It's natural for grandparents to sometimes feel jealous. That doesn't mean that it's okay to act on those feelings, especially when it leads to competition between grandparents. Your grandchildren deserve to have loving relationships with all of their grandparents -- which, in this age of blended families, can be quite a few. It's by no means required, or even a good idea in some circumstances, but if you can become friends with the other grandparents, you may find that the urge to compete with them is stilled.

However, since grandparents are only human, certain scenarios are almost certain to engender grandparent envy. Here are a few of those scenarios, and some advice for coping.

Close-By Grandparents Vs. Long-Distance Grandparents

One set of grandparents is bound to live closer to the grandchildren than the others. If it's a matter of a few miles -- no big deal. However, it's a bigger deal if one set of grandparents has easy access to their grandchildren while the other set has to spend many hours (and many dollars) for the privilege. Let's face it: Facetime and Skype are wonderful for long-distance grandparents, but they can hardly live up to the real thing. 

• What to do: Sometimes grandparents will consider moving closer to their grandchildren. That's not a bad idea if they want to relocate. It may be a bad idea if getting closer is the sole purpose of the move. A frank discussion with the children is in order before any decisions are made.
• If moving is out of the question, which it will be for most, long-distance grandparents must strive to remember that the quality of contact with the grandchildren is more important than the frequency. Also, if they get extended visits in the grandchildren's home, they are getting a unique experience which the nearby grandparents probably don't have. Mostly, though, grandparents in this situation just have to accept it and make the best of it, because being eaten up with jealousy is productive for no one.

Grandparents Who Are Financially Comfortable Vs. Those Who Are Strapped

Another problematic scenario is when one set of grandparents has significantly more money than the other. The more affluent set may be able to pay for expensive trips and outings with the grandchildren, as well as spring for pricier presents. We tell ourselves that our grandchildren aren't so shallow as to prefer one set of grandparents for monetary reasons, but the more affluent set does have the chance to purchase some pretty incredible bonding experiences. And while we're at it, let's go ahead and admit that, yes, our grandchildren's heads may be turned by lavish gifts and luxury travel -- at least during certain impressionable stages.

• What to do: Sometimes financially insecure grandparents will wreck their budgets trying to compete. That, of course, is pure folly. A better plan is to concentrate on offering the grandchildren something different. Can't afford a trip to a theme park? Take the grandchildren camping instead. Can't afford expensive gifts? Give the grandchildren handmade gifts and sentimental gifts that no amount of money can buy.
• Most grandparents want their grandchildren to have solid values, to put people above things and inner assets above material goods. This is a chance for grandparents to be good role models and reinforce those values.

Maternal Grandparents Vs. Paternal Grandparents

It may not be fair, but maternal grandparents usually have an advantage over the paternal side. They are more likely to be invited into the delivery room and more likely to be asked to help out when a baby is born or when a parent is ill. Adair Lara, author of The Granny Diaries, calls the paternal grandparents the auxiliary grandparents, "kept in storage in case of need." As always, your experience may vary.

• What to do: For paternal grandmothers, patience is key. Relationships between a woman and her mother-in-law are naturally a bit fraught. The best strategy is to build your relationship slowly and gradually. Don't try to replicate the mother-daughter relationship -- those have their own problems. And try your hardest not to compete with the maternal grandmother but to bring something different to the relationship.
• Paternal grandfathers usually rank last in the hierarchy of closeness. (It goes like this: Maternal grandmother, maternal grandfather, paternal grandmother, paternal grandfather.) If you are a paternal grandfather, your best bet to overcome this disadvantage is to become a very involved grandfather. And what fun that can be!