Parenting, in many regards, is difficult. It requires work, persistence, and patience. The very word parenthood is synonymous with challenges, frustrations, and responsibility. However, parents everywhere will also collectively agree that parenthood is also the source of the greatest joy, satisfaction, happiness that life has to offer. All the work, responsibility, and even challenges are worth every effort and sacrifice. In fact, perhaps the reason why we experience so much happiness through parenthood is because we develop the most important attribute of life – that of unselfishness. Ironic that we actually find our lives through the losing of them!
Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to have two incredible parents – a father and mother who loved me, cared for me, taught me, disciplined me, and truly epitomized what successful parenthood is all about. While they were not perfect (although close), they did certain things that I feel every parent would benefit from knowing, and especially emulating. Below are listed several things they did on a consistent basis that have made all the difference in mine and my siblings lives; as well as now the lives of my own children as I seek to implement what they taught and exemplified. (Only 15 are listed in this article; however, to view the other 15, please see part 2 in the Parenthood article series):
1) Power of Example: First and foremost, they lived what they taught! My siblings and I learned how to work hard, serve others, be disciplined, show respect, and act kindly not so much because it was expected of us, but because it was emulated in everything my parents did and were.
2) They Made Mistakes … and Changed: There never has been a perfect pair of parents, and everyone certainly makes mistakes. However, I noticed growing up that when my parents did make mistakes, they learned from them, apologized, and then most importantly - changed.
3) Children Always Came First: There was absolutely no question in my mind growing up that my siblings and I were the highest priority to my parents. I can not recall ever feeling that their careers, hobbies, friends, or entertainment was more important than family, or making time for and raising their children. We spent a lot of time as a family, and just as significantly, my parents made regular time to just have one-on-one time with each child.
4) Limited Electronic Drugs: Although as a child I may not have thanked my parents, I certainly thank them now for being extremely proactive in monitoring the shows, entertainment, and time I spent watching TV, movies, video games, or computer time. In fact, often was the case that we as a family would just spend the night together playing games rather than letting the TV or computer entertain or babysit us kids.
5) My Mother Stayed Home: I was extremely fortunate to have a mother who chose and was able to stay at home and be a mom. I recognize, however, that many other families do not have this great privilege, for a variety of reasons (often uncontrollable life circumstances that force a mother to have to work). Now, my siblings and I certainly did not have all the latest toys, clothes, cars, or vacations growing up – but we each would collectively agree that having a mother in the home to be a mom was perhaps the greatest difference, influence, and blessing in our lives.
6) We Occasionally Went Without: As mentioned in the point above, my siblings and I often went without. We of course had everything we ‘needed,’ but we certainly were not given everything we ‘wanted.’ This was in part because of our financial situation. And yet, even when my father got into a position to be able to buy us children what we ‘wanted,’ thankfully, he still chose to occasionally allow us to go without. He did this of course not to deprive us, but to teach us to appreciate what we had, work for what we ‘wanted,’ and develop attributes such as sacrifice, patience, sharing, and unselfishness. Simply put – we were not spoiled in any sense of the word!
7) We Had to Work: Every day my siblings and I had a chore – anything from making our bed, to sweeping the floor, vacuuming, taking the garbage out, to doing dishes. Also, I remember every Saturday morning, our entire family would go out into the yard to do yard work together. Let’s be honest – what kid enjoys doing this stuff? But, as with everything, my siblings and I look back with gratitude that my parents taught us the importance of work.
8) Fun Family Time … Often: The last two points would make it seem that my siblings and I were deprived children who were worked to death. Quite the contrary! We had a ton of fun together as a family growing up. My childhood is filled with wonderful memories of countless family nights of just playing games, drives up the canyon together, BBQ’s in the back yard, yearly vacations, weekend outings, camp-outs on the trampoline outside, and very frequent family nights. As already mentioned, my parents made their children their top priority, and thankfully rather than having the TV be our only entertainment (and babysitter), we often just spent the nights together playing games, laughing, talking, and having fun.
9) My Father Loved My Mother: Never once do I remember my father yelling at my mother. There was always sincere and appropriate affection shown to her verbally, emotionally, and physically – and thankfully, it was often in front of us kids so we knew our dad loved and was committed to our mother. I specifically remember having this enforced to me every meal when my dad would give my mom a kiss after we had a prayer over the meal – a small thing that had a huge impact.
