The Beginning Stages of Narcissistic Relationships.
The Narcissist takes, and you end up being the one who has to give and supply the Narcissist with admiration, respect and applause.
It's like being shot with a poisoned arrow, and the poison is like an addictive drug that distributes in the victim's body slowly over time.
Their dysfunction infects the victim's soul; their mind, will and emotions.
I've nicknamed Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) the 'Selfish Disorder,' in the extremes.
Even though this is not the technical term in the DSM-IV.
A lot of the characteristics of NPD is all about the Narcissist.
They are the director of the play, while you were chosen to play one of the main actors in their script.
Everyone has some Narcissism, and a little can be healthy.
This article talks about Narcissism from a pathological perspective.
You begin on an emotional high.
You might have felt like you were on top of the world when you first met.
A narcissist often comes on strong; they just seemed to 'get you.
' They wine and dine you, pursue you, lavish attention on you.
They text you, call you and even call you their soul mate or 'the one' very early on.
It often feels too good to be true.
They charm the pants off you.
They'll charm the pants off your family and friends too.
They whisk you away to expensive restaurants, surprise vacations, and seem to connect with you on a "deeper" level very early in the relationship.
They have idealized you at this stage, very early in the "budding relationship.
" If you love to drink sparkling water, guess what their beverage of choice is? If you love the color lavendar or royal blue, what a coincidence that they love it too! They are mirroring your behavior.
What's different between them and a healthy person is, a healthy person may or may not like what you like.
They appreciate your separateness, and can still connect on a healthy level with you.
A Narcissist tries to mirror you, but it is a mask worn over a very fragile child hiding underground in the adult body.
They never had the opportunity or the safeness in their family of origins to develop in a psychologically healthy way.
A healthy person doesn't feel the need to copy everything you do or like so that they can connect.
A Narcissist often does; they don't have a healthy developed sense of self so they will copy yours for the purpose of winning you and securing you as their Primary Narcissistic Supply It often feels very intoxicating, and you can't help but fall for them, if you don't realize this is often the persona of a Narcissist.
Awareness may help prevent you from becoming entangled into their web, and spare you a lot of heartache.
Otherwise, you will become one of their primary sources of Narcissistic Supply.
It's often difficult to get untangled once you've become very attached.
Narcissists are good at studying people; they've had to often survive very tumultuous upbringings that cause them to study what seems to please or win the affection of their parent(s) or caregivers.
As a result, they are good at reading people from an early age.
They might have seduced you into becoming physically and sexually intimate with them very quickly, which cements your attachment to them even more before you're able to get your bearings straight about the situation or about them.
Individuals with NPD often have very poor boundaries.
2.
Over time you start to feel devalued and drained.
Everything seemed perfect, but with time, the cracks begins to show.
The dynamics in your relationship begin to pivot and change.
It could be subtle over time, or rapid.
The 'dew is off the rose' at this point in the relationship.
What seemed like a honeymoon period starts to descend into a toxic nightmare.
They used to love that color on you, but now they're saying, "you know that color doesn't look good on you.
" Eventually, these comments turn more condescending and abusive with time: "those pants make you look bloated and fat.
" This is the point where most Narcissists finds flaws about the relationship, and in you because of their perfectionistic standards.
(No one is perfect, but in their eyes they cannot tolerate a significant other's imperfections.
) It deflates their grandiose self-image.
You are no longer serving as the perfect mirror, so they turn on you.
3.
You feel really alone in the relationship.
It's 1-sided.
Somewhere in the devaluing stage of the relationship you do feel like you are trying to carry the weight of the relationship on your shoulders alone.
Think of the Narcissist like a Vampire.
They are emotional vampires.
Such individuals can only do one thing; they get their nourishment by draining the life source out of their victims.
When they are done, they move onto another victim.
They may even start a sexual relationship with someone else while still involved with you! If they sense any life source left in you, they come back to drain you again if you let them.
This is where your boundaries are tested, or an indication you need to develop stronger boundaries.
(I'll explain how this plays out further in the article) In this case, they are draining you emotionally and mentally.
During the devaluing process, the person in a relationship with a Narcissist often experiences: criticism, different forms of abuse (blame shifting, gas lighting, sulking, childishness, controlling behaviors, isolating you from loved ones) one-up competitiveness from the Narcissist, extreme jealousy, game-playing/manipulative behavior and lying.
You feel like the rug got pulled out from under you and wonder where the charming person you first met disappeared to.
That charming person was a mirage! It was a mask to begin with that they learned to wear and perfect each time they entangle another victim in their web.
The longer a person stays in a relationship with a Narcissist, the more traumatic it can feel on your emotions to break off the relationship.
Often, it must be done cold-turkey and no contact must be maintained at all.
4.
Narcissistic supply is attention whether negative or positive that is intended to keep the false self of the narcissist intact.
Primary narcissistic supply often is assigned to primary relationships such as the significant other, then family members.
