her home.
The doctor ordered a hospital bed for my father, which made things so much easier.
He also ordered a nurse to come in to ensure he was doing okay.
Any blood tests or ultra-sounds were done right in home.
He was starting to receive better care than if my mother would have placed him in a nursing facility.
He was on his way now, even in this situation living a better quality of life.
This also alleviated a lot of our worries as far as the condition he was in at all times.
But still, our lives were on hold managing his care.
My mother did not leave the house and started becoming depressed.
The whole situation at times became overwhelming.
Knowing something had to be done, after a little while I managed to talk my mother into in-home care services.
I gave her a gift certificate for in-home care for twice a week just to try.
At first, she rebelled, but finally she took advantage of it.
I took her out to lunch and shopping.
This gave her a much needed break, she was able to get out more often and maintain ties with her friends.
The caregiver also provided socialization, and my mother looked forward to her visits.
She made a new friend.
It also allowed our family to get back on track with our own lives, jobs and children.
It allowed us to spend more enjoyable, quality times with my father through this very stressful period in all of our lives.
My father used to say when life became stressful, "This too shall pass".
And, yes it did pass.
We made it through and became stronger and closer as a family.
When you are faced with any situation, taking control and starting with baby steps will lead you to resolve any issues that may arise.
Through my own personal experience I learned that sometimes families just need a plan.
They need to be supported and guided.
I truly feel for the families that are going through the same thing our family did.
I understand what families can go through on a daily basis.
You feel extremely lost and do not know who you can depend on or who you can turn to.
But, knowing what to do in a situation is the most important thing.
Knowing the decision to make and when to start making them is vital.
Knowing that not everyone needs to be placed in a nursing facility is also important.
When you pull all the right resources together, aging adults can remain in the comfort of their home.
My father did remain in his own home until he passed away.
I made sure that he received the best possible quality of care.
That was his wish.
That was my goal, to make sure his wish was fulfilled.