The Child's Advocate in Donor Conceptions
Unlike the traditional method of pregnancy in which one-third of all pregnancies are unplanned, using donor material takes some intention. An essential step in the process is coming to terms with the choice to use donor material. Parents must accept that this chosen alternative is different. Grieving the loss of personal ability to create the genetic offspring, the loss of the biological child or a marriage or relationship that would create a genetic child is an important factor in being prepared to parent children through a donor conception. Mental health therapists have found through experience as counselors to families that without preparation of the parents through education and courses, the losses tend to become the responsibility and burden of the child. Mental health therapists believe a child should be born into a family without having to cure the situation that brought donor conception to the family. For many, a history of infertility has preceded the decision for a donor conception. Acknowledgement and acceptance of all losses connected to the infertility struggle is a part of parenting preparation.
For couples planning to parent a child by donor conception, it is vital that both individuals emotionally accept the decision for a donor. The infertile couple needs assistance from others to make the conception medically possible. The nature vs. nurture debate has been illuminated by years of adoption research (Bouchard, Lykken, McGue, Segal, & Tellegan, 1989) that who we become is approximately 50% nature and 50% nurture. Those who choose sperm or egg donation must accept the significance of the genetic component in their child's life. For an embryo placement, the child's complete genetics are connected to another family. Thus, it is important that parents learn as much as they can about the donors they are 'inviting into their home,' accept that another person or family is helping to conceive the child, and that the child may have life-long genetic, social, and emotional connections to that family.
Earlier in my career as a social worker in the infertility and donor world, there was very little information, if any, provided regarding the anonymous donors. Sperm and eggs came privately or with very basic medical information. This has now changed. Resources are now available to select a donor's genetic material based on social, psychological, and medical information, including pictures, videos, and audio tapes, and identified donors who can be available for medical emergency and as social contacts at a later date. In embryo placement, there are open arrangements so the genetic family and prospective adoptive family know about each other and continue to be a resource for both families as their children grow in understanding their particular stories.
Preparing for Parenthood
Unlike the traditional method of pregnancy in which one-third of all pregnancies are unplanned, using donor material takes some intention. An essential step in the process is coming to terms with the choice to use donor material. Parents must accept that this chosen alternative is different. Grieving the loss of personal ability to create the genetic offspring, the loss of the biological child or a marriage or relationship that would create a genetic child is an important factor in being prepared to parent children through a donor conception. Mental health therapists have found through experience as counselors to families that without preparation of the parents through education and courses, the losses tend to become the responsibility and burden of the child. Mental health therapists believe a child should be born into a family without having to cure the situation that brought donor conception to the family. For many, a history of infertility has preceded the decision for a donor conception. Acknowledgement and acceptance of all losses connected to the infertility struggle is a part of parenting preparation.
For couples planning to parent a child by donor conception, it is vital that both individuals emotionally accept the decision for a donor. The infertile couple needs assistance from others to make the conception medically possible. The nature vs. nurture debate has been illuminated by years of adoption research (Bouchard, Lykken, McGue, Segal, & Tellegan, 1989) that who we become is approximately 50% nature and 50% nurture. Those who choose sperm or egg donation must accept the significance of the genetic component in their child's life. For an embryo placement, the child's complete genetics are connected to another family. Thus, it is important that parents learn as much as they can about the donors they are 'inviting into their home,' accept that another person or family is helping to conceive the child, and that the child may have life-long genetic, social, and emotional connections to that family.
Earlier in my career as a social worker in the infertility and donor world, there was very little information, if any, provided regarding the anonymous donors. Sperm and eggs came privately or with very basic medical information. This has now changed. Resources are now available to select a donor's genetic material based on social, psychological, and medical information, including pictures, videos, and audio tapes, and identified donors who can be available for medical emergency and as social contacts at a later date. In embryo placement, there are open arrangements so the genetic family and prospective adoptive family know about each other and continue to be a resource for both families as their children grow in understanding their particular stories.
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