Divorce is not a profitable business, unless of course one happens to be a lawyer and the clients are all wealthy.
I suppose there could be some emotional gains by one person or the other and that would be expected.
But the average man or woman is not going to realize any financial gain, in the long term, by obtaining a divorce.
Said differently, there are almost always two losers in a divorce, you and your spouse - the only winner being one or more lawyers.
That's not to say the children have won, if there are any, because they also lose.
Therefore I would conclude that there are at least two losers in a divorce and a majority of the time there are many more.
Of course no one plans to get a divorce.
It's like a woman having a baby; it's just too painful.
But also like a woman having a child, a person will marry, knowing the odds are against the marriage lasting and he or she will marry anyway.
But unlike the woman having a baby, there are no rewards for getting a divorce, only lasting pain and heartache.
Dad said, Mom told him, that if men had the children there would be only one child.
I suppose she was suggesting the pain was so great that once a man experienced the pain he would not dare go through it again.
But if the pain were the deciding factor, then why would a woman have a child.
She knows the pain will be there, excruciating pain, and still she does it - Why? If all I have said were true then why would anyone marry? The odds are against it lasting and everyone knows the pain will surely follow.
So why would a man go through the ordeal, knowing he is sure to fail? My only thoughts are that he marries for the joy of being married, not the pain of getting the divorce.
It's the same with a woman having a baby.
She doesn't have the baby for the pain.
She has the baby for the joy of producing a child and seeing the baby grow into a man or woman.
I've read where Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney, both of whom played in the 1946 movie, National Velvet, were married at least eight times.
Not to each other but to others - that's 16 marriages.
Surely those two people weren't thinking of the marriage failing while they were uttering the two simple words, I do.
That would be like feeling pain while you're making love instead of the euphoric gratification received by many of those that enjoy the practice.
Elizabeth Taylor often talked of her love life with Richard Burton, as if it were incredibly satisfying, and actually married him more than once.
Therefore a man is not the only modern species of Homo sapiens that experience satisfaction in the bedroom - women enjoy a romp in the sack as well.
Now let's return to the pain side of marriage.
That is, going through a divorce, a long drawn out affair: including wrangling over child support, alimony and various property settlements, not to mention all the emotional stress.
At one time I was raising two girls from a previous marriage, another girl from the current marriage and two children, a boy and girl from the wife's previous marriage: a classic yours, mine and ours situation.
And to make matters worse, I was paying child support on the first two girls while they lived with me and my wife was not getting a dime from her ex for their two children.
It's what I call a super sized, yours, mine and ours situation.
A preacher once told me, and my wife at the time, Sharon Marshall, "God, himself, couldn't do what you are trying to do!" But again, if that were so, then why do people keep butting their heads against the wall - trying to make it work? I suppose one could sum it up by saying, "We fall in love and marry then, and when it isn't working, we either can't or don't want to face our peers and reality to admit that we've failed.
Instead we stay the course until there is not even a tattered leaf left on a tree the psychiatrist portrays as being the individual, and there is not an ounce of strength left in the person's battered body.
Then and only then, at a time approaching suicidal mania, do we call it quits.
" During one of my trips to an Arkansas Court room, attempting to work out some of the child support problems with my first wife, Marie Frazier, I observed a woman sitting alone with the saddest look on her face, at times fighting back the tears and other times weeping softly.
She was very good looking, although not beautiful.
Her hair was brown and done up in style, her face was prettied up with rouge and lipstick and she had a nice dress on and wore a pair of black pumps.
She wiped her eyes and nose with a tissue from her purse and glanced up as I approached her.
I was curious what was going on in her life and hoped to console her if I could.
The following poem attempts to paint a picture of the woman's disappointment and hopelessness during a trial that could have taken place five years earlier.
Here's the poem.
She was sitting alone in the huge courtroom Just sat there in silence, without a sound The clientele came - each row was a maze While the docket of cases wound down She seemed to fear each name announced And bowed to weep at times What did she fear so that could make the tears flow? I wondered and sat down beside her She had waited five years, building hope upon hope That her husband would come back someday She took comfort in that no news was good news Till a letter came and took it all away Now he wanted a divorce to marry again Left her heart just pounding inside It was just as if though today was yesterday When he left without saying goodbye
I suppose there could be some emotional gains by one person or the other and that would be expected.
