One of my pet peeves is being around a parent who cannot control their child.
You know the ones I'm talking about.
They tell their kids to behave, over and over again.
They tell them how much trouble they are in and get no response.
They threaten, scold, yell and finally give up and let the child continue with their awful behavior.
That annoys me to no end.
I wonder how a parent can have that little control over a child.
On the other hand, I take a dim view of the parents that control their kids with fear.
You know, the military style.
You do what I say, when I say it, or it's the belt.
No, that's not me, I can't stand physical punishment.
I just don't think it's quality parenting.
For some it's all they know, but maybe there's a better way.
In my mind, truly good parents, parent with an equal amount of love and knowledge.
I'm sure most parents love their kids but how many have gone to school and learned how to be good parents? Not that many.
Parenting is one of the most important jobs you will ever do, why not get the education to do it right? I can't begin to teach you how to be great parents in one short article, but I can tell you how to discipline your children with the perfect combination of love and knowledge.
The method is one that I call "ask - tell - promise.
" It's simple, yet effective, if you use it every time, and if you follow through every time.
You ask your child to stop doing an inappropriate behavior, hopefully they understand you mean business and stop.
If they continue the behavior you then tell them to stop.
This should be all you ever have to do, because as they get the hang of this, they will not want you to promise them.
The last step, the promise, is simply removing the child from the room and explaining to them exactly what will happen if this goes any farther.
Here's how the thing works for me.
It's Easter at grandmas and my five year old decides she does not want to play well with others.
I tell her to share with the other kids, and most of the time she would.
This time she refuses and continues her selfish ways.
I now have to tell her to share.
As I said before, my kids did not want me to promise them, so when I tell her I am serious, this does the trick.
Telling a child to do something is why we give them middle names.
"Stephanie Lynn, you will share, now.
" We all have our ways, it might only be a look, but they know what you mean, and they know you are serious.
The promise is the part you need to learn, and learn well.
It has to be done right to be effective.
By being effective, I mean, they have to not want to go there again.
I feel it is humiliating and degrading to a child to discipline them in front of their piers or other family members.
I will always take my child out of the room, in private, to do my promising.
With a child you simply move them to a private location and have a little talk.
You get down to their level, eye ball to eye ball.
You hold their little hands on to the sides of the face, so they are looking right at you.
You then explain to them exactly what will happen if this behavior continues.
Parents, you need to think before you promise.
Take a deep breath, calm down, or whatever.
This is not done out of anger, it is done out of love.
You cannot be mad at your kid, you can't want to strange them.
This is an act of love, and yes, sometimes love is tough love.
Make the promise unique, and appropriate for the offense.
It could be "if this continues we are leaving immediately.
" Think about it before you say it.
Are you willing to leave immediately? Or are you just hoping this works so you don't have to? If you are not willing to leave, don't say it.
Instead you could tell the child they will be spending the next thirty minutes in time out, in grandmas bedroom.
Or you could tell them that any gifts they have received will need to be returned.
You get the idea, this is not the time to tell them you are going to kill them, or ground them for life.
Put some thought into something that you actually will do.
You just might have to a time or two.
Once they know you mean business, it won't happen very often.
If you have been doing any homework at all, in regards to parenting, my next comment will be nothing but common sense.
If not, listen up.
Start your promise with something like "you are a very good girl and I love you very much, it's just you behavior that's bad, not you.
" Parenting with love and knowledge means turning discipline into a self-esteem building activity.
I hope you all take the time to become great parents.
Do your homework, we are not born to be parents anymore than we are born to be doctors.
It takes education to get it right.