The Narcissist takes, and you end up being the one who has to give and supply the Narcissist with admiration, respect and applause.
It's like being shot with a poisoned arrow, and the poison is like an addictive drug that distributes in the victim's body slowly over time.
Their dysfunction infects the victim's soul; their mind, will and emotions.
I've nicknamed Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) the 'Selfish Disorder,' in the extremes.
Even though this is not the technical term in the DSM-IV.
A lot of the characteristics of NPD is all about the Narcissist.
They are the director of the play, while you were chosen to play one of the main actors in their script.
Everyone has some Narcissism, and a little can be healthy.
This article talks about Narcissism from a pathological perspective.
You begin on an emotional high.
You might have felt like you were on top of the world when you first met.
A narcissist often comes on strong; they just seemed to 'get you.
' They wine and dine you, pursue you, lavish attention on you.
They text you, call you and even call you their soul mate or 'the one' very early on.
It often feels too good to be true.
They charm the pants off you.
They'll charm the pants off your family and friends too.
They whisk you away to expensive restaurants, surprise vacations, and seem to connect with you on a "deeper" level very early in the relationship.
They have idealized you at this stage, very early in the "budding relationship.
" If you love to drink sparkling water, guess what their beverage of choice is? If you love the color lavendar or royal blue, what a coincidence that they love it too! They are mirroring your behavior.
What's different between them and a healthy person is, a healthy person may or may not like what you like.
They appreciate your separateness, and can still connect on a healthy level with you.
A Narcissist tries to mirror you, but it is a mask worn over a very fragile child hiding underground in the adult body.
They never had the opportunity or the safeness in their family of origins to develop in a psychologically healthy way.
A healthy person doesn't feel the need to copy everything you do or like so that they can connect.
A Narcissist often does; they don't have a healthy developed sense of self so they will copy yours for the purpose of winning you and securing you as their Primary Narcissistic Supply It often feels very intoxicating, and you can't help but fall for them, if you don't realize this is often the persona of a Narcissist.
Awareness may help prevent you from becoming entangled into their web, and spare you a lot of heartache.
Otherwise, you will become one of their primary sources of Narcissistic Supply.
It's often difficult to get untangled once you've become very attached.
Narcissists are good at studying people; they've had to often survive very tumultuous upbringings that cause them to study what seems to please or win the affection of their parent(s) or caregivers.
As a result, they are good at reading people from an early age.
They might have seduced you into becoming physically and sexually intimate with them very quickly, which cements your attachment to them even more before you're able to get your bearings straight about the situation or about them.
Individuals with NPD often have very poor boundaries.
2.
Over time you start to feel devalued and drained.
Everything seemed perfect, but with time, the cracks begins to show.
The dynamics in your relationship begin to pivot and change.
It could be subtle over time, or rapid.
The 'dew is off the rose' at this point in the relationship.
What seemed like a honeymoon period starts to descend into a toxic nightmare.
They used to love that color on you, but now they're saying, "you know that color doesn't look good on you.
" Eventually, these comments turn more condescending and abusive with time: "those pants make you look bloated and fat.
" This is the point where most Narcissists finds flaws about the relationship, and in you because of their perfectionistic standards.
(No one is perfect, but in their eyes they cannot tolerate a significant other's imperfections.
) It deflates their grandiose self-image.
You are no longer serving as the perfect mirror, so they turn on you.
3.
You feel really alone in the relationship.
It's 1-sided.
Somewhere in the devaluing stage of the relationship you do feel like you are trying to carry the weight of the relationship on your shoulders alone.
Think of the Narcissist like a Vampire.
They are emotional vampires.
Such individuals can only do one thing; they get their nourishment by draining the life source out of their victims.
When they are done, they move onto another victim.
They may even start a sexual relationship with someone else while still involved with you! If they sense any life source left in you, they come back to drain you again if you let them.
This is where your boundaries are tested, or an indication you need to develop stronger boundaries.
(I'll explain how this plays out further in the article) In this case, they are draining you emotionally and mentally.
During the devaluing process, the person in a relationship with a Narcissist often experiences: criticism, different forms of abuse (blame shifting, gas lighting, sulking, childishness, controlling behaviors, isolating you from loved ones) one-up competitiveness from the Narcissist, extreme jealousy, game-playing/manipulative behavior and lying.
You feel like the rug got pulled out from under you and wonder where the charming person you first met disappeared to.
That charming person was a mirage! It was a mask to begin with that they learned to wear and perfect each time they entangle another victim in their web.
The longer a person stays in a relationship with a Narcissist, the more traumatic it can feel on your emotions to break off the relationship.
Often, it must be done cold-turkey and no contact must be maintained at all.
4.
Narcissistic supply is attention whether negative or positive that is intended to keep the false self of the narcissist intact.
Primary narcissistic supply often is assigned to primary relationships such as the significant other, then family members.
SHARE
