The way he pronounced my name with his island accent aroused me.
His body was sculpted like an African warrior and I swear his buttocks should have been framed and titled one of the natural beauties of the world.
He was gorgeous, sweet and warm; and I wanted him all to myself.
I was mesmerized by the twinkle in his eyes and I allowed myself to be taken.
Over time my attempts to capture him, beganto deplete the substance of our friendship.
I became disenchanted with him because he would not mold himself to be who or what I wanted him to be.
I was blinded by my own desires and his charm lost its sparkle until everything we shared began to flicker away.
I became acquainted with him one cold October day, while giving him a ride home from class.
We sat inside my car and listened to the rain beat rhythmically on the roof to Isaac Hayes' "I Stand Accused.
"He took my hand and looked directly in my eyes and said, "What if I told you that I was in love with you.
What would you do?" His presence was toxic for me and I began breathing deeply, unable to answer, unknowingly at the time, his hypothetical question.
None-the-less, I followed him inside of his small, cramped, untidy apartment and we talked about love, life and God.
He was a complete gentleman and he never violated my space or body.
I instinctively trusted him.
During our study rendezvous, he often talked about the poverty in his home land and his four babies by his high school sweet heart.
He said that he felt guilty and blessed at the same time for having the opportunity to obtain a doctorate abroad when he should have been laboriously working to put food on the table for his children.
Overcome with sadness he talked about the letters from his "girl" back home that were filled with misspelled words and broken English.
"I must make my own back stronger before I can carry anyone, you know," he would say with his native accent.
I admired his strength and gentleness and wanted to make his life easier my inviting him into my world.
I anticipated his phone calls and homemade afternoon lunches that he prepared for us.
He made me laugh and just knowing him made my life richer.
Although we had never made love, when we were together we could feel the dense sexual energy between us.
As we studied, cheek to cheek, our lips would lightly touch and I could feel his warm, minty breath on my face and neck.
We shamelessly flirted with fate.
He made it clear to me that he was passionately attracted to me, but was not looking for a commitment and did not want to soil our friendship.
"I value you so much as a whole person.
I would rather have you in my life at any level than not at all, so let's not tempt the gods," he would whisper in my ear.
I found it increasingly difficult to study while wondering what his kisses tasted like and what his body felt like.
I wanted all of him.
I couldn't help it.
So I prepared myself to re-establish the boundaries and capture him.
I knew his weaknesses and I exploited each one by pretending to cover the cleavage that was left for him to see; moving ever so slowly like a jungle cat in my tightest fitting jeans; and tantalizing him with his favorite scent that filled the air each time I moved.
I knew my assets and his liabilities and felt him struggle to resist my feminine charms.
I led him to my kisses.
We found ourselves unclad and unsure of where our relationship was headed.
Right before the defining moment, he kissed my face and was surprised to find it wet with tears.
Is this what you want?, he inquired breathing heavily.
I told him that what we were doing did not feel right to me because we were creating an unhealthy relationship without the proper understanding and expectations.
I realized at that moment that I had not been true to him because I snared him without his permission.
Beguiled by my seemingly innocence, he considered it an unplanned moment and apologized for taking advantage of my trust.
I corrected him and told him all the reasons why I wanted him, but knew in my heart that he could never belong to me the way I needed a man.
We agreed to remain friends and to never again allow ourselves to socialize in closed quarters.
My, children, love fire flies and would chase them endlessly in the late summer.
They both enjoy catching them in jars with holes in the lids and keep them as pets, even giving them names.
My son always cry the next day because the fire flies no longer light up and slowly die.
While comforting my son, I told him that sometimes the best way to enjoy and have something in life is by letting it be itself, because when we capture it, it loses the essence of what it is.
To truly catch the fire fly, you must to let it go freely and it will never fail to light up for you each summer.
It has to live in its own world so that you can appreciate its beauty.
I learned this lesson from my relationship with my friend because by setting him free, I was able to keep him in my life.
Now when I see him on occasion, his light still flickers and I savior it from afar.
