Up until December 11th 1976 life was pretty normal for an adolescent growing up in Northwestern New Mexico.
Three older brothers and an intact family with both parents, church on Sundays, large family gatherings, weddings, graduations, Little League Baseball, mom working the concessions at all the games for my brothers and I, and dad working as the best barber in town.
My brothers and I never really lacked for anything, except for perhaps a new house.
The one we lived in was very old, the roof leaked and it was pink in color.
That was probably the most troubling part of my childhood.
I mean come on-a typical male adolescent living in an old pink house? The teasing from friends was common.
By all indication every aspect of life seemed to be pretty normal.
At least that is what I thought.
By the way, dad was also an entrepreneur building a liquor business which became an instant success, and unfortunately as time would tell; also his demise.
You see, dad died on December 11th 1976.
I didn't realize this at my young age but dad was an alcoholic most of his life and the successful liquor business all but sealed his fate as a work-a-holic, an alcoholic, and his ultimate death at age 44.
The "pretty normal" life that I described above was not as normal as I thought.
As I reflect on the two to three years prior to my dad's death, the "old pink house" was not the most troubling part of my life, it was the least.
As I recall around 1973 dad began focusing all of his efforts on running the liquor store and was working 18 hours a day and probably drinking as much.
Dad's health deteriorated quickly, doctors said he had emphysema due to inhaling hair particles from cutting hair as a barber.
The long work hours, drinking and four and a half packs of cigarettes a day didn't help.
Doctors told me to ask him to take me to Disneyland, he needed a vacation.
I can remember one morning mom and I begging him not to go to work, lots of tears and chaos and him saying "f_ _ _ the family I'm going to make a million dollars so you don't have to work as hard as I do".
The door slammed shut as mom and I continued to cry.
From that day on my behavior changed and I was on a self destructive path much like my dad.
I wont go into detail here but I found myself bragging about smoking my first joint at age nine.
My friends, cousins and I were drinking, doing drugs, fighting, bullying "nerds" and chasing girls.
Older friends, older cousins, and in some cases even my older brothers were influencing me.
I was being fed the lie that it was "cool" to be part of the "in crowd", and that crowd seemed to be all around me.
This behavior continued for the next three years, then my dad died.
Thank God for my mothers strength, resilience and foresight.
She took the insurance money from my dad's life insurance policy, demolished the "old pink house" and had a new house built on the other side of town.
We moved there and began a new life for the better and it was there that my life began to turn around.
I made new friends and became serious about baseball.
I still had my old friends and fortunately we all seemed to mature a bit in high school and kept our partying and bullying under control, if there was such a thing.
There was something different about me now.
I at least had something else to focus on other that my dad's death and being the tough, cool guy; and that was baseball.
During our junior year my old friends and I seemed to backslide on our newly found maturity in high school.
You see, we planned to crash the senior party and score big with all the girls.
The plan was to break into a liquor store in the wee hours of the morning and take cases of whiskey to the senior party the next day.
Surely we would gain the favor of the girls with all of our bounty.
The scheme went on as planned, but without me.
After lots of ridicule and verbal abuse from the others I backed out.
Deep down I was scared, I new it was foolish, plus I was never really good with the girls anyway, hard liquor or not.
There was something else that kept me from participating.
You see, I was getting pretty good at baseball and due to some influence form one of my coaches I actually began to believe that I could become a professional baseball player, or at least play college ball.
I made a decision that day that had a profound effect on my life.
I backed out because of fear and some positive influence from a coach and a dream.
I knew I had some talent and I wanted to do something with my life.
Somehow I new breaking into a liquor store wasn't for me.
My friends got caught breaking into the store and their lives were profoundly effected as well.
Back then I knew I was onto something, but not sure what.
A seed was planted in my head.
Perhaps it was my loving, strong, and resilient mother, my baseball coach, my brothers, or even my father, I'm not sure but I knew that I had to be responsible for myself and for my decisions.
During my senior year I took responsibility and made good decisions.
I became one of the best high school pitchers in the state of New Mexico destined to receive a scholarship to play college ball.
Well I didn't get a scholarship because of local politics and coaches playing favorites, but I remained responsible for my attitude.
Then came high school graduation.
