Many divorcees say they get along better now that they are divorced than they ever did when they were married. Just how does the polarizing conflict of resolution to problems in marriage happen? Why didn't these divorcees learn to compromise and listen to each other before the gut-wrenching tragedy of divorce?
Divorce with children can bring out the worst in people. But when ex-spouses want to get what they want from their ex-partners, they MUST use negotiating techniques that were ignored during the marriage. With the pressure on to maneuver the other parent into a compromise for the sake of the kids, adults learn well after the damage has been done to "bite the bullet" and change the way they communicate.
Parents must sit down and reflect internally on what is really most important to them for the sake of their children. Parents must decide why they want what they want from each other. They must look objectively from the outside in. Ask yourself, "What if you were someone not vested in the issues? What would you think about the solution to a problem?"
It is important to get a view of the other person's behavior and never let your behavior be controlled by someone else. Always remember who you are and what you are after. Never concede to terms that will not help you or your kids.
Next, figure out how you deal with other people. Is your style confrontational, timid, passive, or assertive? Are you a pleaser or an avoider? Determine what the strong and weak aspects are of your style. Then, do this for your ex to determine how you are going to work the other person to get what you want.
When you are facing an issue that could easily explode in your faces, figure out what is really important to you. What is motivating your vested interest in this problem? Ask yourself if the lack of goodwill a blowup could generate would be worth it. Determine what you really want and how you are going to go about getting it.
The other person wants something, so decide what you can offer. What does the other person have against what it is you want? What can you do to counter those objections that seem to be so important to them? Decide what will work for both of you. Create that win-win solution that works so well in business.
Claw away at the problem, not at each other. Be a positive thinker in terms of knowing the solution is out there. Be sure not to yell, criticize, or cut each other off. Controlled, polite behavior goes a long way toward working out the conflict of resolution to problems. Heated emotions only block positive, constructive outcomes to the issues at hand.
Chances are you have more than one item to discuss with your ex. Make time to meet in a public place to calmly discuss these things. If the list is very long, chunk it down and reserve the remaining items for a later date.
Divorce with children can bring out the worst in people. But when ex-spouses want to get what they want from their ex-partners, they MUST use negotiating techniques that were ignored during the marriage. With the pressure on to maneuver the other parent into a compromise for the sake of the kids, adults learn well after the damage has been done to "bite the bullet" and change the way they communicate.
Parents must sit down and reflect internally on what is really most important to them for the sake of their children. Parents must decide why they want what they want from each other. They must look objectively from the outside in. Ask yourself, "What if you were someone not vested in the issues? What would you think about the solution to a problem?"
It is important to get a view of the other person's behavior and never let your behavior be controlled by someone else. Always remember who you are and what you are after. Never concede to terms that will not help you or your kids.
Next, figure out how you deal with other people. Is your style confrontational, timid, passive, or assertive? Are you a pleaser or an avoider? Determine what the strong and weak aspects are of your style. Then, do this for your ex to determine how you are going to work the other person to get what you want.
When you are facing an issue that could easily explode in your faces, figure out what is really important to you. What is motivating your vested interest in this problem? Ask yourself if the lack of goodwill a blowup could generate would be worth it. Determine what you really want and how you are going to go about getting it.
The other person wants something, so decide what you can offer. What does the other person have against what it is you want? What can you do to counter those objections that seem to be so important to them? Decide what will work for both of you. Create that win-win solution that works so well in business.
Claw away at the problem, not at each other. Be a positive thinker in terms of knowing the solution is out there. Be sure not to yell, criticize, or cut each other off. Controlled, polite behavior goes a long way toward working out the conflict of resolution to problems. Heated emotions only block positive, constructive outcomes to the issues at hand.
Chances are you have more than one item to discuss with your ex. Make time to meet in a public place to calmly discuss these things. If the list is very long, chunk it down and reserve the remaining items for a later date.
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