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Interview with Madame Secretaire

"Good morning Madame Secretaire d'Etat! You look tres chic!" Wrapped in a Carolina Herrera cape with a Hermé scarf and a printed silk Modelaire sheath she looked stunning.
Clearly in a sunny disposition, she smiled and said: "Bon jour, journaliste avec la conviction de l'esprit n'entraine pas toujours celle Coeur!" I immediately regretted the French words I used in greeting her.
Her French is impeccable while mine remains at the "carte du jour" level.
I was impressed by her new look; it was a marked contrast with her Security Council wardrobe of recent times.
"I am not going to ask you what you have been doing.
You have replaced the movie and jet set stars in the news.
All for the collective good, I trust" "Absolutely, darling.
These days you have to be on your toes not to miss any one of those fabulous shows in Montenapoleone, rue Saint Honoré, Paseo de Gracia, the Banhoffstrasse or Regent Street.
Besides, the new designers are a heavenly lot and are coming out with great new leather creations, silk combinations that even the Italians envy, and of course the cutest hats!" It was nice to hear Condi with a new script.
Her previous ones were tiring pronouncements probably penned by old Karl or some of the robots at the White House.
Except that this time little mention was made of the major international concerns she was supposed to be involved in.
I said so.
She looked at me with a half smile and to my great surprise reached for an elaborate teak box on her desk and pulled a thin cigarillo.
She reached for the silver plated lighter with the Halliburton logo and lit it.
"If I remember correctly you have never smoked so I do not offer these marvels to you.
They have been treated so that damage to the resp system is nil.
Are you still the quiet and peaceful chess champion you were in High School?" "More or less, but I want to know about you, Madame Secretaire" "Darling" she said in her best Lauren Bacall imitation "I was telling dear Claire of the Dior gang, you know, at the cocktail party given by Prince Abensperg von Traun in the Saint Moritz Chalet of the Iron Greek Panayiotis that the only way to solve the world' s problems is if there are more charity galas, balls, fashion shows, polo tournaments and safaris to the Matto Grosso.
So much money could be collected that half the poor countries in the world would start their own events!" "How about Iraq? North Korea? The other countries in the latest axis of evil?" "Not to worry.
Our beloved President has half the staff working on alternate strategies besides Baker and his gang.
Even Rummie, from his forced retirement submitted a set of recommendations, besides, Dick just repeated that the insurgents are in their last throes.
So, in a couple of months we will organize the Baghdad Film Festival, a Fashion Show and a great Camel Barbecue.
Whoever replaces cute John Bolton at the UN will take care of the other evil ones.
And as far as natural disasters like snowstorms, floods and hurricanes is concerned, Michael Chertoff is now drawing plans to help the poor at the next event which, according to the CIA will take place in 25 years!" Somehow, I liked the old Condie much better.
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