By its very nature, divorce is inevitably ugly, especially when its intrusion upon our lives becomes unbearable.
Its effects are felt by not only the spouses and the children but everyone from relatives to friends.
The heartbreak and emotional suffering caused by divorce extends to long-term friends who feel caught in the middle as well as to in-laws who are unsure which side to take.
Awkward situations also present themselves when both of the spouses have to meet with loved ones at the same time.
Because emotions tend to run high during a divorce, it tends to bring out the worst in the spouses involved.
Because each spouse sees him- or herself as the victim, they blame the other for the marriage's failure.
If the couple lacks an amicable relationship, they also tend to be punitive rather than strategic when filing for motion and petitions in divorce court.
The primary goal becomes to punish the other for causing pain and trouble.
When this happens, couples could even use the children as pawns during divorce proceedings.
Furthermore, often in retaliation for court events, the animosity between couples could escalate to moments of literal violence as they attack each other physically.
Experts agree that when children witness their parents argue over who will care for them, who will decide things - as if the children are not there, they become traumatized.
Even when parents are not together - if they disparage each other while the children are listening, this still sends a negative message to children.
As a result, children often engage in "parentized" behavior wherein they try to act like the parents and see themselves as the key to making peace in their family.
Both of these actions rob the children of their childhoods and scar them.
In their adult life, some children may have problems in developing and maintaining relationships while others may grow up scared of commitments because they are afraid to experience what their parents experienced.
Because of all these reasons, a "healthy divorce is always a better alternative to an "ugly" divorce.
This means that spouses will have to exert effort in maintaining a civil relationship with each other rather than only pretending to be friends in front of the children.
An honest and open dialog minimizes misunderstandings that lead to anger and resentment.
Spouses who communicate openly and civilly are often surprised when they get to the bottom line of what both of them really want of each other.
A healthy divorce safeguards the mental and emotional wellbeing of the children and the spouses involved.
Not to mention, it is also a faster and less expensive process.
Its effects are felt by not only the spouses and the children but everyone from relatives to friends.
The heartbreak and emotional suffering caused by divorce extends to long-term friends who feel caught in the middle as well as to in-laws who are unsure which side to take.
Awkward situations also present themselves when both of the spouses have to meet with loved ones at the same time.
Because emotions tend to run high during a divorce, it tends to bring out the worst in the spouses involved.
Because each spouse sees him- or herself as the victim, they blame the other for the marriage's failure.
If the couple lacks an amicable relationship, they also tend to be punitive rather than strategic when filing for motion and petitions in divorce court.
The primary goal becomes to punish the other for causing pain and trouble.
When this happens, couples could even use the children as pawns during divorce proceedings.
Furthermore, often in retaliation for court events, the animosity between couples could escalate to moments of literal violence as they attack each other physically.
Experts agree that when children witness their parents argue over who will care for them, who will decide things - as if the children are not there, they become traumatized.
Even when parents are not together - if they disparage each other while the children are listening, this still sends a negative message to children.
As a result, children often engage in "parentized" behavior wherein they try to act like the parents and see themselves as the key to making peace in their family.
Both of these actions rob the children of their childhoods and scar them.
In their adult life, some children may have problems in developing and maintaining relationships while others may grow up scared of commitments because they are afraid to experience what their parents experienced.
Because of all these reasons, a "healthy divorce is always a better alternative to an "ugly" divorce.
This means that spouses will have to exert effort in maintaining a civil relationship with each other rather than only pretending to be friends in front of the children.
An honest and open dialog minimizes misunderstandings that lead to anger and resentment.
Spouses who communicate openly and civilly are often surprised when they get to the bottom line of what both of them really want of each other.
A healthy divorce safeguards the mental and emotional wellbeing of the children and the spouses involved.
Not to mention, it is also a faster and less expensive process.
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