Making Friends Using the Liki-O-Meter In high school being popular was a primary drive for our actions and words.
Boys would do the craziest things to garner the attention of fair maidens.
Fair maidens would reciprocate using their wiles to attract the attention of the boys.
As adults, not much has changed.
Instead of seeking the attention of the opposite sex for dating, we seek the attention of people in general just to feel good.
We want to be liked.
We want friends.
The hiccup is using the same process of getting attention and gaining more friends you used in high school.
Statistically speaking, using the like-o-meter as a method of seeking friendship is the least productive system.
It ranks with a 3 out of 100 Let's question the accepted.
Here is the accepted: Getting someone to like you is a way to have more friends.
If this is not the most productive method, what is? Making Friends Using a Different Process What happens when you try to get someone to like you? Have you ever witnessed someone going to great lengths to get your attention? Have you ever worked hard to get the attention of someone you like? How did it work for you? Can you recall watching any of your friends making fools out of themselves trying to capture the attention and affection of another person? What if there was a better way that has statistical backing? In fact, you can test it for yourself to determine if it works.
Here is the first step: For the next 24 hours, promise yourself you won't offer one unsolicited opinion to anybody regardless of the temptation to let loose.
This means, unless you are specifically requested, do not offer your opinion in any situation.
I know this sounds harsh, but it's only 24 hours until you get the next step.
Are you willing to try something different? How much does connecting with others at home, at work, and at play, mean to you? Step 1 - No unsolicited opinions for 24 hours.
See you tomorrow.
Become Aware of the Process of Making Friends How did you do? Most people report how difficult and exhausting it was to listen without offering an opinion.
If you earnestly tried to keep your mouth quiet, you will have noticed how much everyone around you constantly gives their opinions without solicitation.
How did that make you feel? Do you like hearing everyone's opinion without asking for it? How do you think others feel when you give them your opinions when they haven't asked for them? You may be thinking, "But what I have to say is right or important.
" How many dads and moms are there in this world whose children have gone off the deep end because the parent was right? How effective is being right if the person to whom you are pontificating doesn't want to hear what you have to say? Can you picture the dad telling his little girl not to date that bum? "He's no good for you" he says.
"He's nothing but trouble and you'll regret seeing him.
" A few months later daddy's little girl is pregnant and addicted to crack.
Was the dad right? Yep! Did it matter? What's missing between dad and daughter? Is it love? No.
It's trust and respect.
Consider how that applies to making friends.
How about to parenting? In business? Deepening the Process If you have diligently tried to withhold your opinions for the past few days, you are ready for a new challenge.
For the next week set a goal to learn up to three things from each person with whom you converse.
Here are three suggestions to discover:
If you give them your undivided attention, 95 percent of those you speak with, will reciprocate your kindness with straight forward answers.
They will actually feel compelled to answer you.
You will intuitively know how you feel about them.
Give it a try.
Boys would do the craziest things to garner the attention of fair maidens.
Fair maidens would reciprocate using their wiles to attract the attention of the boys.
As adults, not much has changed.
Instead of seeking the attention of the opposite sex for dating, we seek the attention of people in general just to feel good.
We want to be liked.
We want friends.
The hiccup is using the same process of getting attention and gaining more friends you used in high school.
Statistically speaking, using the like-o-meter as a method of seeking friendship is the least productive system.
It ranks with a 3 out of 100 Let's question the accepted.
Here is the accepted: Getting someone to like you is a way to have more friends.
If this is not the most productive method, what is? Making Friends Using a Different Process What happens when you try to get someone to like you? Have you ever witnessed someone going to great lengths to get your attention? Have you ever worked hard to get the attention of someone you like? How did it work for you? Can you recall watching any of your friends making fools out of themselves trying to capture the attention and affection of another person? What if there was a better way that has statistical backing? In fact, you can test it for yourself to determine if it works.
Here is the first step: For the next 24 hours, promise yourself you won't offer one unsolicited opinion to anybody regardless of the temptation to let loose.
This means, unless you are specifically requested, do not offer your opinion in any situation.
I know this sounds harsh, but it's only 24 hours until you get the next step.
Are you willing to try something different? How much does connecting with others at home, at work, and at play, mean to you? Step 1 - No unsolicited opinions for 24 hours.
See you tomorrow.
Become Aware of the Process of Making Friends How did you do? Most people report how difficult and exhausting it was to listen without offering an opinion.
If you earnestly tried to keep your mouth quiet, you will have noticed how much everyone around you constantly gives their opinions without solicitation.
How did that make you feel? Do you like hearing everyone's opinion without asking for it? How do you think others feel when you give them your opinions when they haven't asked for them? You may be thinking, "But what I have to say is right or important.
" How many dads and moms are there in this world whose children have gone off the deep end because the parent was right? How effective is being right if the person to whom you are pontificating doesn't want to hear what you have to say? Can you picture the dad telling his little girl not to date that bum? "He's no good for you" he says.
"He's nothing but trouble and you'll regret seeing him.
" A few months later daddy's little girl is pregnant and addicted to crack.
Was the dad right? Yep! Did it matter? What's missing between dad and daughter? Is it love? No.
It's trust and respect.
Consider how that applies to making friends.
How about to parenting? In business? Deepening the Process If you have diligently tried to withhold your opinions for the past few days, you are ready for a new challenge.
For the next week set a goal to learn up to three things from each person with whom you converse.
Here are three suggestions to discover:
- What is their ideal job?
- What prevents them from getting it?
- When did they first realize what they wanted to do/become?
- Where do they get their strongest support?
- What is their favorite hobby?
- If they could only focus on one character trait to improve, what would it be?
If you give them your undivided attention, 95 percent of those you speak with, will reciprocate your kindness with straight forward answers.
They will actually feel compelled to answer you.
You will intuitively know how you feel about them.
Give it a try.
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