In times past, many parents related to their children with arrogance, ignorance and certitude.
Of course, they didn't think of it that way then.
It was just that Father (and sometimes Mother) always knew best, freely used the belt, often beat down their child's spirit and demanded obedience from their kid no matter what.
Loyalty required that secrets be kept - (i.
e.
what happens in the family stays in the family.
) Obedience was demanded.
Disagreement was verboten.
Touchy topics were taboo.
In today's world, we might label those parents as ignorant, rigid and abusive.
While respecting their desire to be strict parents, today we'd encourage them to curb their tendency to act from gut instinct and raw emotions and instead give thoughtful consideration to how they act and what they say to their children.
Rigid, authoritarian parenting styles put excessive emphasis on raising kids to be respectful and obedient.
Too often, however, those kids ended up being resentful and rebellious.
The flip side to the above is laissez-faire, lack of leadership parenting.
Such parenting provides little needed regulation for kids while promoting a climate of indulgence.
This also tends to produce resentful kids (always wanting more) and kids who have no ability to regulate themselves.
Flexible, open-minded parenting coupled with good judgment is fine.
Open-minded parenting in which parents' minds are so open that their brains fall out is not.
So where is the happy medium? What makes for a wise parent? The answer is complicated, but two simple principles will set you on the right road.
o Know that thoughtfulness, knowledge, and vision will give you a leg up on being a wise parent.
Though it's never a good idea to be an automaton to what the books say and what the experts espouse, the opposite (i.
e.
proudly ignoring knowledge while going with the gut) will have even more weighty consequences.
One will truly be impoverished as a parent (indeed, as a human being) if you believe that book knowledge is suspect and experts are overeducated fools.
o Respect the past but be open to new ideas that might complement or supplant ideas you now hold.
If you insist upon only repeating the past, (i.
e.
I was brought up this way; I turned out ok; why deviate from my parents' parenting?), your kids will be raised with a hand-me-down upbringing.
You can do better.
Keep the best from your family experience.
But grow it, become more enlightened - by reflecting on your own life experiences, using your intelligence and creativity, observing other people and learning from the experts who have devoted a lifetime to studying human behavior and childhood development.
Now what does being a wise parent have to do with being a wise president? A lot of the principles are the same! Don't govern from arrogance, ignorance and certitude.
Allow for disagreement and open discussion.
Explore options.
Loyalty, above all, erodes the search for good answers and turns away good people.
Though you want to avoid governing arrogantly, you also don't want to be so laissez-faire that your leadership is nothing more than spin control, emanating from the latest poll results.
And while you want to avoid slavishly following experts' advice, you want to listen to and be influenced by their knowledge and skills.
After all, you're not an expert in many, perhaps even any, of the domains for which you have a responsibility to understand the problems, create the solutions and provide the leadership and vision necessary to successfully implement wise solutions.
To paraphrase Woodrow Wilson, "It's good not only to use all the brains you have, but all you can borrow.
" Though you want to respect the past, you must recognize as Albert Einstein said, that "the significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
" Hence, though values matter, "equally important characteristics of wise and effective leaders are judgment, intelligence, creativity and flexibility, nimble thinking, and being open to new ideas.
" (NY Times reader Nathan Billig.
) Hence, a wise President will not fight today's wars with yesterday's mind-set or solve today's economic problems with yesterday's outdated notions.
So many unexpected events have happened over the last few months that my "life is weird" file is now bulging at the seams.
We now face a critical election.
Some even say a dangerous election.
For our next president will have a major impact on peace or war, limited war or expanded war, tolerance or intolerance, saving the earth or devouring the earth, prosperity or bankruptcy, bringing us together as a nation or dividing us even further.
If you are still unsure about whom to vote for, review what I wrote about the principles of being a wise parent.
Then, in the solitude of a quiet room, evaluate which of the candidates you believe has the thoughtfulness, temperament, knowledge, disposition, mindset, good judgment and wisdom to deal with all the known quandaries as well as all the unknown events that he/she will have to face.