10) They Loved Me Enough to Discipline Me: My parents disciplined me growing up, and I am forever grateful for that. Did I at times resent it growing up? Of course! Did my parents make mistakes in their disciplining efforts? Of course; but as already mentioned, they learned from that and changed. And, did I envy many of my friends who had, what I thought at the time, ‘freedom’ because their parents did not discipline them like mine? Yes. But, these friends’ choices during their supposed years of ‘freedom’ led to consequences that resulted in the exact opposite of what ‘freedom’ truly is. Perhaps most importantly, I never doubted that whenever my parents disciplined me that it was out of love and a desire to help, teach, or protect – and never simply out of anger.
11) Mom & Dad Were Equal: Of course my parents had different roles and responsibilities within our family and around the house, as every mother and father does. However, one thing was always certain – they were equal partners. In no way was my father domineering, condescending, or treated as the superior in any way. He was the man of the house and certainly fulfilled his role; but right by his side (not behind him) was my mother who was thought of, spoken to, involved in, and treated like an equal.
12) Cleanliness Was Demanded: My siblings and I still tease our mother for engraining into our minds an attribute we got so frustrated with growing up, but are ever so grateful for now. She demanded cleanliness … in every aspect of our lives! We always had to have a clean room, house, yard, car, appearance, and most importantly – thoughts!
13) Certain Attributes Were Taught, Exemplified, and Expected: Thankfully my parents did not just ‘talk the talk’ – they literally lived what they taught and expected. A few of the many attributes my parents both taught and helped us develop were: integrity, honesty, unselfishness, hard work, modesty and virtue, tolerance, respect, discipline, patience, persistence, assertiveness, independence, responsibility, prayerfulness, obedience, friendliness and kindness.
14) Throwing Fits Was Never Allowed: This may seem like a small thing, but I remember us siblings were never allowed to throw fits (and thus, I am sure I was not allowed either). Certainly, I am sure my parents were trying to teach us to understand that we can’t always get what we want, to learn to share, to be patient, to occasionally ‘go without,’ and to develop very early in life a healthy respect for adults and the ability to listen, respect, and obey.
(To view the remaining principles, please view part 2 in the Parenthood article series).
Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to have two incredible parents – a father and mother who loved me, cared for me, taught me, disciplined me, and truly epitomized what successful parenthood is all about. While they were not perfect (although close), they did certain things that I feel every parent would benefit from knowing, and especially emulating. Below are listed several things they did on a consistent basis that have made all the difference in mine and my siblings lives; as well as now the lives of my own children as I seek to implement what they taught and exemplified. (Only 15 are listed in this article; however, to view the other 15, please see part 2 in the Parenthood article series):
1) Power of Example: First and foremost, they lived what they taught! My siblings and I learned how to work hard, serve others, be disciplined, show respect, and act kindly not so much because it was expected of us, but because it was emulated in everything my parents did and were.
2) They Made Mistakes … and Changed: There never has been a perfect pair of parents, and everyone certainly makes mistakes. However, I noticed growing up that when my parents did make mistakes, they learned from them, apologized, and then most importantly - changed.
3) Children Always Came First: There was absolutely no question in my mind growing up that my siblings and I were the highest priority to my parents. I can not recall ever feeling that their careers, hobbies, friends, or entertainment was more important than family, or making time for and raising their children. We spent a lot of time as a family, and just as significantly, my parents made regular time to just have one-on-one time with each child.
4) Limited Electronic Drugs: Although as a child I may not have thanked my parents, I certainly thank them now for being extremely proactive in monitoring the shows, entertainment, and time I spent watching TV, movies, video games, or computer time. In fact, often was the case that we as a family would just spend the night together playing games rather than letting the TV or computer entertain or babysit us kids.
5) My Mother Stayed Home: I was extremely fortunate to have a mother who chose and was able to stay at home and be a mom. I recognize, however, that many other families do not have this great privilege, for a variety of reasons (often uncontrollable life circumstances that force a mother to have to work). Now, my siblings and I certainly did not have all the latest toys, clothes, cars, or vacations growing up – but we each would collectively agree that having a mother in the home to be a mom was perhaps the greatest difference, influence, and blessing in our lives.
