Local community building requires understanding of the FIRO model of inclusion, control and openness and understanding of community formation.
Inclusion
The need for inclusion is our need to be with others and our need for social contact. We like to feel that others accept and value us, and we want to feel like a full partner in a relationship. Our need for inclusion is our need to belong, to be included in the activities of others and to have positive human contact. Some of us have a stronger need for inclusion than others, but even loners need some interaction with others. Studies have shown that people can experience mental and physical distress when their need for inclusion is not met. Inclusion has to do with the varying degrees to which we all need to establish and maintain a feeling of mutual interest with other people—a sense that we can take an interest in others and that others can take an interest in us. We want others to pay attention to us, to take the time to understand us. Wanting to be included is normal. We all remember how it feels to be left out—to be the last person to be asked to join the team, to not be invited to an important party, or to be ignored during a mealtime conversation. When our need for inclusion is met, we tend to feel worthwhile and fulfilled. If it goes unmet, we tend to feel lonely, and our health may even suffer.
Loneliness is the all too common affliction of our age. Research reveals, for example, that men 50 years and older who have no close friends or relatives are three times as likely to die after suffering high levels of emotional stress than are persons whose lives are less lonely (Time, Dec. 20, 1993, p. 15). Loneliness begins with the recognition that the relationships we have are not the kinds we would like to have. The need for inclusion shows the need for desired and achieved social relationships.
Need for Control
We all have a need for control, which is our motivation to maintain some degree of influence in our relationships. As infants, we relied almost completely on our caregivers to make decisions for us. As we grow up, however, we need to play a more decisive role in determining the course of our relationships. In many relationships, people share control, so that each person has some say in what happens. We are often less satisfied in relationships when we feel we have no control. The need for control is our need to feel that we are capable and responsible, and that we are able to deal with and manage our environment. We also like to feel we can influence others.
Control deals with our need to establish and maintain satisfactory levels of influence and power in our relationships. To varying degrees, we need to feel that we can take charge of a situation; whereas at other times we need to feel comfortable assuming a more submissive role. When our control need goes unmet, we may conclude that others do not respect or value our abilities, and we are viewed as incapable of making sound decisions or directing others or our own future. Just as we are dissatisfied with having too little control, we can also feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of having too much control. Allowing others to exert influence over us is an interdependent nature of personal relationships. We are often most satisfied, therefore, with a moderate amount of control.
Openness
We wrestle with tensions between disclosure and silence or concealment. For many, openness is intolerable to contemplate. While we want to share our inner selves with people we care about, there are times when we do not feel like sharing and desire the preservation of privacy instead. Desiring privacy some of the time does not mean a relationship is on the rocks. We have a desire for openness and closeness. We go through periods of disclosing and periods of withholding. During every state of our relationship, our desires for openness and privacy can fluctuate. A constructive communication climate is composed of two general elements: a pattern of openness, or a willingness to communicate and a pattern of supportiveness or a confirmation of the worth and value of others to be successful. Each partner in a relationship needs to disclose private information to the other in order to facilitate a perception of involvement and deep understanding. Inclusion, control and openness are vital in understanding satisfaction, and they influence community development and formation as a process thus increasing awareness of local community building.
Inclusion
The need for inclusion is our need to be with others and our need for social contact. We like to feel that others accept and value us, and we want to feel like a full partner in a relationship. Our need for inclusion is our need to belong, to be included in the activities of others and to have positive human contact. Some of us have a stronger need for inclusion than others, but even loners need some interaction with others. Studies have shown that people can experience mental and physical distress when their need for inclusion is not met. Inclusion has to do with the varying degrees to which we all need to establish and maintain a feeling of mutual interest with other people—a sense that we can take an interest in others and that others can take an interest in us. We want others to pay attention to us, to take the time to understand us. Wanting to be included is normal. We all remember how it feels to be left out—to be the last person to be asked to join the team, to not be invited to an important party, or to be ignored during a mealtime conversation. When our need for inclusion is met, we tend to feel worthwhile and fulfilled. If it goes unmet, we tend to feel lonely, and our health may even suffer.
Loneliness is the all too common affliction of our age. Research reveals, for example, that men 50 years and older who have no close friends or relatives are three times as likely to die after suffering high levels of emotional stress than are persons whose lives are less lonely (Time, Dec. 20, 1993, p. 15). Loneliness begins with the recognition that the relationships we have are not the kinds we would like to have. The need for inclusion shows the need for desired and achieved social relationships.
Need for Control
We all have a need for control, which is our motivation to maintain some degree of influence in our relationships. As infants, we relied almost completely on our caregivers to make decisions for us. As we grow up, however, we need to play a more decisive role in determining the course of our relationships. In many relationships, people share control, so that each person has some say in what happens. We are often less satisfied in relationships when we feel we have no control. The need for control is our need to feel that we are capable and responsible, and that we are able to deal with and manage our environment. We also like to feel we can influence others.
Control deals with our need to establish and maintain satisfactory levels of influence and power in our relationships. To varying degrees, we need to feel that we can take charge of a situation; whereas at other times we need to feel comfortable assuming a more submissive role. When our control need goes unmet, we may conclude that others do not respect or value our abilities, and we are viewed as incapable of making sound decisions or directing others or our own future. Just as we are dissatisfied with having too little control, we can also feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of having too much control. Allowing others to exert influence over us is an interdependent nature of personal relationships. We are often most satisfied, therefore, with a moderate amount of control.
Openness
We wrestle with tensions between disclosure and silence or concealment. For many, openness is intolerable to contemplate. While we want to share our inner selves with people we care about, there are times when we do not feel like sharing and desire the preservation of privacy instead. Desiring privacy some of the time does not mean a relationship is on the rocks. We have a desire for openness and closeness. We go through periods of disclosing and periods of withholding. During every state of our relationship, our desires for openness and privacy can fluctuate. A constructive communication climate is composed of two general elements: a pattern of openness, or a willingness to communicate and a pattern of supportiveness or a confirmation of the worth and value of others to be successful. Each partner in a relationship needs to disclose private information to the other in order to facilitate a perception of involvement and deep understanding. Inclusion, control and openness are vital in understanding satisfaction, and they influence community development and formation as a process thus increasing awareness of local community building.
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