Of course, they didn't think of it that way then.
It was just that Father (and sometimes Mother) always knew best, freely used the belt, often beat down their child's spirit and demanded obedience from their kid no matter what.
Loyalty required that secrets be kept - (i.
e.
what happens in the family stays in the family.
) Obedience was demanded.
Disagreement was verboten.
Touchy topics were taboo.
In today's world, we might label those parents as ignorant, rigid and abusive.
While respecting their desire to be strict parents, today we'd encourage them to curb their tendency to act from gut instinct and raw emotions and instead give thoughtful consideration to how they act and what they say to their children.
Rigid, authoritarian parenting styles put excessive emphasis on raising kids to be respectful and obedient.
Too often, however, those kids ended up being resentful and rebellious.
The flip side to the above is laissez-faire, lack of leadership parenting.
Such parenting provides little needed regulation for kids while promoting a climate of indulgence.
This also tends to produce resentful kids (always wanting more) and kids who have no ability to regulate themselves.
Flexible, open-minded parenting coupled with good judgment is fine.
Open-minded parenting in which parents' minds are so open that their brains fall out is not.
So where is the happy medium? What makes for a wise parent? The answer is complicated, but two simple principles will set you on the right road.
o Know that thoughtfulness, knowledge, and vision will give you a leg up on being a wise parent.
Though it's never a good idea to be an automaton to what the books say and what the experts espouse, the opposite (i.
e.
proudly ignoring knowledge while going with the gut) will have even more weighty consequences.
One will truly be impoverished as a parent (indeed, as a human being) if you believe that book knowledge is suspect and experts are overeducated fools.
o Respect the past but be open to new ideas that might complement or supplant ideas you now hold.
If you insist upon only repeating the past, (i.
e.
I was brought up this way; I turned out ok; why deviate from my parents' parenting?), your kids will be raised with a hand-me-down upbringing.
You can do better.
Keep the best from your family experience.
But grow it, become more enlightened - by reflecting on your own life experiences, using your intelligence and creativity, observing other people and learning from the experts who have devoted a lifetime to studying human behavior and childhood development.
Now what does being a wise parent have to do with being a wise president? A lot of the principles are the same! Don't govern from arrogance, ignorance and certitude.
Allow for disagreement and open discussion.
Explore options.
Loyalty, above all, erodes the search for good answers and turns away good people.
Though you want to avoid governing arrogantly, you also don't want to be so laissez-faire that your leadership is nothing more than spin control, emanating from the latest poll results.
And while you want to avoid slavishly following experts' advice, you want to listen to and be influenced by their knowledge and skills.
After all, you're not an expert in many, perhaps even any, of the domains for which you have a responsibility to understand the problems, create the solutions and provide the leadership and vision necessary to successfully implement wise solutions.
To paraphrase Woodrow Wilson, "It's good not only to use all the brains you have, but all you can borrow.
" Though you want to respect the past, you must recognize as Albert Einstein said, that "the significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
" Hence, though values matter, "equally important characteristics of wise and effective leaders are judgment, intelligence, creativity and flexibility, nimble thinking, and being open to new ideas.
" (NY Times reader Nathan Billig.
) Hence, a wise President will not fight today's wars with yesterday's mind-set or solve today's economic problems with yesterday's outdated notions.
So many unexpected events have happened over the last few months that my "life is weird" file is now bulging at the seams.
We now face a critical election.
Some even say a dangerous election.
For our next president will have a major impact on peace or war, limited war or expanded war, tolerance or intolerance, saving the earth or devouring the earth, prosperity or bankruptcy, bringing us together as a nation or dividing us even further.
If you are still unsure about whom to vote for, review what I wrote about the principles of being a wise parent.
Then, in the solitude of a quiet room, evaluate which of the candidates you believe has the thoughtfulness, temperament, knowledge, disposition, mindset, good judgment and wisdom to deal with all the known quandaries as well as all the unknown events that he/she will have to face.
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