On May 22nd 1982 I walked across the stage and received my diploma.
As I opened up the diploma jacket to see it there was a thin strip of paper with a note stating that I would not receive my diploma until I turn in the stirrups/leggings from my baseball uniform.
The coach who played favorites, and whom in my opinion was responsible for me not getting a scholarship said that he forgot to update my file when I turned in my complete uniform.
He looked at me and said that he would have my diploma mailed to me.
It took everything inside me and an assistant coach to control my urge to attack this coach.
Once again, and when it would have had major consequences I chose to be responsible.
Here is how I did it: Small success number one - I had some talent as an athlete and began to believe in myself.
Small success number two - I learned how to make new friends, that led to my third small success at high school baseball.
That led to increased confidence and self-esteem which led to the ability to overcome negative peer pressure and small success number four which was self control.
That led to the ability to overcome the urge to lash out when I felt I was cheated out of an opportunity for a scholarship and my diploma on graduation day.
I capitalized on each one of these small successes and through each adversity I took responsibility and made the most of what I had.
I am 46 years old now and and after many years of working with adolescents and teenagers I see exactly how I overcame all the obstacles and succeeded through a very turbulent time.
The ironic thing about it is, that what I did as a teenager is exactly what I learned many years later at a leadership training from a man by the name of M B (Flip) Flippen who is the founder of a program called Teen Leadership.
One of the things Flip taught me is that we, especially leaders are responsible for three things no matter what.
They are our thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions.
That is it, that is the bottom line.
I believe this is the foundation for my success and for anyone who embraces this concept.
Warning: it takes sincere internal reflection, we'll talk more about that later.
Anyway Flip has personally coached many famous athletes on constraint theory, held corporate trainings for large companies around the world, his programs were spotlighted on the 2008 Super Bowl pregame show, has a book called the Flip Side, and positively affected thousands of lives including mine.
If your ever in College Station Texas and or get the chance to meet him, shake his hand firmly and look him in the eye when you introduce yourself.
He would like that.
Personal responsibility is leadership people, you don't teach leadership you model it and by doing so you help guide your charges towards making the right decisions and having that "aha" moment within themselves which is true learning.
Until next time- Blessings.
Three older brothers and an intact family with both parents, church on Sundays, large family gatherings, weddings, graduations, Little League Baseball, mom working the concessions at all the games for my brothers and I, and dad working as the best barber in town.
My brothers and I never really lacked for anything, except for perhaps a new house.
The one we lived in was very old, the roof leaked and it was pink in color.
That was probably the most troubling part of my childhood.
I mean come on-a typical male adolescent living in an old pink house? The teasing from friends was common.
By all indication every aspect of life seemed to be pretty normal.
At least that is what I thought.
By the way, dad was also an entrepreneur building a liquor business which became an instant success, and unfortunately as time would tell; also his demise.
You see, dad died on December 11th 1976.
I didn't realize this at my young age but dad was an alcoholic most of his life and the successful liquor business all but sealed his fate as a work-a-holic, an alcoholic, and his ultimate death at age 44.
The "pretty normal" life that I described above was not as normal as I thought.
As I reflect on the two to three years prior to my dad's death, the "old pink house" was not the most troubling part of my life, it was the least.
As I recall around 1973 dad began focusing all of his efforts on running the liquor store and was working 18 hours a day and probably drinking as much.
Dad's health deteriorated quickly, doctors said he had emphysema due to inhaling hair particles from cutting hair as a barber.
The long work hours, drinking and four and a half packs of cigarettes a day didn't help.
Doctors told me to ask him to take me to Disneyland, he needed a vacation.
I can remember one morning mom and I begging him not to go to work, lots of tears and chaos and him saying "f_ _ _ the family I'm going to make a million dollars so you don't have to work as hard as I do".
The door slammed shut as mom and I continued to cry.
From that day on my behavior changed and I was on a self destructive path much like my dad.
I wont go into detail here but I found myself bragging about smoking my first joint at age nine.
My friends, cousins and I were drinking, doing drugs, fighting, bullying "nerds" and chasing girls.
Older friends, older cousins, and in some cases even my older brothers were influencing me.
I was being fed the lie that it was "cool" to be part of the "in crowd", and that crowd seemed to be all around me.
