Have you ever been really mad at your partner?Have you ever been mad because you feel you've explained your point of view a million times?Have you and your partner been so angry with each other that you've gone your separate ways and stopped interacting with each other?S/he never listens.
You can't believe that a person can be so insensitive.
So, you wait.
You're convinced yourself that person will come around.
S/he will finally "...
see the light.
"You think, "I'm right and s/he is wrong!" In the meantime, there's silence.
But the tension is so thick in your home, you can cut it with a knife.
You hate the distance, but there's nothing you can do about it because you're mad.
You're really mad.
You think if you get yourself involved in other things, you will feel better.
It works - but only for a little while.
You wake up the next morning only to realize there has been no improvement.
Nothing has changed and the tension is still there - and in some cases, stronger than ever! A feeling of dissatisfaction permeates everything you do.
From time to time, you ask yourself, "Is there something I should do differently?" but you quickly dismiss this thought because you know that, in your heart of hearts, you're not the one to blame.
So the distance between you and your partner persists.
Does any of this sound familiar? If you are in any type of relationship, chances are you have experienced this sort of thing.
It's more common with married couple than mere friendships.
Have you convinced yourself that, until s/he initiates making up, there will be no peace in your house? If you feel you fall into this void, I have a few suggestions to shoot your way.
You are wasting precious energy holding on to your anger.
It takes a lot of time and energy to hold onto those negative feelings.
It's exhausting to feel resentment day in and day out.
Sometimes, it feels like a full-time job.
It takes a toll on your mind, body and soul.
It's difficult to get everything online when you're concentrating on how terrible the other person is and why they won't try to resolve the issue before you do.
It's awful for your relationship.
Anger imprisons you.
It puts a hold on everything positive going on for you.
That gray cloud hangs steadfast over your head and prevents you from feeling real joy in any part of your life.
Each day you drown yourself in resentment is another day lost out of your life.
What a waste! So many people who live in quiet desperation because they are utterly convinced that their way of seeing things is right and their partner's is wrong.
They spend a lifetime trying to get their partners to share their views.
Couples tend to say, "I'll change if s/he changes.
"This is a philosophy that ultimately leads to a stalemate.
One that could seriously lead to a long and lengthy war.
The battle lines have been drawn! There are many variations of this position.
For example, "I'd be nicer to her, if she were nicer to me," or "I'd be more physical and affectionate if he were more communicative with me," or "I'd be more considerate and tell her about my plans if she wouldn't hound me all the time about what I do.
" You feel like you know the script yet?"I'll be different if you start being different first.
" As I have learned from experience...
this can be a very, very long wait.
I have learned there is a much better way to look at things when you and your partner get stuck in a rut.
The most interesting thing I have learned is relationships are sorta like chain reactions.
If one person changes, the other one does too.
It really doesn't matter who starts first.
It's simply a matter of tipping over the first domino.
Change is reciprocal.
When one partner changes, the other partner changes too.
It's a law of relationships.
To the guys I say, "Swallow that pride...
take that pair that you are proud of and place them on the shelf...
man up and let those magic words go with sheer genuinity:"I'm sorry.
""Those words go so far.
If you aren't getting what you need or want from your loved one, instead of trying to convince him or her to change, why not change your approach to the situation? Why not be more pragmatic? If what you're doing (talking to your partner about the error of his/her ways) hasn't been working, no matter how sterling your logic, you're not going to get very far.
Be more flexible and creative.
Be more strategic.
Spend more time trying to figure out what might work as opposed to being hell bent on driving your point home.
You might be pleasantly surprised.
Remember, insanity has been defined as doing the same old thing over and over and expecting different results.
Look, life is short.
We only have one go-around.
Make your relationship the best it can possibly be.
Stop waiting for your partner to change in order for things to be better.
When you decide to change first, it will be the beginning of a solution avalanche.
Try it, you'll like it!