Actual church bulletin bloopers: "Next Sunday is Easter and Mrs.
Anderson will come forward and lay an egg on the altar" "Tonight's sermon: WHAT IS HELL? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
" "The sermon this morning: JESUS WALKS ON WATER The sermon tonight: SEARCHING FOR JESUS" "The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8:30 p.
m.
Please use the back door.
" "The sermon this morning: CONTEMPERARY ISSUES # 3...
EUTHANASIA The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE" "CHURCH RUMMAGE SALE.
A good opportunity to get rid of anything not worth keeping but too good to throw away.
Don't forget your husband.
" "Due to the Pastor's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be discontinued until further notice.
" "Bertha Belch, missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church.
Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
" "The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict.
" "Peter Matthews, in memory of his wife...
is donating a loud-speaker to the church.
" "Don't let worry kill you...
let the church help.
" "Weight Watchers will meet at 7:30 p.
m.
at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
" "The associate Pastor unveiled the Church's new Tithing Campaign slogan last Sunday: "I UPPED MY PLEDGE...
UP YOURS.
" "Remember our Pastor in prayer.
He was on his way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when his universal joint gave way, causing him to have an accident.
" "Our Church Book Store announces their Semi-Annual After-Christmas Sale.
" "Please help our young people with their Flea Market.
They are starting from scratch.
" "Benjamin Benson and Jessica Carter were married on October 24 in the Church Sanctuary.
Thus ends a friendship that began in their school years.
" Laughing Yet? Hopefully you are laughing by now.
But just in case: Did you hear about the guy at the fancy banquet and while he was eating he bit into something hard and broke his dental plate.
The man beside him reached into his pocket and pulled out a dental plate for the guy to try.
He put it in his mouth...
pulled it out and said, "This is too big.
" The man pulls another one out of his pocket...
The man tries it and says, "This is too small.
" The man pulled a third dental plate out of his pocket.
The guy tried it and it fit! "Imagine that" the guy said, "I broke my dental plate while sitting right here beside a Dentist" the man replied, "I am an Undertaker.
" One More Attempt! If you really want to have fun walk into an Antique Shop and asks, "What's new?" Benefits of laughter Proverbs 17:22 says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
" I find it funny when new scientific studies prove what the Bible has said for many, many years and people call it a new discovery.
We now know, because of scientific studies, that there are health benefits to laughter.
Some hospitals have actually started using laughter therapy.
Among other things, laughter lowers blood pressure and strengthens your immune system.
Zig Ziglar has this to say about laughter: "Laughter is low calorie, caffeine free, no salt, no preservatives or additives, 100% natural, and one size fits all.
It is contagious, never committed a crime, started a war, or broke up a relationship, it cost nothing and is non-taxable.
The Sad News About Laughter Here is the sad news about laughter: The average four year old laughs about 400 times a day.
The average adult laughs only 15 to 16 times a day.
Maybe that is one of the reasons Jesus said, "Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
" (Matthew 18:3 NIV) Take a few extra laughs today.
It will make everybody a little happier.
Anderson will come forward and lay an egg on the altar" "Tonight's sermon: WHAT IS HELL? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
" "The sermon this morning: JESUS WALKS ON WATER The sermon tonight: SEARCHING FOR JESUS" "The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8:30 p.
m.
Please use the back door.
" "The sermon this morning: CONTEMPERARY ISSUES # 3...
EUTHANASIA The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE" "CHURCH RUMMAGE SALE.
A good opportunity to get rid of anything not worth keeping but too good to throw away.
Don't forget your husband.
" "Due to the Pastor's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be discontinued until further notice.
" "Bertha Belch, missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church.
Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
" "The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict.
" "Peter Matthews, in memory of his wife...
is donating a loud-speaker to the church.
" "Don't let worry kill you...
let the church help.
" "Weight Watchers will meet at 7:30 p.
m.
at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
" "The associate Pastor unveiled the Church's new Tithing Campaign slogan last Sunday: "I UPPED MY PLEDGE...
UP YOURS.
" "Remember our Pastor in prayer.
He was on his way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when his universal joint gave way, causing him to have an accident.
" "Our Church Book Store announces their Semi-Annual After-Christmas Sale.
" "Please help our young people with their Flea Market.
They are starting from scratch.
" "Benjamin Benson and Jessica Carter were married on October 24 in the Church Sanctuary.
Thus ends a friendship that began in their school years.
" Laughing Yet? Hopefully you are laughing by now.
But just in case: Did you hear about the guy at the fancy banquet and while he was eating he bit into something hard and broke his dental plate.
The man beside him reached into his pocket and pulled out a dental plate for the guy to try.
He put it in his mouth...
pulled it out and said, "This is too big.
" The man pulls another one out of his pocket...
The man tries it and says, "This is too small.
" The man pulled a third dental plate out of his pocket.
The guy tried it and it fit! "Imagine that" the guy said, "I broke my dental plate while sitting right here beside a Dentist" the man replied, "I am an Undertaker.
" One More Attempt! If you really want to have fun walk into an Antique Shop and asks, "What's new?" Benefits of laughter Proverbs 17:22 says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
" I find it funny when new scientific studies prove what the Bible has said for many, many years and people call it a new discovery.
We now know, because of scientific studies, that there are health benefits to laughter.
Some hospitals have actually started using laughter therapy.
Among other things, laughter lowers blood pressure and strengthens your immune system.
Zig Ziglar has this to say about laughter: "Laughter is low calorie, caffeine free, no salt, no preservatives or additives, 100% natural, and one size fits all.
It is contagious, never committed a crime, started a war, or broke up a relationship, it cost nothing and is non-taxable.
The Sad News About Laughter Here is the sad news about laughter: The average four year old laughs about 400 times a day.
The average adult laughs only 15 to 16 times a day.
Maybe that is one of the reasons Jesus said, "Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
" (Matthew 18:3 NIV) Take a few extra laughs today.
It will make everybody a little happier.
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