This behavior continued for the next three years, then my dad died.
Thank God for my mothers strength, resilience and foresight.
She took the insurance money from my dad's life insurance policy, demolished the "old pink house" and had a new house built on the other side of town.
We moved there and began a new life for the better and it was there that my life began to turn around.
I made new friends and became serious about baseball.
I still had my old friends and fortunately we all seemed to mature a bit in high school and kept our partying and bullying under control, if there was such a thing.
There was something different about me now.
I at least had something else to focus on other that my dad's death and being the tough, cool guy; and that was baseball.
During our junior year my old friends and I seemed to backslide on our newly found maturity in high school.
You see, we planned to crash the senior party and score big with all the girls.
The plan was to break into a liquor store in the wee hours of the morning and take cases of whiskey to the senior party the next day.
Surely we would gain the favor of the girls with all of our bounty.
The scheme went on as planned, but without me.
After lots of ridicule and verbal abuse from the others I backed out.
Deep down I was scared, I new it was foolish, plus I was never really good with the girls anyway, hard liquor or not.
There was something else that kept me from participating.
You see, I was getting pretty good at baseball and due to some influence form one of my coaches I actually began to believe that I could become a professional baseball player, or at least play college ball.
I made a decision that day that had a profound effect on my life.
I backed out because of fear and some positive influence from a coach and a dream.
I knew I had some talent and I wanted to do something with my life.
Somehow I new breaking into a liquor store wasn't for me.
My friends got caught breaking into the store and their lives were profoundly effected as well.
Back then I knew I was onto something, but not sure what.
A seed was planted in my head.
Perhaps it was my loving, strong, and resilient mother, my baseball coach, my brothers, or even my father, I'm not sure but I knew that I had to be responsible for myself and for my decisions.
During my senior year I took responsibility and made good decisions.
I became one of the best high school pitchers in the state of New Mexico destined to receive a scholarship to play college ball.
Well I didn't get a scholarship because of local politics and coaches playing favorites, but I remained responsible for my attitude.
Then came high school graduation.
On May 22nd 1982 I walked across the stage and received my diploma.
As I opened up the diploma jacket to see it there was a thin strip of paper with a note stating that I would not receive my diploma until I turn in the stirrups/leggings from my baseball uniform.
The coach who played favorites, and whom in my opinion was responsible for me not getting a scholarship said that he forgot to update my file when I turned in my complete uniform.
He looked at me and said that he would have my diploma mailed to me.
It took everything inside me and an assistant coach to control my urge to attack this coach.
Once again, and when it would have had major consequences I chose to be responsible.
Here is how I did it: Small success number one - I had some talent as an athlete and began to believe in myself.
Small success number two - I learned how to make new friends, that led to my third small success at high school baseball.
That led to increased confidence and self-esteem which led to the ability to overcome negative peer pressure and small success number four which was self control.
That led to the ability to overcome the urge to lash out when I felt I was cheated out of an opportunity for a scholarship and my diploma on graduation day.
I capitalized on each one of these small successes and through each adversity I took responsibility and made the most of what I had.
I am 46 years old now and and after many years of working with adolescents and teenagers I see exactly how I overcame all the obstacles and succeeded through a very turbulent time.
The ironic thing about it is, that what I did as a teenager is exactly what I learned many years later at a leadership training from a man by the name of M B (Flip) Flippen who is the founder of a program called Teen Leadership.
One of the things Flip taught me is that we, especially leaders are responsible for three things no matter what.
They are our thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions.
That is it, that is the bottom line.
I believe this is the foundation for my success and for anyone who embraces this concept.
Warning: it takes sincere internal reflection, we'll talk more about that later.
Anyway Flip has personally coached many famous athletes on constraint theory, held corporate trainings for large companies around the world, his programs were spotlighted on the 2008 Super Bowl pregame show, has a book called the Flip Side, and positively affected thousands of lives including mine.
If your ever in College Station Texas and or get the chance to meet him, shake his hand firmly and look him in the eye when you introduce yourself.
He would like that.
Personal responsibility is leadership people, you don't teach leadership you model it and by doing so you help guide your charges towards making the right decisions and having that "aha" moment within themselves which is true learning.
Until next time- Blessings.
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