To respond to this question, there is more than meets the eye…
A typical scenario, your child is constantly rude to you; he yells at you to demand for a candy and disobeys your rules. Is this simply an issue of disobedience or defiance?
In fact, there are a lot of underlying reasons between a mere disobedience and a defiant child. Are they similar in nature and if not, how do tell the difference?
One school of thought states that children who are disobedient have many reasons to misbehave for their actions. Where else, a defiant child is different and has a sole purpose and his sole purpose is to challenge your authority no matter at what cost.
Their objective is to downplay your authority and in the end you seem to feel you are not in charge anymore. So to win the battle on wits on who is the "boss" around the house, common discipline does not work anymore.
Have you ever wonder why is he misbehaving so badly? Your relationship with your child suffers. You thought you may know your kid's character well and after all, you were the one who brought him since young.
But sometimes it is good to find out the fundamental or the root of the problem before a decisive discipline action is being carried out. Understanding our children is vital as it is not unusual that a defiant child has severe emotional, medical or psychological issues that are causing his behavior.
To name a few, deep scars from emotional hurt, yearning for attention, fretfulness, depression, peer rejection, cosmetic images image, sibling rivalry, or even the perception of defiance is perceived to be absolutely cool and acceptable! Your child may even have a condition called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Learning disability like dyslexia and hearing impairment are all areas of concern to look at.
As a matter of fact, children because of their cognitive abilities, they do not have the capacity to express themselves. Thus, this poses a challenge for parents to even interpret their feelings and take appropriate actions than the usual disciplinary act.
But not all is lost; there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some guidelines that might be useful:
• Always be objective when dealing with your defiant child. Focus on the behavior not on your child himself! Keep calm when the yelling is going on. Your composure will be your strength and you will be able to think and act rationally.
• Communicating is important to establish what went wrong. Exercise patience and help him to express his emotions and discontentment. This will also aid you to understand him better at whatever struggles he may have.
• Show your unconditional love to your child openly and verbally. Constantly praise him when he has listen to your instructions and thank him for the job well done. This will make him feel accepted and encourage him to mimic your actions.
• Open up to other parents in your neighborhood. I am sure there are other parents have similar situations like you and could give you sound advice.
• If you think that you should seek professional help, please do so and do not wait till the end when damage is done way too much for you to comprehend and handle.
Do not lose heart or be discouraged and be assured you are not alone. Parents go through a phase of challenges with their children and you are doing well when you are providing the best solutions available.
A typical scenario, your child is constantly rude to you; he yells at you to demand for a candy and disobeys your rules. Is this simply an issue of disobedience or defiance?
In fact, there are a lot of underlying reasons between a mere disobedience and a defiant child. Are they similar in nature and if not, how do tell the difference?
One school of thought states that children who are disobedient have many reasons to misbehave for their actions. Where else, a defiant child is different and has a sole purpose and his sole purpose is to challenge your authority no matter at what cost.
Their objective is to downplay your authority and in the end you seem to feel you are not in charge anymore. So to win the battle on wits on who is the "boss" around the house, common discipline does not work anymore.
Have you ever wonder why is he misbehaving so badly? Your relationship with your child suffers. You thought you may know your kid's character well and after all, you were the one who brought him since young.
But sometimes it is good to find out the fundamental or the root of the problem before a decisive discipline action is being carried out. Understanding our children is vital as it is not unusual that a defiant child has severe emotional, medical or psychological issues that are causing his behavior.
To name a few, deep scars from emotional hurt, yearning for attention, fretfulness, depression, peer rejection, cosmetic images image, sibling rivalry, or even the perception of defiance is perceived to be absolutely cool and acceptable! Your child may even have a condition called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Learning disability like dyslexia and hearing impairment are all areas of concern to look at.
As a matter of fact, children because of their cognitive abilities, they do not have the capacity to express themselves. Thus, this poses a challenge for parents to even interpret their feelings and take appropriate actions than the usual disciplinary act.
But not all is lost; there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some guidelines that might be useful:
• Always be objective when dealing with your defiant child. Focus on the behavior not on your child himself! Keep calm when the yelling is going on. Your composure will be your strength and you will be able to think and act rationally.
• Communicating is important to establish what went wrong. Exercise patience and help him to express his emotions and discontentment. This will also aid you to understand him better at whatever struggles he may have.
• Show your unconditional love to your child openly and verbally. Constantly praise him when he has listen to your instructions and thank him for the job well done. This will make him feel accepted and encourage him to mimic your actions.
• Open up to other parents in your neighborhood. I am sure there are other parents have similar situations like you and could give you sound advice.
• If you think that you should seek professional help, please do so and do not wait till the end when damage is done way too much for you to comprehend and handle.
Do not lose heart or be discouraged and be assured you are not alone. Parents go through a phase of challenges with their children and you are doing well when you are providing the best solutions available.
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