His body was sculpted like an African warrior and I swear his buttocks should have been framed and titled one of the natural beauties of the world.
He was gorgeous, sweet and warm; and I wanted him all to myself.
I was mesmerized by the twinkle in his eyes and I allowed myself to be taken.
Over time my attempts to capture him, beganto deplete the substance of our friendship.
I became disenchanted with him because he would not mold himself to be who or what I wanted him to be.
I was blinded by my own desires and his charm lost its sparkle until everything we shared began to flicker away.
I became acquainted with him one cold October day, while giving him a ride home from class.
We sat inside my car and listened to the rain beat rhythmically on the roof to Isaac Hayes' "I Stand Accused.
"He took my hand and looked directly in my eyes and said, "What if I told you that I was in love with you.
What would you do?" His presence was toxic for me and I began breathing deeply, unable to answer, unknowingly at the time, his hypothetical question.
None-the-less, I followed him inside of his small, cramped, untidy apartment and we talked about love, life and God.
He was a complete gentleman and he never violated my space or body.
I instinctively trusted him.
During our study rendezvous, he often talked about the poverty in his home land and his four babies by his high school sweet heart.
He said that he felt guilty and blessed at the same time for having the opportunity to obtain a doctorate abroad when he should have been laboriously working to put food on the table for his children.
Overcome with sadness he talked about the letters from his "girl" back home that were filled with misspelled words and broken English.
"I must make my own back stronger before I can carry anyone, you know," he would say with his native accent.
I admired his strength and gentleness and wanted to make his life easier my inviting him into my world.
I anticipated his phone calls and homemade afternoon lunches that he prepared for us.
He made me laugh and just knowing him made my life richer.
Although we had never made love, when we were together we could feel the dense sexual energy between us.
As we studied, cheek to cheek, our lips would lightly touch and I could feel his warm, minty breath on my face and neck.
We shamelessly flirted with fate.
He made it clear to me that he was passionately attracted to me, but was not looking for a commitment and did not want to soil our friendship.
"I value you so much as a whole person.
I would rather have you in my life at any level than not at all, so let's not tempt the gods," he would whisper in my ear.
I found it increasingly difficult to study while wondering what his kisses tasted like and what his body felt like.
I wanted all of him.
I couldn't help it.
So I prepared myself to re-establish the boundaries and capture him.
I knew his weaknesses and I exploited each one by pretending to cover the cleavage that was left for him to see; moving ever so slowly like a jungle cat in my tightest fitting jeans; and tantalizing him with his favorite scent that filled the air each time I moved.
I knew my assets and his liabilities and felt him struggle to resist my feminine charms.
I led him to my kisses.
We found ourselves unclad and unsure of where our relationship was headed.
Right before the defining moment, he kissed my face and was surprised to find it wet with tears.
Is this what you want?, he inquired breathing heavily.
I told him that what we were doing did not feel right to me because we were creating an unhealthy relationship without the proper understanding and expectations.
I realized at that moment that I had not been true to him because I snared him without his permission.
Beguiled by my seemingly innocence, he considered it an unplanned moment and apologized for taking advantage of my trust.
I corrected him and told him all the reasons why I wanted him, but knew in my heart that he could never belong to me the way I needed a man.
We agreed to remain friends and to never again allow ourselves to socialize in closed quarters.
My, children, love fire flies and would chase them endlessly in the late summer.
They both enjoy catching them in jars with holes in the lids and keep them as pets, even giving them names.
My son always cry the next day because the fire flies no longer light up and slowly die.
While comforting my son, I told him that sometimes the best way to enjoy and have something in life is by letting it be itself, because when we capture it, it loses the essence of what it is.
To truly catch the fire fly, you must to let it go freely and it will never fail to light up for you each summer.
It has to live in its own world so that you can appreciate its beauty.
I learned this lesson from my relationship with my friend because by setting him free, I was able to keep him in my life.
Now when I see him on occasion, his light still flickers and I savior it from afar.
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