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I remember an experience many years ago with our children. We were on vacation, had driven most of the day and were tired and hungry. We pulled into a restaurant that looked good and family-friendly and unloaded the gang. The restaurant was only about one-third full but we were the only ones with children in the whole place. My wife and I wondered if this was such a good idea, but the food smelled good, the kids were ready to eat and the environment was pleasant.

Much to our surprise, our children were very well behaved. They were quiet, polite and happy. I'm not sure what caused them to rise to the occasion, but as we ate, several older couples came by the table to compliment the kids on their behavior. I know that we had worked hard to teach our children respectful, behavior and good manners, but they were seldom all such good kids at the same time.

In Richard Greenberg's book Raising Children That Other People Like to Be Around, he offers insights, ideas and advice on how to raise children that are pleasant, happy and well rounded. Raising kids who behave consistently like ours did at the vacation restaurant can be the end result of parenting that follows Greenberg's model.

The SMART Principles

In Raising Children That Other People Like to Be Around, Richard Greenberg offers a formula of five important elements that will help parents create a family environment that enhances good behavior. The formula follows the acronym "SMART."

First, Greenberg suggests that parents Set an Example.

Walking our talk is important for parents if they are going to gain and keep the respect of their children. We can teach and exemplify resilience, prioritizing and rational thinking.

Next, Raising Children That Other People Like to Be Around recommends that parents Make the Rules. Rules in a family promote predictability, consistency and comfort for children. While parents and children can and should work together to set and embrace family rules, parents set the tone and drive the discussion. Rules need to be based on shared values; if so, they are much easier to remember and to follow.

Third, Greenberg suggests that parents Apply the Rules. Having rules is great, but living by them in the family circle is even more important to happy and well-adjusted kids. He reminds us as parents that it is easier to set more stringent rules and then to loosen them as children show personal responsibility than it is to create looser rules and make them tougher when behaving by the rules is hard.

The next step in the formula is to Respect Yourself. Teaching children to respect themselves, their elders and others is critical in this parenting effort. We can teach our children to see the needs in people around them and be sensitive to those needs. Participating in service opportunities is a good way to help children learn respect for self and others. Insisting on and practicing honesty in a family is another good tool in building a sense of respect.

Finally, Greenberg suggests that parents Teach in All Things. Consistently looking for teaching moments is an important role for parents. Making sure that children participate with you in doing the things you do teach them skills, self-reliance and self-esteem. Creating routines in a family can also help children learn and perform in acceptable ways. And learning to communicate effectively and to handle conflict in positive ways also build life skills that will pay dividends for many years to come.

The Book's Style

Raising Children That Other People Like to Be Around is written in an engaging style and is full of personal experiences and anecdotes from Greenberg's own family that illustrate his points and reinforce the SMART formula. He offers specific guidelines that with a little effort can be implemented in any family. The counsel he offers to fathers and mothers is based on specific values that can apply to every family - values like common sense, respect, loyalty and pride.

The Bottom Line

Raising Children That Other People Like to Be Around is one of my new favorite parenting books. With 35 years of marriage and having raised four successful children, Richard Greenberg knows whereof he speaks. His common sense, values-based approach to parenting will resonate with any committed father. I know that I will be a better father and grandfather by having read and thought about Raising Children That Other People Like to Be Around. It is a great book for every dad to read, refer to and recommend to others.



Disclosure: A review copy was provided by the publisher. For more information, please see our Ethics Policy.