The separation had smacked me in the face and I was in the middle of a train wreck.
For several days I told nobody, not even family members in the hope that my husband would return.
There was no hiding the separation from my daughter though.
I love my daughter dearly and she is a bright intuitive intellectual and very grown up little thing.
I believe as parents we should protect our children from what the world has to throw at them and when it comes to issues between husband and wife, children should be sheltered as much as possible.
Until recently I thought of my daughter as a little girl, but she has shown me that she has her own mind and can use it to evaluate situations and make decisions on her own.
In the initial stages all my daughter saw was her mum crying and struggling through every day as if it were a nightmare that I couldn't wake from.
Within days of the separation my daughter began trying to talk to me.
She could see her mum was hurting and felt helpless to do anything about it.
She was also angry that her dad had left, so for a young girl her life had also been thrown into it's own turmoil.
I looked at us and wondered how on earth we could get through this mess and was I able to be a fit mother to her at that time.
I felt I could barely drag myself through each day how was I going to be there for here when she needed me most? My very anti-social teenage daughter suddenly began to spend time with me and talk to me as if I were her friend.
She asked full on questions about mine and my husbands separation, which I answered truthfully and honestly.
When I had held it together then feel apart I went to her room and sat and cried with her.
I would ask her how to deal with it and I got very black and white answers.
Honest and pure answers.
They weren't always maybe the right thing to do or say at that time but it made me realise how complicated adults make their lives.
When posed with a question my daughter simply analysed it there and then and replied.
Yes, usually an impulsive answer but simple at the same time.
If I were asked the question - "should we involve our children in a separation/divorce?" then I think in previous situations my answer would have been a resounding NO.
Children should be protected from the trials and tribulations of adulthood as they will spend enough of their time there when they are older.
However I have also learnt that honesty and truthfulness towards the children during such a difficult period can also help them to cope.
I have benefited from my daughters insight into my relationship and she has seen that when life is hard it is perfectly acceptable to fall aprt but at some point you find inner strength which pulls you through towards a new chapter of your life.
She has seen me at my lowest, and I hope that she herself will never go through this heartache but if she now encounters this in her future I believe that she will know that no matter what life throws your way it is never the end.
My husband and I are currently still separated but for all our sakes I will fight to save our family.
I want nothing more than for us all to be reunited as a family and spend our lives enjoying and living life to the full.
It's about time we had some excitement.
Nobody knows our children better than us.
Share experiences and don't hide from them in times of trouble.
As we should be inspirational, strong and supportive to them, they in turn can surprise us with the same.
This is dedicated to my munchkin.
My beautiful girl who is truly wonderful.
I must remember this the next time she rolls her teenage eyes at me, slams the door and has a teenage tantrum.
I love you sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
For several days I told nobody, not even family members in the hope that my husband would return.
There was no hiding the separation from my daughter though.
I love my daughter dearly and she is a bright intuitive intellectual and very grown up little thing.
I believe as parents we should protect our children from what the world has to throw at them and when it comes to issues between husband and wife, children should be sheltered as much as possible.
Until recently I thought of my daughter as a little girl, but she has shown me that she has her own mind and can use it to evaluate situations and make decisions on her own.
In the initial stages all my daughter saw was her mum crying and struggling through every day as if it were a nightmare that I couldn't wake from.
Within days of the separation my daughter began trying to talk to me.
She could see her mum was hurting and felt helpless to do anything about it.
She was also angry that her dad had left, so for a young girl her life had also been thrown into it's own turmoil.
I looked at us and wondered how on earth we could get through this mess and was I able to be a fit mother to her at that time.
I felt I could barely drag myself through each day how was I going to be there for here when she needed me most? My very anti-social teenage daughter suddenly began to spend time with me and talk to me as if I were her friend.
She asked full on questions about mine and my husbands separation, which I answered truthfully and honestly.
When I had held it together then feel apart I went to her room and sat and cried with her.
I would ask her how to deal with it and I got very black and white answers.
Honest and pure answers.
They weren't always maybe the right thing to do or say at that time but it made me realise how complicated adults make their lives.
When posed with a question my daughter simply analysed it there and then and replied.
Yes, usually an impulsive answer but simple at the same time.
If I were asked the question - "should we involve our children in a separation/divorce?" then I think in previous situations my answer would have been a resounding NO.
Children should be protected from the trials and tribulations of adulthood as they will spend enough of their time there when they are older.
However I have also learnt that honesty and truthfulness towards the children during such a difficult period can also help them to cope.
I have benefited from my daughters insight into my relationship and she has seen that when life is hard it is perfectly acceptable to fall aprt but at some point you find inner strength which pulls you through towards a new chapter of your life.
She has seen me at my lowest, and I hope that she herself will never go through this heartache but if she now encounters this in her future I believe that she will know that no matter what life throws your way it is never the end.
My husband and I are currently still separated but for all our sakes I will fight to save our family.
I want nothing more than for us all to be reunited as a family and spend our lives enjoying and living life to the full.
It's about time we had some excitement.
Nobody knows our children better than us.
Share experiences and don't hide from them in times of trouble.
As we should be inspirational, strong and supportive to them, they in turn can surprise us with the same.
This is dedicated to my munchkin.
My beautiful girl who is truly wonderful.
I must remember this the next time she rolls her teenage eyes at me, slams the door and has a teenage tantrum.
I love you sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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