The impact of separation and divorce on friends, neighbors, and co-workers is often ignored, but it can be very stressful for them.
This is especially true for people who count both of you as friends.
Watch for these behaviors so that you don't unintentionally jeopardize your friendships and increase the conflict of your separation or divorce: o Are you using your mutual friends as messengers to carry information back and forth between you and your ex? o Do you get angry with your friends if they seem friendlier with your ex than with you? o Do you use these friendships to maintain some kind of connection to your ex by asking questions about your ex or secretly hoping that they will tell your ex about you? Your friends don't want to be in the middle.
They don't want to walk on eggshells or worry about whether they are spending equal time with each of you.
And they definitely don't want to only talk about your ex every time you get together.
You want and need the support of your friends during the difficult time of separation and divorce.
It will help you and your friends if you draw a bright line between your relationship with your ex and your relationship with them.
If you make a conscious decision not to use your friends as contacts between you and your ex, and not to compare how much time they're spending with you and your ex, you will be able to preserve these valuable relationships.
© 2009, Mary Wollard, J.
D.
, Family Solutions Center, LLC
This is especially true for people who count both of you as friends.
Watch for these behaviors so that you don't unintentionally jeopardize your friendships and increase the conflict of your separation or divorce: o Are you using your mutual friends as messengers to carry information back and forth between you and your ex? o Do you get angry with your friends if they seem friendlier with your ex than with you? o Do you use these friendships to maintain some kind of connection to your ex by asking questions about your ex or secretly hoping that they will tell your ex about you? Your friends don't want to be in the middle.
They don't want to walk on eggshells or worry about whether they are spending equal time with each of you.
And they definitely don't want to only talk about your ex every time you get together.
You want and need the support of your friends during the difficult time of separation and divorce.
It will help you and your friends if you draw a bright line between your relationship with your ex and your relationship with them.
If you make a conscious decision not to use your friends as contacts between you and your ex, and not to compare how much time they're spending with you and your ex, you will be able to preserve these valuable relationships.
© 2009, Mary Wollard, J.
D.
, Family Solutions Center, LLC
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