It can be very difficult for parents when their children are unhappy at school or find friendships difficult Parents like to feel in control, but they are not able to 'control' how other children interact with their child.
Surprisingly there are a lot of things you can do to help your child with their friendships.
So when your child comes home and says that no one would play with them in the playground.
Or when they say they have 'broken up' with their best friend, why not try some of the following ideas to help them to make and keep good friends Help your child understand friendships 1.
Talk to your child about what makes a good friend.
What do they like about their friends? What do they think they could do to be a better friend? 2.
Talk to your child about little things they could do to make it more likely that other children will play with them.
This can include smiling, or asking 'can I play?' 3.
Play the 'What If' game.
So what would you do if your friend said 'Go away I hate you'? What would you do if you were losing a game and were feeling upset? What would you do if a girl asked if she could join in your football game? Remember your role here is to help them explore helpful ways to respond, and talk to other children respectfully and assertively 4.
Teach your child how to say things assertively.
Give them an alternative to name-calling.
So when emotions are running high or they feel they have been unfairly treated teach them to fill in the gaps 'I feel...
When...
And I would like...
' 5.
Talk to children about saying sorry.
If they have done or said something offensive, they need to learn how to say sorry.
Hopefully you will have been a role-model for apologising, so children understand how and when to say sorry.
6.
Teach them the skill of under-reacting! Children in the playground can bait other children for a reaction.
Once your child gets upset or gets into an argument, they are more likely to be picked on again.
Teach them that no matter what they are feeling, they should just respond to insults with a casual 'Oh, do you think so?' Insults about close family can be especially difficult for children to ignore.
7.
Talk to your child about the difference between a friend and a 'frenemy'.
Friends help your child feel good about themselves whereas a 'frenemy' will make your child feel belittled, bad or low in confidence.
Sometimes good friendships can turn toxic, so help children understand the difference, and coach them in the skills they will need to find new friends if necessary.
TEACH them to play nicely 8.
PLAY with your child.
Play games together - board games, ball games, guessing games, computer games.
You may feel that as a parent that is not your 'job' but playing with your child helps in a number of ways 9.
Coach them in skills that they need to be a good friend (waiting their turn, sharing, being a good loser, winning graciously) If your child only ever plays with other children they won't get loving feedback about an annoying habit such as having to win or being too bossy.
10.
If there is a problem with how your child reacts when they play talk to them about it.
Be gentle but help them 'practice' the area they find difficult.
So talk about what they could do when they lose a game, and get them to practice saying 'well done', away from the emotional disappointment that they may feel when they lose a game.
Practicing helps develop the habit of being gracious when losing and makes it more likely to use the skill when they are actually in a situation where they lose a game.
11.
If your child tends to want to control how everyone plays their game help them learn the skill of allowing everyone to contribute.
Or get them to ask 'who do you want to be?' when they play a pretend game, rather than just assigning roles! Having friends round 12.
Ask your child which friends they would like to invite back to your home to play.
Children in school have many different children to play with, and your child may not be their first choice.
But when you invite a child round to play they only have one choice of play-mate, so are more likely to make an effort with your child.
13.
Talk your child through what they will be doing with their friend when they are round, and what choices of things to do that they can OFFER THEIR FRIEND.
14.
Before the play-date ask your child lots of questions about how they will treat their guest, what they will do, and how they will react if things get tricky.
15.
Make sure that you plan ahead to have plenty of choices of things to do when they have friends round.
Make the other child feel welcome.
Provide nice drinks, snacks and meals that you know the other child will enjoy 16.
Don't make the 'play date' too long.
Give the children time to have fun, but make sure it is no longer than 2 or 3 hours so that they don't have time to get bored with each-other 17.
Keep an eye on what is happening when other children are round.
If the children are playing nicely tell them 'You two are being so cooperative'.
'It's great you are both taking turns and giving each other ideas for the game' 18.
If there is an argument when another child is round, ask both children how they plan to sort it out.
What ideas can they suggest to solve the problem and how will they choose which solution to try first? Don't just leave them to argue, as things can deteriorate quickly.
Increase friendship opportunities 19.
Encourage your child to go to get involved in sports and activities that they enjoy.
Children who do a range of activities, particularly away from school, will be more likely to mix with a variety of children, whom they can choose as friends.
Once again you may need to foster these friendships by offering to have their friends round to your home 20.
Plan great birthday parties and invite all the children your child really likes.
It is only once a year, and hopefully it will earn them some return invitations to parties throughout the year