6) We Occasionally Went Without: As mentioned in the point above, my siblings and I often went without. We of course had everything we ‘needed,’ but we certainly were not given everything we ‘wanted.’ This was in part because of our financial situation. And yet, even when my father got into a position to be able to buy us children what we ‘wanted,’ thankfully, he still chose to occasionally allow us to go without. He did this of course not to deprive us, but to teach us to appreciate what we had, work for what we ‘wanted,’ and develop attributes such as sacrifice, patience, sharing, and unselfishness. Simply put – we were not spoiled in any sense of the word!
7) We Had to Work: Every day my siblings and I had a chore – anything from making our bed, to sweeping the floor, vacuuming, taking the garbage out, to doing dishes. Also, I remember every Saturday morning, our entire family would go out into the yard to do yard work together. Let’s be honest – what kid enjoys doing this stuff? But, as with everything, my siblings and I look back with gratitude that my parents taught us the importance of work.
8) Fun Family Time … Often: The last two points would make it seem that my siblings and I were deprived children who were worked to death. Quite the contrary! We had a ton of fun together as a family growing up. My childhood is filled with wonderful memories of countless family nights of just playing games, drives up the canyon together, BBQ’s in the back yard, yearly vacations, weekend outings, camp-outs on the trampoline outside, and very frequent family nights. As already mentioned, my parents made their children their top priority, and thankfully rather than having the TV be our only entertainment (and babysitter), we often just spent the nights together playing games, laughing, talking, and having fun.
9) My Father Loved My Mother: Never once do I remember my father yelling at my mother. There was always sincere and appropriate affection shown to her verbally, emotionally, and physically – and thankfully, it was often in front of us kids so we knew our dad loved and was committed to our mother. I specifically remember having this enforced to me every meal when my dad would give my mom a kiss after we had a prayer over the meal – a small thing that had a huge impact.
10) They Loved Me Enough to Discipline Me: My parents disciplined me growing up, and I am forever grateful for that. Did I at times resent it growing up? Of course! Did my parents make mistakes in their disciplining efforts? Of course; but as already mentioned, they learned from that and changed. And, did I envy many of my friends who had, what I thought at the time, ‘freedom’ because their parents did not discipline them like mine? Yes. But, these friends’ choices during their supposed years of ‘freedom’ led to consequences that resulted in the exact opposite of what ‘freedom’ truly is. Perhaps most importantly, I never doubted that whenever my parents disciplined me that it was out of love and a desire to help, teach, or protect – and never simply out of anger.
11) Mom & Dad Were Equal: Of course my parents had different roles and responsibilities within our family and around the house, as every mother and father does. However, one thing was always certain – they were equal partners. In no way was my father domineering, condescending, or treated as the superior in any way. He was the man of the house and certainly fulfilled his role; but right by his side (not behind him) was my mother who was thought of, spoken to, involved in, and treated like an equal.
12) Cleanliness Was Demanded: My siblings and I still tease our mother for engraining into our minds an attribute we got so frustrated with growing up, but are ever so grateful for now. She demanded cleanliness … in every aspect of our lives! We always had to have a clean room, house, yard, car, appearance, and most importantly – thoughts!
13) Certain Attributes Were Taught, Exemplified, and Expected: Thankfully my parents did not just ‘talk the talk’ – they literally lived what they taught and expected. A few of the many attributes my parents both taught and helped us develop were: integrity, honesty, unselfishness, hard work, modesty and virtue, tolerance, respect, discipline, patience, persistence, assertiveness, independence, responsibility, prayerfulness, obedience, friendliness and kindness.
14) Throwing Fits Was Never Allowed: This may seem like a small thing, but I remember us siblings were never allowed to throw fits (and thus, I am sure I was not allowed either). Certainly, I am sure my parents were trying to teach us to understand that we can’t always get what we want, to learn to share, to be patient, to occasionally ‘go without,’ and to develop very early in life a healthy respect for adults and the ability to listen, respect, and obey.
(To view the remaining principles, please view part 2 in the Parenthood article series).
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