Updated June 10, 2015.
Question: Will Getting Pregnant Again Make Me Feel Better About My Miscarriage?
Many women (and their partners) are afraid to try for a new pregnancy after a miscarriage and need a long time in order to feel ready. Others jump right back into trying to conceive as soon as their periods return. Who is right?
Answer:
Really, there is no right or wrong answer about when to try to get pregnant again. Assuming you have discussed your health situation with your doctor, it is okay to either go ahead and try again or to wait until you feel ready.
As for the question of when you will feel better about the miscarriage, that is also quite dependent on the person. Some women feel better and reassured when they are pregnant again, but others find subsequent pregnancy after a loss to be anything but reassuring. It is quite common to experience anxiety, stress about prenatal tests or passing specific milestones, and difficulty attaching to the new baby throughout pregnancy (fearing that the baby could be taken away). It's possible that you might have these feelings regardless of whether your loss was an early miscarriage or a full-term loss/stillbirth.
The good news is the same research has shown that anxiety tends to decrease after giving birth. Yet, researchers have not adequately studied how people adjust to parenting after a miscarriage. There's some limited evidence that some may experience long-term psychological impact from a miscarriage that can manifest as overprotectiveness of the new baby, although it's hard to make any general statements.
Everyone is different.
Bottom Line: There is no specific time when you should expect to feel better about the miscarriage. You might feel relieved when you're pregnant again, past the time when your loss happened, or after you give birth. Or you might not. It is hard to say whether you will ever feel "over" it, but time should help and the grief should gradually feel less overwhelming even if it never vanishes. Give yourself space to go through the grieving process, and in terms of when to get pregnant again, decide together with your partner on what timing feels right for you.
Meanwhile, keep an eye out for signs that you might be developing clinical depression or anxiety and stress disorders, all of which are common after a miscarriage, and see a therapist if you feel that you need professional help working through your feelings about the loss (and don't be ashamed if the answer to this question is yes -- it is perfectly okay and normal to need help coping with a major loss).
Sources:
Armstrong, Deborah S., "Impact of Prior Perinatal Loss on Subsequent Pregnancies." Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, & Neonatal Nursing 9 Mar 2006. Accessed 21 Oct 2008.
Côté-Arsenault, Denise, and Dianne Morrison-Beedy, "Women's Voices Reflecting Changed Expectations for Pregnancy after Perinatal Loss." Journal of Nursing Scholarship Apr 2004. Accessed 21 Oct 2008.
Cote-Arsenault, Denise, "Threat Appraisal, Coping, and Emotions Across Pregnancy Subsequent to Perinatal Loss." Nursing Research March 2007. Accessed 21 Oct 2008.
Lam, Elizabeth H., " The Impact of Previous Perinatal Loss on Subsequent Pregnancy and Parenting." Journal of Perinatal Education 2002. Accessed 21 Oct 2008.
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