- 1). Seek counseling. A counselor is an individual trained to mediate differences. Marital problems are never one-sided and experienced relationship counselors are able to see both sides of the story objectively. A counseling session is a chance for each individual to share his and her points of view. The counselor sets rules that are to be followed during the counseling session. These rules create a safe space for each person to openly express feelings without any fear of judgment or consequences. Also, the counselor might utilize a number of tools like role-playing, providing feedback, working on listening and communication skills, giving instruction on effective ways to disagree, and offering strategies to help improve the couple's relationship.
- 2). Increase communication. One of the main reasons married couples fight is because of a lack of communication in the relationship. Communication is listening intently to what your partner is saying without arguing. A vital part of the communication process is being able to repeat what your partner has said to ensure that you are not misinterpreting his or her feelings. Always respect the other person's perspective. Never minimize your spouse's point of view. Most importantly, do not raise your voice during a conflict. Yelling will only shut down communication completely and cause the other person to tune out.
- 3). Break down emotional walls. When you and your spouse disagree, building an emotional wall will only make the situation worse. Walking away from the situation in the heat of the moment will only strengthen the emotional walls and further break down the communication. Stay in the moment. Engage in the discussion with your spouse calmly to keep the channels of communication open.
- 4). Don't dwell on the past. Bringing up past arguments or situations will only open old wounds and create new arguments. As you resolve conflicts, move forward, leaving the past exactly where it belongs -- in the past.
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