But the average man or woman is not going to realize any financial gain, in the long term, by obtaining a divorce.
Said differently, there are almost always two losers in a divorce, you and your spouse - the only winner being one or more lawyers.
That's not to say the children have won, if there are any, because they also lose.
Therefore I would conclude that there are at least two losers in a divorce and a majority of the time there are many more.
Of course no one plans to get a divorce.
It's like a woman having a baby; it's just too painful.
But also like a woman having a child, a person will marry, knowing the odds are against the marriage lasting and he or she will marry anyway.
But unlike the woman having a baby, there are no rewards for getting a divorce, only lasting pain and heartache.
Dad said, Mom told him, that if men had the children there would be only one child.
I suppose she was suggesting the pain was so great that once a man experienced the pain he would not dare go through it again.
But if the pain were the deciding factor, then why would a woman have a child.
She knows the pain will be there, excruciating pain, and still she does it - Why? If all I have said were true then why would anyone marry? The odds are against it lasting and everyone knows the pain will surely follow.
So why would a man go through the ordeal, knowing he is sure to fail? My only thoughts are that he marries for the joy of being married, not the pain of getting the divorce.
It's the same with a woman having a baby.
She doesn't have the baby for the pain.
She has the baby for the joy of producing a child and seeing the baby grow into a man or woman.
I've read where Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney, both of whom played in the 1946 movie, National Velvet, were married at least eight times.
Not to each other but to others - that's 16 marriages.
Surely those two people weren't thinking of the marriage failing while they were uttering the two simple words, I do.
That would be like feeling pain while you're making love instead of the euphoric gratification received by many of those that enjoy the practice.
Elizabeth Taylor often talked of her love life with Richard Burton, as if it were incredibly satisfying, and actually married him more than once.
Therefore a man is not the only modern species of Homo sapiens that experience satisfaction in the bedroom - women enjoy a romp in the sack as well.
Now let's return to the pain side of marriage.
That is, going through a divorce, a long drawn out affair: including wrangling over child support, alimony and various property settlements, not to mention all the emotional stress.
At one time I was raising two girls from a previous marriage, another girl from the current marriage and two children, a boy and girl from the wife's previous marriage: a classic yours, mine and ours situation.
And to make matters worse, I was paying child support on the first two girls while they lived with me and my wife was not getting a dime from her ex for their two children.
It's what I call a super sized, yours, mine and ours situation.
A preacher once told me, and my wife at the time, Sharon Marshall, "God, himself, couldn't do what you are trying to do!" But again, if that were so, then why do people keep butting their heads against the wall - trying to make it work? I suppose one could sum it up by saying, "We fall in love and marry then, and when it isn't working, we either can't or don't want to face our peers and reality to admit that we've failed.
Instead we stay the course until there is not even a tattered leaf left on a tree the psychiatrist portrays as being the individual, and there is not an ounce of strength left in the person's battered body.
Then and only then, at a time approaching suicidal mania, do we call it quits.
" During one of my trips to an Arkansas Court room, attempting to work out some of the child support problems with my first wife, Marie Frazier, I observed a woman sitting alone with the saddest look on her face, at times fighting back the tears and other times weeping softly.
She was very good looking, although not beautiful.
Her hair was brown and done up in style, her face was prettied up with rouge and lipstick and she had a nice dress on and wore a pair of black pumps.
She wiped her eyes and nose with a tissue from her purse and glanced up as I approached her.
I was curious what was going on in her life and hoped to console her if I could.
The following poem attempts to paint a picture of the woman's disappointment and hopelessness during a trial that could have taken place five years earlier.
Here's the poem.
She was sitting alone in the huge courtroom Just sat there in silence, without a sound The clientele came - each row was a maze While the docket of cases wound down She seemed to fear each name announced And bowed to weep at times What did she fear so that could make the tears flow? I wondered and sat down beside her She had waited five years, building hope upon hope That her husband would come back someday She took comfort in that no news was good news Till a letter came and took it all away Now he wanted a divorce to marry again Left her heart just pounding inside It was just as if though today was yesterday When he left without saying goodbye
SHARE
