Your marriage is in a rut and you're terrified it's heading for a divorce. You'll be happy to know that your current marital position isn't irreversible. However, it's essential that you take steps to rebuild the foundation of your crumbling marriage. Here are five of the best marriage self help tips to help you succeed in saving your relationship.
1. Be upfront with your concerns
Be honest with your partner that you're afraid your marriage is heading down the wrong path. It's possible that he or she may not be aware that your marriage is in trouble. Or, it's also possible that your spouse has lost so much hope or interest that they have chosen to just let the marriage continue to deteriorate until divorce was inevitable. By expressing your concerns, you're forcing your partner to deal with the matter rather than letting the problems linger and grow.
2. Express your desire to make positive changes
It is one thing to tell your spouse that you think your marriage is in trouble. It's another to tell them that you sincerely want to save your marriage and that you're willing to do whatever is necessary to make positive changes. Ask him or her to agree to work with you to change the direction of your marriage's decline and move it on to a happier and more positive path.
If your spouse seems reluctant to make changes, then you must begin the process of change yourself. Remember, you can't force someone to change, but if you make improvements in your own attitudes and behaviors, the other person has to take notice. It may not happen overnight, but they will become aware of the changes you have made. Soon, your improved outlook will encourage him or her to join you along this marriage self help journey.
3. Take an honest look at yourself
Just as it takes two people to make a marriage, it takes two people to cause the marriage to fall apart. Be honest with yourself about the part you may have played in letting your marriage wither. Were you indifferent? Demanding? Emotionally blocked? Uncommunicative? Did you take your spouse for granted? Whatever you did or didn't do to hurt your relationship, it's important that you own up to it. While there's little point in berating yourself about your possible shortcomings, if you're honest with yourself you can move forward and make whatever changes are necessary to improve who you are as a person and as a marriage partner.
4. Make a plan and stick to it
Set aside time each day to emotionally check in with each other or discuss an identified problem. Don't try to deal with all of your issues at once. Just choose one or two of the most damaging dilemmas and work on them until they're resolved and then move on to the next set of problems.
But don't let your problems be your only focus. Make a weekly date away from your home or your children and enjoy romantically and emotionally reconnecting. (Remember babysitters cost less than divorce attorneys.) Figure out ways to do something special for each other at least once a day or even every few days. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. It can be something as simple as volunteering to run an errand, letting your spouse sleep in while you take care of the kids or finishing some neglected chores.
Whatever you do, it's essential to design a plan to save your marriage and stick to it.
5. Be realistic
Your marriage didn't fall apart overnight. Don't expect it to get better overnight either. But if you keep working to improve your relationship you soon should start seeing signs that your marriage has made a turn for the better. The changes may be subtle at first, but there will be improvement. You may find that you're communicating better, fighting less or that each of you are acting more like spouses and less like housemates. Be positive and act as if everything is going to work out. Show, don't tell, the other person that you're serious about making your marriage a more loving and rewarding relationship for you both. Work on your marriage self help program as if you were getting a paycheck to do it. Remember, the rewards of having a successful, happy marriage are worth so much more than money.
1. Be upfront with your concerns
Be honest with your partner that you're afraid your marriage is heading down the wrong path. It's possible that he or she may not be aware that your marriage is in trouble. Or, it's also possible that your spouse has lost so much hope or interest that they have chosen to just let the marriage continue to deteriorate until divorce was inevitable. By expressing your concerns, you're forcing your partner to deal with the matter rather than letting the problems linger and grow.
2. Express your desire to make positive changes
It is one thing to tell your spouse that you think your marriage is in trouble. It's another to tell them that you sincerely want to save your marriage and that you're willing to do whatever is necessary to make positive changes. Ask him or her to agree to work with you to change the direction of your marriage's decline and move it on to a happier and more positive path.
If your spouse seems reluctant to make changes, then you must begin the process of change yourself. Remember, you can't force someone to change, but if you make improvements in your own attitudes and behaviors, the other person has to take notice. It may not happen overnight, but they will become aware of the changes you have made. Soon, your improved outlook will encourage him or her to join you along this marriage self help journey.
3. Take an honest look at yourself
Just as it takes two people to make a marriage, it takes two people to cause the marriage to fall apart. Be honest with yourself about the part you may have played in letting your marriage wither. Were you indifferent? Demanding? Emotionally blocked? Uncommunicative? Did you take your spouse for granted? Whatever you did or didn't do to hurt your relationship, it's important that you own up to it. While there's little point in berating yourself about your possible shortcomings, if you're honest with yourself you can move forward and make whatever changes are necessary to improve who you are as a person and as a marriage partner.
4. Make a plan and stick to it
Set aside time each day to emotionally check in with each other or discuss an identified problem. Don't try to deal with all of your issues at once. Just choose one or two of the most damaging dilemmas and work on them until they're resolved and then move on to the next set of problems.
But don't let your problems be your only focus. Make a weekly date away from your home or your children and enjoy romantically and emotionally reconnecting. (Remember babysitters cost less than divorce attorneys.) Figure out ways to do something special for each other at least once a day or even every few days. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. It can be something as simple as volunteering to run an errand, letting your spouse sleep in while you take care of the kids or finishing some neglected chores.
Whatever you do, it's essential to design a plan to save your marriage and stick to it.
5. Be realistic
Your marriage didn't fall apart overnight. Don't expect it to get better overnight either. But if you keep working to improve your relationship you soon should start seeing signs that your marriage has made a turn for the better. The changes may be subtle at first, but there will be improvement. You may find that you're communicating better, fighting less or that each of you are acting more like spouses and less like housemates. Be positive and act as if everything is going to work out. Show, don't tell, the other person that you're serious about making your marriage a more loving and rewarding relationship for you both. Work on your marriage self help program as if you were getting a paycheck to do it. Remember, the rewards of having a successful, happy marriage are worth so much more than money.
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